My ex husband wants me back my husbands ex wife wants him back.?

Question

Neither one of us want to go back. My ex is being really nice to my husband and invites him in when we drop our child off at his house, I know him well enough to know this is to show me what a nice guy he is (he has told me he is in love with me again). His ex wife tries to break us up with court dates claiming things that are lies and other stuff. We both have kids from previous marriages.....so no contact is out of the question. It works on both of us from time to time to know that these people are trying to get with the other. It is really a strange situation and one that I never dreamed that I would be involved in....however can a marriage take all of this interferance....we try to only have contact via email and voice mail with them but there are those times when more communication is required. We try to stick to the topic of the kids...however they always try to worm their ways in. We are being hit from both sides and it causes tention. What to do?

I agree with Takfam about being civil and getting along...however last night when we took our daughter over to his house she took my husband upstairs to show him puppies and he told me in the kitchen if having my husband in the house ment having me in it - then it was worth it...my husband heard him.

Answer 1

The best thing to do is laugh about it!
Laughter is powerful.
Hey! At least some people want you, and what better way for you two to appreciate each other than knowing there are "two in the wings"?
I don't know how old your kids are, but let's say you have another decade "having" to deal with them. You can get through it!
I like the introducing them to each other idea.
One day they will fall in love with other people, and then you'll be bored.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I am going to speak bluntly here and please forgive me but: I think you are into drama, I think it is good for the ego to think someone wants you and I think this is really not good for the children. The kids always want mom and dad together again and children pick up on these things - don't do it to them.
Both you and husband should only have contact with the ex's when it concerns the children, always take spouse, a friend or family member when dropping off or picking up children and maintain a friendly polite line of communication. Smile and say sorry would like to look at the puppies another time, or would like to see the new curtains another time, etc. The only exception would be meeting a new boyfriend or girlfriend (you want to know who your children are exposed to)
Get your head and heart into your marriage and forget outside influences. Eventually the ex's will move on to others and you will be glad you stayed on the right path.

Answer 4

I believe that a court can give an order that the other parent is only allowed to contact you if it involves the child. There are also visitation systems that can be set up so that you never have to see each other. The court can appoint someone to oversee the drop-offs and pick-ups, or you could even have someone else do it for you to avoid the awkwardness.

If you don't want to get the courts involved too much, you could always arrange something privately. Maybe you could drop the children off and his mother's house and he could pick them up from there. To return them, he could drop them with your mother and you can pick them up from there. I understand that exact arrangement may not be possible, but you get the idea. Have your husband set up the same situation with his ex.

As far as verbal communication, it is sometimes necessary to talk to your ex (unfortunately). This can be limited, though. If he sends you an e-mail about anything other than a matter involving the children, don't respond to it. AT ALL. If he talks in a phone conversation about anything other than the children, say politely "If you would like to talk about something involving the children, that's fine. If not, I'm going to hang up." If he persists, carry out your threat. Hang up.

This is a form of harrasment, and there are all kinds of ways you could deal with it. It is uncomfortable, but unfortunately that comes with the territory of divorcing if you have children.

Good luck.

Answer 5

That is so sad. I just can't understand how ANY parent can just walk away from a child, let alone the child's Mother. I wouldn't bother trying to get the child's mother to take an interest in her son. If she wants to drop out of his life, it's a shame, but the child knowing whether she's in or out will be of some comfort to him, in terms of routine and consistency, which all kids need. It would be nice, however, if she could be straight up with you guys and your stepson about how much she intends to be around, so you can plan your lives accordingly. He may have behavioral issues, but providing him with a STABLE, safe, loving home will go a long way toward making him feel loved, safe and positive about himself, thus (hopefully) impacting his behavior in a positive way. You and your husband can really make a difference in his life by stepping up and raising him together, without bad-mouthing his Mom (even though she might deserve it). If the ex elects to give permanent full custody of their son to your husband, you and he may want to pursue the possibility of child support, unless it would bring undue drama and stress into the situation. Take care & Good luck!!! : )

Answer 6

If you are interpreting this whole situation propertly, the whole thing sounds really messy. Stay away as far as possible if you don't want anything else to happen or get back together with your ex.

However, ( this may sounds weird)... If YOU and your CURRENT husband still have feeling for your exes, maybe reconciling with YOUR ex-husband and him reconciling with his his EX wife is an option???. After all, you guys have both kids from previous exes. And if the two of you were to go back with your exes, I am sure the children would love it?? I am not sure if I am making any sense. But I am always for making children happy. I am sure both children on both side will be happy if their parents are back together. This really is up to you and you don't need to take my advice. Just my idea. That's all.

Answer 7

I do believe it is timew to set some boundaries with both exes. I beleieve children are involved all is fine in that area and all but really if the ex.wife of your new hubby is a jealous cow and want's what she cannot have then maybe it is time to explain to your husband and have him talk to her. That her disrespectiing you is wrong. I think having contact when it is about the kids on either side is fine but any other time it is for you to concern yourself about your current marriage and to tell the exes to butt out. I kind of agree with the first answer here since you have chemistry with this guy meaning that you may share similarities with his first wife hook up the exes who knows maybe something may come of it and they will leave you guys alone.

Answer 8

You say you "don't want to go back" yet you're having issues about what you should do????

Cut out ANY personal interaction with your exes except dropping off children, and never go alone. Always take a friend or family member or your spouse with you and don't be alone with your exes for ANY reason.

Let the exes KNOW that neither of you is going anywhere and put up some BOUNDARIES so there isn't any confusion.

Answer 9

People can't worm their way in unless you let them, period. At this point, unless it is something critical happening with the kids, there should really be NO contact going on with exes. And, to answer your question, if your love is strong then yes you can overcome it. I think the two of you thrive on the drama---otherwise, it would stop! Do you know what you would do with each other if there wasn't all this interference, or is your relationship pretty much founded by it?

Answer 10

Personally, I think your opinion of yourself is too high. Maybe your ex is being nice to your husband for the children's sake. Maybe your ex wants his children to grow up knowing their mother AND their father and that your differences are petty when compared to the future of your children.

Him being nice to your current husband likely has nothing to do with you except to show his children that he supports the family. This may not be the story book white picket fence with 2.3 kids you thought you'd have, but you're still a family and it seems like your ex is just trying to help keep that family together.