Should I get married?

Question

I've been with my man for just over a year, lived with him and we just went through the toughest 4 months of arguing and fighting. We recently went on holiday and managed to sort through all our problems and now we are stronger than we have ever been since the start of the relationship. We are very much in love, im 20, hes 30 and I would love to get married to him. What do you think? Hes a wonderful man and he brings out the absolute best in me

Answer 1

None of us can answer that for you. I do agree with the other poster that it wouldn't be a bad idea to wait a little longer - that doesn't mean you can't get engaged or start talking about marriage, but think of it this way: in another year, if you are engaged and are still happy, you haven't lost anything, but if you're unhappy and have to go through a divorce, you'll have tons of extra stress. If you really want a marriage that will be "till death do us part," you want to be sure that the two of you can be loving and supportive of one another through the best and worst. You need to be able to talk and listen to one another and respect each other. Basically: you need to be sure, and no one on Yahoo Answers can make you sure.

Answer 2

It's completely up to you to decide if you want to marry him or not just yet. See, you're 20 years old. Getting married means settling in, and that is where you can start a family together with your husband. Getting married would mean that someday, you're going to have a baby.

And having a baby takes a lot of hard work and it's a big responsibility. You're gonna have to work hard and everything just to feed the baby. That would mean you can't sleep fully because you'd have to wake up at 2 in the morning to feed the baby or to see if he's all right (when crying)

Not just at 2am but most likely, you'd be waking up three to five times at midnight when your baby needs you. When you're lucky, the baby might not cause that much of a problem.

Then there's another thing. You won't have any time for yourself once you have a baby. Your life will be all ABOUT the baby. You won't be able to think about buying stuff or doing stuff for yourself. It'll all be for the baby. If you feel that you need to enjoy your life a little bit more, then don't get married just yet.

That's the downside. When you get married, you should be ready for all of those stuff. When you feel you're ready for that, then you're ready to get married.

Then again of course, you could get married now and not have a baby until you're ready. Get a good-paying job, and so should your husband. And you should make sure that he's the right guy for you.

I read the part where you said that you and your partner used to argue a lot. If you already got past that, then that's good. But you should always remember that there's always a possibility of him leaving you when he easily gives up. If he doesn't and you feel that he's the right one for you, then congratulations!

Hope this helps! ^_^
I worked hard to think about it. Haha..

Answer 3

All new relationships have teething problems, and well done to you both for sitting down and sorting them out. Only time will tell if you guys are strong enough to get married, but I don't think now is the right time. You're only 20, and while some people love marrying young, you still have time on your side and need to live your life while you can. Just enjoy being boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while - if in another year's time things are still going great and you want to commit then I say go for it. x

Answer 4

Kristen You say 'we' are very much in love. How do you know he is did he tell you? Holidays are not the best situation to find out the truth about someone. Its a limited time you are forced together the mood is romantic you both will soon be going home. If all the reasons you list are without doubt, get married but I think there is something else that is holding you back!

Answer 5

No don't do it. 4 months of fighting and arguing? You want that for the rest of your life? thats absurd, what in the hell could have caused two people to fight like that for 4 months. The holiday probably was romantic and so you are "in love" again. You two have a huge age gap between you, I really don't think you should marry this dude right now. Wait, continue to see him if you must, but DO NOT rush into a marriage.

Answer 6

Personally, I would wait a bit longer especially if you have just had some really tough times lately, make sure you have resolved the issues you had before and that they are not going to come round again.

Maybe question why you would like to marry this man, in what way will you and he benefit from marriage? Ive asked myself this and I cant think of anything, we are okay as we are at the moment. We had a commitment ceremony which was just as serious as a legal marriage but it wasn't legally binding. (Its the divorce bit that is unpleasant in marriage, I think that's put me off and the awful feeling that I am then a possession of someone else!!) Good luck x

Answer 7

Marriage is supposed to be forever. Make sure you want to fight four months out of the year from now until eternity because fighting increases after marriage. He's just on good behavior right now trying to win you. If he brings out the best in you, at least wait another year. Maybe the best in you will eventually see by then if you are a good match or not.

Answer 8

I think since you have just been through a rough patch, that maybe the idea of getting married should be set aside for now. Just enjoy the fact that you have made it through the rough time and be aware that there are plenty more to come! Just enjoy being together for a bit longer, marriage is not the answer to all problems!

Answer 9

Your story is a bit shaky to understand. If out of 12 months you spend 4 months arguing and fighting and sorting out things, then in 12 years how many years you will spend rectifying things, if all of a sudden his behaviour changed, then there must be something tricky, age gap is another issue, it is a big gap which you are not able to apprehend at this moment, but later stage of life will be a different scenario with this gap. i think it is better to just come out of this relationship at once

Answer 10

No, been there done that etc - stay single because 1 year is not enough and 4m of that was fighting - you are too young, they change when you get married, if things are great just now then keep them that way, you live together so need to change.