My other daughters are 10 years and 4 years old and my wife is 6 months pregnant. I have a full time maid such that currently she is on bed rest and doing nothing in as far as house chores are concerned. She has never met the girls before and I have a four bedroomed house so there is plenty space.
All women out there tell me exactly why. Most man can stay with the kids of her wife from a past marriage and why are most women not comfortable if its the man's kids from a past marriage. I find this very strange and heartbreaking.
2007-11-21 02:01:15 · 29 answers · asked by NELE 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
wow...hmmm. No clue, I love having children around, mine,his,theirs, the neighbors lol..so I don't understand anyone not wanting children around. First I would try talking to your wife, ask why she would rather the girls not visit for the holidays. Don't allow her to be evasive,these are your children and you have a right to see them whenever you can. I'm sure you don't wish to cause her undo stress if she's having a problem pregnancy, but you have a right as do your children. Will you be there all the time to help keep the children under control? If not offer to hire a nanny while the children are visiting. With a maid and a nanny she won't be expected to do anything,...maybe she feels she has a responsibility to tend to your girls and she is just not up to it. If she's insecure thinking maybe the children will bring about memories of time shared as a family with their Mother. In this case just keep reassuring her this is not the case. (Even if it does) And it will :) The most important thing... your girls have to feel welcome, your wife needs to understand this and get over whatever fears,doubts,insecurities or whatever. Your children are only small for a short while, PLEASE don't waste one moment....you'll never get that moment back. And one day your girls will ask "why"....they may even grow to resent her and you. You don't want this to happen. Bring your girls home for the holiday's, if your wife has a problem so be it. I pray you can work things out. Ask her how she would feel if things were turned around an you refused to allow her children from another man to live with you or visit on holidays. One more thing, God forbid anything should ever happen to your X but this is the world we live in, "drunk drivers" and so on....If your wife dosen' want them around for a simple Christmas....what happens should they find themselves needing to live with you permanently? God Bless an Good Luck .....Happy Holidays :)
2007-11-21 02:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by whateverhohum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you can see, a person can become a spouse, or not, by whatever means, children are not expendable in this way. Just because a divorce happens, doesn't mean they are NOT your children anymore.
Your current wife may feel threatened by these girls, she doesn't know how they will react to her or the unborn sibling. She's probably uncomfortable that you had children with another woman period. It's a weird sort of possessiveness, you are her husband, you should only be a father to the child you have together, any others out there she feels will take away from the new one.
She's also pregnant and on bed rest, not the most comfortable place to be. But she needs to come to terms with your daughters, they are going to be a part of your lives. Before she was a wife, she was a daughter, how would she like it if she was thrown away.
I don't envy you.
2007-11-21 02:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry - your wife is 6 months pregnant but has taken to her bed? Why? Pregnancy is not an illness, unless she has been advised!
Your wife has issues and is being unreasonable and selfish, if she cannot accept your past why did she marry you. Why has she never met the girls? If you have a good relationship with your daughters then would they not of met her before you married, or even at the wedding - if not then are you really sure your daughters want to come and see you?
You have a lot to deal with but you need to sit down and talk things through with your wife. She is carrying a new baby, she must have some feelings for the babies future step sisters?
2007-11-21 02:23:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would have to say that your wife is being very selfish and that maybe you could take your daughters to a nice hotel for Christmas. Just you and the girls. Spend the holidays with your kids. If your wife wants to be unkind about it evaluate the relationship. Why would you be married with a 6 month pregnant wife and she has NEVER met them? This sounds very strange to me. Did you just tell her that you had children or was she aware before marrying you? Somehow I doubt we are getting even half the story. But still spend the holidays with your children no man or woman should come before your kids EVER.
2007-11-21 02:38:27 · answer #4 · answered by frogbfound 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
♥ I think that your wife is being very inconsiderate! These are your two daughters that you love dearly. Although your wife never met them, I'm sure that she knew of them before you were married. I think she just doesnt want the attention off her... thats what it sounds like to me. And if that is the reason then I think thats horrible. She also could be scared that you will leave her once she has the baby, and the kids being there will basically just remind you that you should leave once the baby is born. Either way you need to get to the bottom of why she doesnt want them coming. Sit your wife down and communicate with her. Let her get her feelings out about why she doesnt feel the girls should come to visit and you tell her how you are feeling. Good Luck!
2007-11-21 02:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by NCIS ♥ Addict 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe you would marry a women like that. You should have talked about your kids because kids are supposed to be a package deal, you arent just supposed to get the man. You are going to emotionally scar your children if you let your wife control when they cant come. Telling them they can't see you on Christmas, why don't you just tell them you don't love them either? That is terrible nasty and how is your wife ever going to have other children? What if next time she is pregnant she needs to be on bed rest, is she going to send your first child away? As long as she isnt the one caring for them I don't see the big deal, you can explain to your children that she needs rest and to leave her alone, she is going to be under stress for a really long time now and after she has the baby too. So if the stress thing is why she is saying no than your kids arent going to be allowed to visit for the next year
Just put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if your parents were divorced and you asked your father if you could see him on christmas and he came back and told you no. I bet you would be pretty sad.
2007-11-21 02:07:36 · answer #6 · answered by ehrlich 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if there were reasons that kept you from having your daughters meet your wife initially and whatever they are have either been ironed out or have dissipated. Whatever the case you should ask your wife what her concerns are with the girls visiting and let her know how important it is to you to have them in your life and help ease her mind. After all she would want the same for her child(ren) if something were to happen with your marriage. Either way she needs to understand they will be present for the holiday and she will have to accept it bottom line. There is not room for compromise on this one.
2007-11-21 02:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife has a serious problem, and there is no way that you should not allow your daughters to visit you for Christmas. I'm so sorry but she knew you had children before you married her. It's not about her its about you and your relationship with your daughters. Tell her either they stay or you leave. It's up to her. How would she feel if you didn't want her children from a previous marriage to come visit? Shame on her for being that way.
2007-11-21 02:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by goodgirlabout2gobad 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this, but these are issues you should have worked out before you remarried. I'm interested in hearing women explain why these situations seem to be common. I recently broke up with a woman I cared for very much because I could not get her to agree that my daughter would always be welcome in our home if we married. I have 50/50 custody.
I would try and get her to tell you why she feels this way. If it is about her health issues, then see if the maid can work extra or if you can hire a home nurse for a few days. If it is a jealous of your past sort of reason, seek out a qualified marriage counselor ASAP.
2007-11-21 02:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by Will 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sucks for you. She knew you had these kids before you two got together. She knew they'd be part of your life. I think you should put your foot down and bring your kids. She needs to grow up and learn how to put on a happy face even if it's uncomfortable or she doesn't want to.
I'm really sorry. Not all women are like that. But I guess your story is one reason why I don't have but very few lady friends.
Merry Christmas.
2007-11-21 02:06:28 · answer #10 · answered by EarthGirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋