Cheated???

Question

I've done something stupid. I've cheated on my fiance with another woman. I'd hate for her to find out about it on her own, and I know if I tell her I did that it's really going to hurt her. If someone cheated on you, would you want to know or not?

Answer 1

You have to tell her because if she finds out...then your *** is grass...at least if you tell her then there is a chance things will work out.

Think about this...if you already cheated on her now...why even get married...you'll probably do it again.

Answer 2

you should definitely tell her. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. I have been cheated on various times and you know what it has made me a stronger person and I keep my guard up. This last episode happened when I was actually married. Still am but I went through hell. I prayed evey night for God to take my life because it was never going to be the same w/o him. Will she trust u? I am having a hard time trusting my husband because I feel like everything he does or says is a lie or something I want to hear. Yes, I love him but it's still torture not knowing if he really slept with someone else or not. Got some pretty mind blowing emails from the ***** which caused so much more mental. I don't know how to take what my husband says for real because he also was behind the emails. He says that he knew nothing about them but yet they came from his email address. He and his family, now I know that he is a big boy and can love who he wants, but they knew what was going on and let it spin out of control. Some very personal things I told my brother-in-law were put in the emails from this girl, plus my husband gave him our dog, because he reminded him of me, plus he is very sick and my brother-in-law offered to take care of him but now he wont give him back to us!
So you choose, don't tell her and maybe everything will be fine, don't tell her and have her find out on her own, and she might be messed up for life.

Answer 3

yes you do need to tell her, also tell her with who and why you did it, and don't wait too long because if you wait and she finds out there would be no trust in the relationship. And yes it is going to hurt her to know that you cheated on her, she might stay with you or leave you, it all depends. My husband cheated on me before we got married and I found out a month after we got married- it still hurts today and it has been over two years and I do not trust him so we do not have a good relationship. I wish that he would of told me and yes I would have left him. Good luck and no more cheating it is not worth it.

Answer 4

I wouldn't ever WANT to know that. But, I think I'd NEED to know it. You did a bad thing and you need to own up to it and if she can't forgive you and you lose her, well, you lose her. Hopefully, no matter whether she's still in the picture or not, you've learned not to do it again.

Lying about something that serious is just not right. She has the right to know about it and decide if she can move on from there. If you marry her and she figures it out five years down the road after she's had your children, well, let's just say you're not being fair to her if you don't tell her. She has a right to know.

And, if you tell her, be prepared to do whatever it takes to make her trust you again. She has a right to require you to do some pretty strange things so that she can regain the trust you destroyed. Be patient with her but remember if you're seriously doing everything you can to prove yourself to her again, there are some boundaries and you do have to take care of yourself too.

Good luck....BE HONEST....

Answer 5

In all truthfullness, I really would not want to know about it; the pain it causes is much too deep and it can leave scars on any relationship. If it was a one-time stupid, idiotic act and would never be done again, then I'd rather have the cheater live with the guilt and not put all the pain on me; especially if I wasn't married to him yet. Hope you have learned a huge lesson and will not disrespect her again, ever.

Answer 6

i would want to know. I have been cheated on many times and could never figure out why. I finally found a man that is faithful and honest. Please do all women a favor and own up to your mistake. It wasn't really a mistake though. You are obviously not ready to be engaged or in a serious relationship. The trust will never be the same.

Answer 7

The only reason you tell her is if you are positive she is going to find out and it would be horrible for her to find out this way. When you cheated you took on the risk of losing her. You need to question why you cheated and also if there is a possibility you will cheat again. If you feel you will have the tendency to cheat again then do not marry this girl as you are obviously not ready for a long term commitment such as marriage. But if you feel there is no way your girl will find out and you are sincerely sorry and know in your heart you will never cheat again, then I suggest you do not tell her as all this will do is bring unnecessary pain and heartache to her. Then you start making it up to her by being loyal and faithful from here on. I do hope it all works out.

Answer 8

Well, my ex- fiancee cheated on me from what i understand quite a few times, and for some reason, i always had a gut feeling that something was wrong, i would confront him, and he would lie and deny it....typical. But i loved him and tried to forget about it and then finally i checked his phone and i found...other women who he met up with and so on. Come to find out he cheated on me 5 times with different women and i had to be the to find out. Either way it's going to hurt her wether you tell her not, but not telling her and having her find out will devestate and humiliate her and will totally make her hate u, where as if you have a sit down and try to talk with her and be honest, if she is forgiving (within time) you both can try to salvage what you have left...good luck

Answer 9

My husband did this to me a few months before we got married.
He is not the cheating kind at all and before the other girl he had only ever slept with me.
We had been together 6 years when we got married. I was very young(21) but decided I could commit to him for the rest of my life because we had something special and unique.

I found out about the other woman just after I gave birth to my second child 5 years later. We had never been happier or more in love and to be completely honest it devastated me.

I decided to stay only because it had happened so long before I found out, and because I know that we have so much to lose now.
To leave would only be saving face as it's the 'correct' thing to do when you have been cheated on.

The problem is it has destroyed us too. I know he would never do it now or ever again. I understand almost why it happened but i will never forgive him and everytime I think I am over it something comes up that reminds me and I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. I feel my whole marriage and my childrens lives have been built on a lie and it kills us both trying to deal with this.

I know though, had he told me at the time it happened, I would have called the wedding off and left him.

To be honest I wish I had never found out. this hasn't saved me from a marriage of constant let downs and cheating, it hasn't made us stronger. It has just completely wrecked both our lives.
My Husband was not smug and pleased with himself about what he had done. In fact the day it happened he threw up because he felt so ahshamed.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you do stand to lose her if you tell her now, but if you keep it secret it could come back to haunt you like my husband's mistake did. Either way it will break her heart but you should of thought of that before you shagged someone else.

I hope she loves you enough, and you are genuinely sorry enough to save this and to NEVER cheat again but if you think this happened because you are not sure about getting married then end it now. In the future, if you have children, you may break more than just her heart

Answer 10

I would definately want to know. I found out my husband cheated on me a while back so I left him. I told him if he told me the truth about it we could work through it together. But he still chose to lie and keep his secrets inside so I knew I could never trust him again. Please Tell Her and if she truly loves you she will respect you and love you even more for being honest and owning up to your mistakes.

Answer 11

The only reason you would tell her is to ease your own feeling of guilt - and so is therefore the cowardly option. Keep your mouth shut and suffer the guilt, or, even better, call off the wedding - engagement is when you are the "hottest and most excited" for each other but instead you cheated. You are marrying the wrong woman, my friend.