I feel so jealous of my friend. She has the hairstlye i've wanted for ages but can't get, she has a really nice boyfriend and no boy would ever think about dating me, she has a great family and my family is totally disfuctional, she's way more popular than me...I just feel mad because she never works hard-she's a total slack-and yet everything falls into her lap. I work hard, i know i do, but i don't have anywhere near as much as she does.
How can i stop feeling like this? It's wrong, i know, but i can't stop. Please help me-i don't care if you're mean, just help me!
2007-11-20 17:57:49 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She would never envy me.
2007-11-20 18:04:36 · update #1
You know, I used to be pretty plain when I was at school and my mum left dad, so he brought us up and we didn't have any pretty things like the other girls who had mothers to buy those things for them.
Yeah, I could go on. The fact is, I had a 'difficult' start in life and I came from a poor neighbourhood, whereas there were others who had money, looks and were very popular - I never was. I was always lonely, because I was too intense. I still am pretty intense, but I know when to release it now.
Why waste your time and your energies being jealous? Do you really not like your friend, that you would take away her nice happy life from her? One day time may do that, but leave her alone in the meantime. I'm sure you don't really mean to wish to hurt her. What you mean to say is you want to have the same things, too.
Well, God made everyone different (hooray!!!) and one day you'll find out what's so unique about you that he put inside there. Some he gave plenty and some he didn't seem to give much at all (as in 'parable of the talents') and we really don't know why, but one day, if we get to heaven, we will know everything. Yes, everything. In the meantime, it really helps to just trust that there's a good reason why he made you the way he did, because he really does love everyone equally, but he treats them differently (just like mum and dad, actually).
Stop finding fault and work with what you've got. You're able-bodied, aren't you? Not got cancer? Got enough to live on and enough food? At least one loving parent? Young and still got all your teeth? Well, be thankful, because things could be a lot worse!
You know, the funny thing is, when I got older, around thirty, I noticed that some of those girls I'd known at school who were so just 'drop-dead' pretty in those days had lost a lot of their looks. Some of them looked old before their time, and I have to say, I felt sorry for them. Whereas me - well, I had improved with age! I had never been very pretty - there was always something out of place - but I was a lot more 'together' than they were.
Now? Well I'm a good-looking grannie and loving life, because it's still opening out for me! You know, sometimes our times come a bit later, when others have had theirs. Hang on in there and don't waste your youth on petty jealousy and envying what you can't have. It'll lead you nowhere. Enjoy your young life, be happy for people and keep away from bitterness. Don't cast a shadow on your life of your own making, because you'll never have these years again.
One day, that door of your relationship with your friend will close, she'll have gone away out of your life, and you'll never be able to open it again. Things won't ever be the same, and you'll only have the memories. Enjoy your time with her and your other friends while you can.
2007-11-21 08:49:15 · answer #1 · answered by homechrch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's natural to feel jealous about somebody else. However, you are not her, and you do not know what kind of problems she is experiencing or has. Her life may look good on the outside, but her personal life could be something totally different. Most likely it is, I have never met anyone who has a "fairy tale" life. Some people are just more adept at covering up the bad parts. She may even envy you.
2007-11-21 02:03:20 · answer #2 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, I will not say that I feel sorry about your situation but again I will say that you ought to think about your actions. If you say that she is your friend and at the same time you feel jealous then I sieze to understand you. But I want you to Know that at some point all of us become desparate to get some things that we yearn for but can't get. when you are in this situation you ought to learn one thing and ask your self how your frend got what you want the most. you may consider your self hardworking yet what you do can't help you get what yo friend has. Ask your friend or learn from her since she is your friend, how she got certain things. Not every body who works hard gets what she or he wants. Being jealous isn't going to take you anywhere but learning from her will help you. May be she has a nice boyfreind and you don't have, dear yo time will come and remember that if you are faithful to God everything will come your way in it's own time. Don't act desparate just be faithful and patient. Being jelous of your friend will just stress you and you wont move from your situation. May be your behaviors also chase away men and for her, she is cool and friendly to them. Ask you self questions about yo self and find the problems with your self. Try to change and be a better person but mostly learn from your friend. If you cant then stop acting and decieving her that she is your friend coz friends are not supposed to be jelous of each other but to support and care about each other. I may be too wordy but let me hope that I have been of help.
Stellah
2007-11-21 03:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by stellaz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at this from another perspective. Look at all the things about her that makes her your friend. Is she there for you? Is she a real friend or shallow? Not many people get a real friend. If she is a real friend to you then you need to be glad you have her cuz thats rare. Be happy for her. She can share her family with you too. Her family life can influence you on how you can be when you have one of your own. Dont let your sorrow drive her away. Try finding a book on jealousy and read it maybe it will help you change how you feel toward her. Only you can help you but you have to make the effort. I wish you well.
2007-11-21 02:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to fix is whatever it is that allows you to say "no boy would ever think about dating me." 90% of what makes it seem true is that you believe it. So that's the good news, and it's also the bad news lol. Notice I'm not going to say "you're just as nice, just as pretty, etc. etc., becasue I don't know that. But I do know that what I said above is true.
Now I also don't know how much of the rest of your perceptions are true and in proportion, but don't you agree that things are generally not so black and white. You don't know every truth about her family, etc.
Nonetheless, yes, why wouldn't you be jealous?!? You may be friends who are not exactly peers? You are talking about areas where you feel she outshines or outlucks you, but I'll bet there are one or two areas where it's reversed.
We value fairness, but life certainly doesn't appear to be fair. But often, the compensations are there, no matter how unsatisfactory they seem to be at the moment. Strength comes from exercise and adversity, not from picking plums and cherries from your lap.
2007-11-21 02:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling. Some things just fall into other people's laps, and here I sit struggling all the way. I have just accepted it as a fact of life now, and just go about my own business struggling through.
They say that God has a reason for everything. I sure wish I knew his reason, maybe I could convince him that he is wrong!!! lol
2007-11-21 02:02:58 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey buddy even i have been through such situations in my life before . even i was an unpopular and un noticed guy in my earlier times but now im the dude in my surroundin and where every i go
the simple reason is being jealous ....bein jealous is nothin wrong coz this brings a self realization that we need to prove our self better ...
we all are sophisticated wth some or the other things better than other we just need to understand our positive plus points and hide out our negatives and surely the world will recognize us
2007-11-21 02:06:15 · answer #7 · answered by ronny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey
Everyone gets this feeling at least some point in their life. Every dog has his day. Think that you are no less. I am sure you will be having many positive qualities and credits with you. You are only seeing her plus and your minus. Think reverse and cheer up. Get a hair cut which suits your looks, don't imitate her. Be confident and be yourself and original. I am sure you will also become popular among your friends.
2007-11-21 02:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by Ashwini B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ugh-I know exactly how you feel I'm in the same situation-my friend has everything-the looks,the guys,the "normal" family,and popularity since she's a cheerleader-and I'm the plain one.
like someone else said her life is not "perfect" no one's life is perfect.here's what i do, i remember that i have to be me and not live in the shadow of my friend. soon you'll realize the great qualities you have that she does'nt.
2007-11-22 00:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by ♠Yoru♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well although her life may look perfect from the outside nothing's really that awesome. I'm guessing she's pretty. Learn to feel good about yourself. Your time will come. I bet someone's jealous of you out of there. I am sorry about your family.
2007-11-21 02:04:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋