Married for two months and regretting it?

Question

My husband and I have an 11 month old daughter. When I got pregnant he dragged me to live with his mother eight hours away from the only place I've ever lived. He allows his mother to treat me like complete crap. I became very depressed after the birth of my daughter but started a full time job in April and that has really helped. He has not worked or been enrolled in college for over two months now; he is waiting to leave for basic in Jan. I work a forty hour week, do all the house chores (asking him to do anything is such a big deal I may as well do it myself) and breastfeed my baby. I know he neglects her when I am at work (as in not spending any time with her) so he can play video games for over eight hours a day. Even when he worked/went to school he only worked 20 hours a week or was failing classes. He treats me like a maid or just some woman he lives with. I don't even get a 'thank you' for being f-cking wonder woman. He gets defensive when I try to talk to him.. help?

I am so upset over this--I cry myself to sleep almost every night. True, a lot of our problems are about money (I only make $6 an hour, and we are behind on a lot of bills, mostly his) but I feel like when he enters the military, our issues won't go away, but change--he will whine about having to actually do something and I will still be the maid. I don't mind being a housewife, but an unappreciated maid/babysitter is different. I truly believe he has a computer addiction he refuses to address. This is NOT the man I fell in love with five years ago. I know all married couples go through rough times, but I have been thinking of leaving him for about a month. I can't talk to him. He saw his mother bad mouth me to friends and family behind my back and even in front of his face and still wouldn't try to move out of here. Aren't you supposed to put your wife first? Even second to the computer would be nice..

It breaks my heart to think of leaving him and having to fight for my daughter in court. That is my last option. Maybe I go about talking to him the wrong way or something (no, I'm not screaming and yelling). I really don't believe in divorce at all.

As silly as it sounds I feel like if I threw the computer out the window being as we don't have the money for a new one that would solve a lot of problems!!!

Also I feel like the military will kick his *** to the point that he will HAVE to man up. It's just the two-three months inbetween that worry me, I don't know how much longer I can deal before it starts affecting my everyday life and most of all my relationship with my 11 month old daughter.

I am definitely out of this house the minute I turn on the car from dropping him off at the bus station!! Here's hoping he has some b-lls when he gets home from basic!

Answer 1

I suffered from depression when I moved in with my inlaws too. (my mother in law was also a hypercritical *****.) Your husband might be depressed, which is why he isn't motivated to work. I would tell him that he needs to step up to the plate and help you make some money and the very first thing I would do is get out of his parents home. It will probably get better if you move out and he gets a regular paycheck. If he won't do these two things, you might have to leave. If he truly loves you, he will help take care of you and your child.

Answer 2

Oh, I am so sorry! I can certainly see why you are regretting your marriage.

There are two reasons to not cave in quite yet. One is that you share your daughter, and now is not the time to try and start anew on your own, nor define what financial obligations he should bear. The other reason is also your best hope: the military. They may yet make a man of him, and even if they don't, he'll be hard pressed to escape supporting his family.

That being said, I'm not super optimistic that your can save the marriage, but you need to give yourselves every chance, either way. Besides, if you make a move now, he may decide to NOT enter the military, as a way of avoiding his responsibilites. Ugh, that would not be good.

Good luck.

ADDED: WHOA, WHOA!
1. Your heart is already broken.
2. Re court, agreed, to be avoided if possible, but he hasn't a leg to stand on anyway.
3. This IS NOT ABOUT OR DUE TO "HOW YOU TALK TO HIM"!!! Please, please work on that perception. Please talk to the people at your local abused women's shelter, they know all about that dynamic.
4. You may not need to get a divorce, but you may need to get a separation. It will not have anything to do with beliefs.

I don't see any reason that you cannot move back to or near your parent's house the minute he gets on the bus to boot camp. You have got to provide your daughter with the best that you can.

Answer 3

I feel that he's crushed via the obligations that experience piled up. While you had been residing in combination it wasn't as gigantic a deal, for the reason that you simplest had the a million youngster, now, you're having a moment, and he feels disregarded. He's afraid, I propose that you simply get a nontoxic sitter, and cross with him to counseling and that method the 2 of you'll support every different by way of this. You must don't forget that guys mature later than females, they usually can not realise that they are able to additionally multitask the equal as females. If you confess to him, that repeatedly matters look just a little hard for you too, then he would possibly come blank and speak approximately his emotions as good. You do not regularly need to be courageous and stoic. Ask for support, even supposing you do not fairly want it, guys wish to be wanted. You must inform him that you simply love him, do not take it as a right that he is aware of, however repeatedly it's satisfactory to be instructed that you're cherished. My husband and I are married practically forty one years and we've four kids and seven grandchildren, and he nonetheless tells me that he loves me, no longer simplest with phrases however via deeds. A husband may also be proficient like a dog, however with out his potential, it simply takes love, liking and creativeness. Good success!

Answer 4

I don't want to pull a Dr. Laura on you..but, he is the father of your child. Personally, I'd leave the Mr.Worthless, move back home with my parents work part time and go to college to get an education and when you're done with school, you'd be making a lot more money. It's gonna be hard, but hell no one ever said life was easy. One day you'll look back and be glad you did it...and he'll probably still be at home with mommy playing video games with a beer gut.

Answer 5

It sounds awful. But wait until he gets out of boot before divorcing him. The personal growth he will experience may change him for the better. Seriously, they go in as a child and come out a man. If he hasn't gotten his head out of his rear by then, start the proceedings. Please move back home. you cannot live under the same roof as that woman. You and your child will be better off in familiar surroundings with a support system. You're essentially doing it alone anyway so you may as well be back among your family. Good luck

Answer 6

talk to him in a nice way, preparably when he had a good mood. Let him know your feelings & the situation you are in right now. make him understand that you need his help in household chores & taking care of the baby since you're earning a living. However, if after doing that he still remains the same, then leave that idiot man! You need to be happy with your child. Living with that kind of mother in law & husband will only make you miserable & stress.

Answer 7

why would you need to fight for your child in court? are you cracked out on drugs living on the streets? NO! So the judge is not going to hand over the baby to him! He does not even have a job... Oh yeah and if you get divorced he will be forced to pay child support by the military they will take it directly out of his check and put it in your account. He sounds like a jerk..run while you can! go back home!!

Answer 8

You are your own worst enemy. I think you should leave your husband and go back home if thats possible.
He is lazy, he doesnt have a job, he doesnt take proper care of your baby.
No judge is going to issue your husband custody of your child while he is sitting at home playing video games
You are on the right trac. Just pull yourself up by your boot straps and leave. Dont tell him, just save your money and get out. Make it your Christmas present to yourself and your baby. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can do so much better.

Answer 9

Seems you got an extra kid there...He needs to grow up, to make commitments and then be a father...but you started the film backwards..
It´s a long way!..and you have to think if your´re going to hold that long or make your life by yourself being a mother and father for your baby. In your case I wouldn´t expect big changes in your husband, at least right away---If he´s going to do something about it, first he has to know that he´s doing wrong,,,but you said it..he gets defensive..Now is somebody else talks to him maybe he listens...did you try that?--cuzz in most cases husbands don´t listen to wives...but they do to friends....I mean that´s a hope...I know a counselor will do great,,,if he accepts any help..(but I kind of think he won´t accept the fact that he needs it)
Good luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like he needs a reality check on growing up and being a man. I think you should tell him that he needs to get a job and help you around the house 50/50.