For all those Dad's out there?

Question

Can you please help me understand what its like from your point of view of neign a new father as I really want to gain some insight. I love my partner very much and I know he loves my daughter and I. I am at home with our beautiful little girl who is 13 weeks and my partner works. He is an engineer and alot of his work is physical. He works for his Dad's company and doesnt get home until 7pm or 730pm. He leaves for work at 10am or 11am. My daughter sleeps through the night, when she stirs, I get her and also, in the morning, I get her up, feed her, getmyelsef showered and fed as my partner says he is tired. I guess what I am asking is, is it really difficult to be working and is it weirs inthe early stages of the baby's life, to not feel as connected? Are you waiting more for the interaction stage? I just want to know how you all genuinely feel. Thanksx

Answer 1

I am not a dad, but a mom. But I wanted to let you know that I feel your concern. I was in a similar situation, and partly still am. I am interested to see what any men will answer to your question. But for now I can tell you that it did get better between my husband and my daughter as she got a little older. My husband did not have much experience at all with children, let alone newborn babies. So everything was new to him. He was (and still is a bit) afraid that he will do the wrong thing, he doesn't necessarily always take the initiative. However, as my daughter started to get older, and she was reacting more to him in a way that he "understood", it helped him to become more involved. I had to push him a little in some circumstances. I had to leave him with her on occasion and I had to tell him that he needed to get up and get her breakfast once in a while, and he did it. Reluctantly, but he did it. Now she is 14 months old, and the two of them have really bonded. I still do a majority of the "work" with her, but he is better able to see and meet her needs because they have learned how to communicate a little better with one another. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

I'm not a dad, but I can tell about how my husband is with our baby (6 months)
My husband gets up at 5am to go to work. He works all day without a break and usually gets home at 6.30pm so he can bath our son. He then helps me put him to bed and reads him a story. If he still has work to do, he will do it once our boy is in bed. If he is away for a night (he usually is once a week) then he will make an effort to get home an hour early the night before so he can have more time with our son.
If our boy wakes in the night, my hubby will often get up to see to him. I usually get up the first time, and he does the second time. When our boy was still waking in the night for a feed, my husband would do the night feed. At the weekends we take it in turns to sleep in, but usually if I get up he wil get up soon afterwards. He never ever complains that he is tired despite doing a very stressful job for up to 18 hours a day.

He plays with our son every night when he gets home, and loves every minute with him. He does all the nappy changes at the weekend when he is home.
He has felt totally connected from day one and him and my son absolutely adore each other. It's amazing to see them together because there is such a bond.

There seem to be an awful lot of men out there who use the fact that they work as an excuse to get out of doing a lot of work with the baby. I'm not saying that's the case with your partner because I don't know you. It's just what I observe from people I do know.

Answer 3

my partner goes out at 7 am and come back at 6pm 7.30pm sometimes and i have 2 half year old son and i am 13 weeks pregnant 10 or 11am untill 7 30 isant bad i wouldnt complain love. there are people alot worse off and have no home no foood ect. i dont like not havin my partner there all time then i relise hes not here because hes soporting me and our children will no that

so i think its bit silly to complain about him been away those hours worst things in life.
my partner cant even get paternity leave so i will have to cope with 2 straight away which is ok. it will have to be but im happy lord has bless me and i just think off kids that havent got no parents people that cant have kids there are so many people that really dont relise what they have

if hes a workin dad leave him you dont want a person that dont wanna work ?????? you cant have it both ways

just wondering what is actually rong with you working part time and him part time so you both get time as family and partner gets time with baby there are solutions i am goin for job 2m and i am pregnant threw my choice and when i had my son i worked part time so i had more family time with me my son and his dad and he worked less hours to do same
you should maybe think you have him there
you have him soporting you

i think there are too many women that have the dads in there childs life and they work hard and the moms work hard its not been a parent at home it really iant but the men work they come home they help out with baby you get that tiny break when they get home they work and then baby hard for both sides just aprchate you have a partner there suporting you hun all the best every day i tell my partner i love him and thank you for been a brilliant partner and suporting his family

even thow he should make sure he makes time for you and the baby most defnate

Answer 4

You are probably tired of hearing from women since you didn't ask us, but I'm gonna tell you anyway because I think it helps to know you are not alone in your situation. My son is 5 months old and I have to literally hand our son over to his father and leave the room to get him to spend time with him. Then after 3-5 minutes he's ready to hand him back! As women we cannot understand how men can be so distant and cold to such adorable little miracles but the reality is men and women, for the most part, are wired different. My son's father is getting better but there have been days when he leaves early, comes home late and doesn't ask about our son, sneak into his room to kiss him goodnight or anything. Me, I'm with him all the time and still find myself opening my cell phone to look at pictures of him while I lay in bed trying to go to sleep. I too am interested in what men will say to your question but the reality is, most, not all, but most men are selfish, lazy and want to be pampered themselves so expecting them to give all that up for anyone is like asking them to get castrated.

Answer 5

I think bringing up kids is one of the hardest jobs there is, and I have the utmost admiration for my wife, for bringing up our little monster, I mean our adorable son (wife is reading this, so had to say it). The thing is when you realise you have you whole family depending on you financially it can make you more dependant on your job and employer, suddenly your boss has more power over you. If you have no dependants its much easier to walk out of a job and I think many fathers feel that pressure and it takes time to learn to deal with this.

In my experience I was a little afraid of somehow getting it wrong and of getting covered in poo, vomit and/or urine. Also I had difficulty with him crying because he is tired (Well go to sleep then!) but then I remembered babies are not known for their high level of education.

I'm sure your partner will come round. Good luck

Answer 6

i used to feel the same way with my hubby, he got up 4 work at 4.30am worked until between 11am and 2pm, then sit on the settee fall to sleep and do next to nothing with the kids or me or the house, then i got a job which basically opened both our eyes, i know how hard it is working and being a parent and yes i am tired but i always have time 4 my kids, also my hubby realised there was more to life than mulching around complaining that he was tired as he actually enjoys being with the girls when im at work, they have great fun and leave me to tidy the mess at 1am when i come home from work

Answer 7

It depends on the work load. As for me during the time when my baby was as old as yours. I worked as a teacher from 8 am to 5 pm. But I never get tired of getting home from work. The sight of my baby alone takes all the stress and weariness from all my days work. I did most of the "taking care of the baby" part. I don't always rely on the helper to do those baby stuff. And nothing beats the feeling of seeing your baby smile, the smell and grasping your fingers. It feels like heaven.

Answer 8

I'm not a dad, i am a mum tho and just want to say i understand completely what you are asking.... men find things sooooo different from us and don't always automatically know the best way of doing the 'right' way...
Your fella sounds like he is trying hard with the providing but not the rest yet.
My partner found it really hard to start with as ( in his words) "they don't do a lot"
I think once your daughter can "do something" ie: smile etc, you'll be fine...
Good luck x x x x

Answer 9

I think you need to talk to you're partner. If he leaves for work at around 10am he still have time to take care of your baby if he get-up early before going to work. And after work although his tired he still have to give a little time for you're baby, because you're baby gives you happiness especially if you see her smile at you. That is the most and sweetest thing and the best thing that can recharge you after work. For me my son is my life i work hard for him and my wife. Good luck....

Answer 10

I am not a Dad, i am a Mum. Try talking to hi,. my boyfriend and my little boy get on so well, he even started calling him daddy.