Difficulty with eye contact?

Question

I'm a nice guy, who is laid back, smiley etc. but I struggle to look people in the eyes. I'm only comfortable talking or listening when looking at the ground of just slightly past them. It lets me down I think, and possible makes me seem insincere.
Why do I do this? What does it say about me?

Answer 1

Normally people will tell you its purely a confidence problem. I like to think because I have a problem with that too; its I can't listen to what they're saying unless I do that.

Plus in Eastern cultures especially Japan and Korea its considered really rude to look someone in the eye.

Answer 2

Most non-human animals engage in some form of conflict when looking straight in to each others eyes, negotiating social rank within a hierarchy, mate selection, territory defence, etc.

What does this means for you? Most people don't look directly in another persons eyes; if so, it only lasts for a short period. People that try to do this as a show of confidence usually end up looking at a place on the brow line between the inner orbits of the eyes.

There are also physical issues such as focal length, distance from the other person, your height, eye dominance (which eye sees better), etc. that factor into the difficulty of looking others in the eye consistently.

Try looking at a mirror at your own eyes and breathing abdominally (i.e. most relaxed). After awhile you'll be able to go from a distant gaze to the eyes of another quickly. Beware though, most people will find this threatening, even if they do not admit it.

Answer 3

Many people are "uncomfortable" with eye contact.

A lot of this has to do with our personalities.
If you are a submissive person (always seem to give in to others wants over yours), if you struggle with telling the truth(find yourself lying a lot, even white lies), or if you are insecure about your looks or personality (yourself in general), this will cause an uncomfortable feeling when looking others in the eyes.

If you really truly dislike looking people in the eyes, and you find that you can't bring yourself to do it hardly at all, you may be suffering from a mental disorder called Asperger's syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. It causes you to be awkward in social situations, have a hard time with non-verbal communication such as eye contact, and some what clumsy.

Answer 4

I am the same way, my friend.

There could be many reasons for it. I think that for me, personally, it is because I am shy, and sometimes I lack assertiveness.

But the strange thing is that I usually avoid eye contact with people whom I greatly respect and/or love. I try not to look them directly in the eye for too long of intervals. If I really like, love, or respect someone, I have a hard time looking them directly in the eyes.

It does not mean that you are insincere. Not necessarily so. But some people might PERCEIVE that. You can't control the perceptions of other people. They say the body never lies- but I think that few people really understand body language really well.

In most circumstances, a lack of eye contact can mean deception. But that is not always the case.

You are probably a very honest man.

I have always been shy, and I have some problems with low self-esteem and self confidence. I think that these things contribute to my habit of avoiding direct and prolonged eye contact with people. But that does not mean that you have low self esteem. It is just one possibility.

Excellent question!

I think it was brave of you to ask this, because I believe that many other people (including yours truly) have wondered the same thing about themselves, but may have been too shy or embarrassed to ask.

Are you introverted? I certainly am. I keep to myself most times. I prefer the company of few, rather than many. You may also be an HSP (hypersensitive person)- but there isn't enough information here to ascertain that. I am only basing this on the fact that I, myself, am a HSP.

I am a loving and friendly person, too, in most circumstances. I think that some people may mistake my introversion for snobbishness.

Answer 5

my friend you think that your scared of eye contact but in reality your not..eye contact must be backed by a positive intention..thats why we cant look people in the eye if we feel guilty..guilt is a negativ thought..
think positive while looking at people in the eye..for example pay attention to the colour of their eye and say to your self i like that colour..and at the mean time give yourself credit for looking at them in the eye..or just be selfish and put yourself at a higher level then the person your talking to..remember that they do not know what your thoughts are so how would they know that you have problem with eye contact?
i know you must be tired of answers such as look at the bridge of their nose or thier forehead etc..but my friend if you do them you will feel even more uncomfortable as you will critisise yourself for not looking in the eye..
you can start practicing this with friends and family until you see what i mean..
you wont believe it i had the same problem as yours actually even worse..so i invented my own way..and now im the most confident person in the world..just remember one thing .. never critisise yourself even if you dont make eye contact..just let it go and be care free... and i promise you will change..

Answer 6

Without knowing you it is a little difficult to answer why you do this but here is a suggestion.

Next time you are speaking with someone, try looking at their forehead. This will give them the perception that you are looking at their eyes but it will make it easier for you because you aren't. Eventually you will find that you will be able to look people in the eyes.

Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You should relax, try my suggestion and you might find that it really isn't that difficult.

Answer 7

Work on it a little at a time. Start by looking at people's chins,. Then work up to looking at their noses. Finally, start getting more confidence with all of hat practice and look them in the eye.
Baby steps!!.

Answer 8

Some people just have difficulty not because they are insincere but because they are shy or introverted. Try this trick: instead of looking sraight in the eyes, shift your gaze between their brows. It would seem like you are looking straight in their eyes.

Answer 9

I think many just see this as shy and would rather see that than the insincere look of many who can look you in the eye easily while they stab you in the back.

Answer 10

im the same, i think its nerves and lack of confidence