My son had a baby with his wife but they are not together now. He doesn't want to claim the baby now.?

Question

This is all because of my exwife. She insists on DNA before claiming the baby even though they were married at the time and at no time did anyone say my DIL cheated. My wife and I sent a newborn gift (she lives out of state) and are planning on sending Christmas gifts. My wife & I say that unless proven wrong, this is our grandchild and we will send gifts & call to check on him. But because of my Ex, my son now wants a DNA test & doesn't want us to send any gift until the results are back. My ex did the same thing with his daughter but he told me then that if I waited until DNA tests came back then I was a worthless father & couldn't see my granddaughter. He wasn't married to his daughter's mom but IS still married to his son's mom. I don't like making my son mad but this is stupid. I told him that he need to keep his pants zipped since this makes the 2nd child that he is doing DNA on - but he wants to cut me out of his life if I send gifts before tests are back. What would you do?

So you know - my wife has reached a point where she doesn't give a rat's behind what my son says (he has yelled at her over so many things she now turns a deaf ear to him). My wife made a quilt for the new grandson and my son came to the house & saw it - he walked out with it & no one has seen it since. She called him about it & he said that he didn't want the baby to have it unless the DNA proved it was his child. My wife flew mad & told him not to bring his sorry a** back to the house until he could act like a man instead of a whiney a** baby. My wife made another quilt and sent it to the baby. This is causing problems all around because of his stupidity. My other son doesn't want to make his brother mad because of his bad temper so he doesn't want to come around us now. My wife has put up with a lot from my boys but now reached the breaking point. She knows my ex is behind a lot of this because as my wife says about my son - "he can't get his lips off his mom's **** to be a man".

My son's temper includes violence - he fired a shot at his stepdad's father and got his mom & him kicked off the property. My ex had to choose between covering for my son or staying with her husband so she chose her son since they wouldn't let him back around the house if he had a gun. I tried to tell my ex once to stop babying him so much but she wouldn't listen - so I stopped talking to her altogether. Also, this son of mine is 30 years old. He doesn't know that I know it but he lost a great job with the federal government because he failed a drug test. He told me he quit but someone he worked with called because they were concerned about his "problem". How do you get through to someone so attached to what their mom thinks?

One more thing - my wife has forbidden (that's the word she used) to let my son at our home if he has a gun with him - even if it is hunting season he is not allowed on the property. He views me as going along with my wife a being petty but after what he did about firing a shot at someone (he just got a fine from the local police because they changed the charges) I agree with my wife. I sometimes thing this is more of a ploy on his part to get me mad at my wife than having anything to do with the baby (my wife loves kids and it doesn't matter who's kids they are she still makes gifts & buys for them) - he told me less than 6 months ago our "family" would be better off if I left my wife & went back to his mom because she "still loves" me after all these years - that was at the same time she left her husband because of my son's violence.

Answer 1

First let me say Bravo to your wife for not taking any more crap from your kids. I say follow her lead. Your son is an arrogant, little prick. If he wants to cut you off for accepting his son when he won't then so be it. He is an adult capable of making his own decisions, but so are you. Take a stand and do what you know is right in your heart. I'm willing to bet this ungrateful boy of yours will start coming around again when he needs something from you. Actually for your grand children's sake, it's probably a good thing that the mothers are no longer with him. He doesn't sound like good father material. He sounds more like an out of control hot head that brings nothing but grief to those around him.

Don't try to alleviate his bad choices by saying he is "brainwashed" by his mom. He is 30 years old. He is responsible for his actions. He is choosing to follow her advice because he is looking for an "out" so he doesn't have to accept responsibility. The fact that his mother is the one that mentioned DNA is irrelevant. He knows that child is his, he's just playing games at this point.

Answer 2

This is crazy. I do think that your ex wife has some pretty serious issues...although I do not know how to label that one and that it is all rubbing off on to your son. Maybe your son feels that if you send a gift to his baby, that because the baby is with her that it is the same as sending her a gift...i don't know why on earth he would care if any baby got a gift from you much less one that you think is his....and your because you are trying to be a good grandparent. I am sorry for you, people can be so strange sometimes.

Answer 3

You know you could make money with this story. Bottom line, no one with a history of violence needs to be around you with a gun. Your son, and the reasons are pretty obvious from this side of the computer, is dangerous. I'd listen to your current wife, she's smarter than you are apparently.

If you believe this child to be your grandchild, then send it whatever you want. You are a grown man, you don't need anyone's permission to do anything. And thank god your ex daughter in law got away from your nutcase son and hope that she never lets him have anything to do with her child. Somewhere this Jerry Springer drama has got to stop.

Answer 4

Being you have no reason to suspect the child is not your grandchild, go ahead and send a gift. Since your son is being brainwashed my his mom that the child is not his, your dil will appreciate your support. Your son needs to grow up and start being a responsible adult and quit listening to his mom. But he does need to listen to your advice about keeping his pants zipped or at least take precautions so he doesn't become daddy to a 3rd child by a different woman.

Answer 5

Your son has no right telling you what to do. DNA or not, this is your grandchild and you have values and morals and love to uphold. He can act like a hurtful jerk if he wants to, but you are going to do what you believe is right. If he wants to act like an adolescent and be mad about it, that's his loss. He is a grown man now so you can't control his stupid behavior, but you sure can do what you know is right by you. Your son's behavior is no one's fault but his own. Do not make excuses for him. He needs to stand up and be a man and stop acting like a creep. I am with you on this one.

Answer 6

He is the one you need to eliminate from your life and stay close to those two babies. He is a little boy and your wife is right in telling him to GROW UP! Send the gifts and if he comes around threatening you for doing it, CALL THE POLICE!!! Stop taking his crap and be the Grandparents you want to be...

Answer 7

I would tell the son to be a MAN first stop sowing wild oats then be a father doesnt seem hes like much of a man or father

Answer 8

IF your son wants to cut you out of his life for (a) treating the mom like a human being and (b) not allowing him to verbally abuse your wife...
then, personally, I would count my blessings if he does cut you out of his life. You are not "making" your son mad... he has a violence problem. He doesn't need anyone to "make" him mad, that is his attempt to manipulate you.
Your son is dangerous, in more ways than one.

Answer 9

I'd tell the son to take responsibility for his actions and stop acting like a goddamn fool.

Answer 10

your son has no balls, kick his **** and tell him to grow up and act like a man.