I was really felt like I didn't mean much to him. I'd do things for him, and get lackluster responses, and whenever I was upset about something, and I spoke to him about it, he always claimed it to be such bad timing, or he'd be silent for a few minutes and say he'd call me back. Apparently, he had better things to do than hear my feelings about our relationship or my grandmother's death (yes, my grandma's death). He nickeled and dimed me through our 2nd anniversary, after I got him a digital camera but he didn't get me anything on our first because he got laid off. I first met his parents after 3 years in our relationship. And when I found out that he was lying about not knowing how to cook so he wouldn't have to do anything special for me in return, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I said I wanted to leave. I went to Europe for 3 months to clear my mind. Now he's changed. He's making an effort. He asked me to move in with him a month after I got back.
Is it too late?
2007-11-20 16:21:11 · 11 answers · asked by Angelisurifrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And how do I know he's not just suggesting this move-in as a quick fix to patch up our relationship? He seems genuine, but...it's my "first love," and I really don't know any better. Does he deserve a second chance?
2007-11-20 16:22:59 · update #1
,SkyLight is right, let him earn his way back.
He has taken you for granted.
Too many times we make that mistake. I don't know the reason for the failure of paying attention to the woman we love, but it happens.
Let him earn everything. Yes, including that very special thing.
Give him the opportunity to give you his undivided attention.
I think along the way, you will find out if he really loves you. If no, move on. Forget the old good times. If yes, establish some mutual guidelines about what you expect from him and what he can expect from you.
Bet he will come to heel. At which point you should be really special and nice to him to round our the relationship.
believe it or not, he may need you more than you need him. in all the lack of attention, he may love you more than you can imagine. there is an assumed expectation that women have more tolerance for everything.
when a man gets comfortable with a woman, he generally put everything into that expectation that women have all the answers.
Good luck.
2007-11-20 16:55:09 · answer #1 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-12 06:52:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you all could go to counseling to talk about how what your expectations are -- (him helping with the cooking or whatever) -- and then if you feel like he's willing to work at it, you might try again. But he needs to understand how you have felt let down in the past and the changes that you need going forward to be happier in the relationship. Also, it's give and take. If there is something else that you can compromise for him on, that may help too.
Best of luck.
2007-11-20 16:28:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Skylight. If he truly wants to make it work, he will give you the time you need to be sure that the changes he says he's making will happen, and will last.
Rather than going straight back into the same situation, give yourselves time to know the new people you have become - you not so much the door mat and him not so much the lazy inconsiderate slob.
Who knows, you may fall in love all over again. Or you may realize its just not enough, and you have grown apart. Either way you get to make a decision, without the complications of who moves out.
2007-11-20 16:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can know if it is too late. Do you want to give it another try? How did it feel being gone for 3 months? I would not move in with him under any circumstances at this point. Keep your own place to live and if you want to date him to see how it goes you can always spend extended time together at either home. Asking you to move in so you can take care of him and do special things for him is not making an effort on his part!
2007-11-20 16:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who am I to make that call for you. But I can tell you that if you think things are going to change after 4 years of the relationship being like that, well, the chances are slim. I personally have experiance in your situation and I would not in any circumstances move in with him. Where would you go if it doesn't work out? I have been there. Everything you are saying. I hope your decision works out for you. Good luck.
2007-11-20 16:28:34 · answer #6 · answered by jognmiles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I definitely wouldn't move in with him. He doesn't deserve that kind of commitment from you, from all that you've said here. If you really feel like giving him another chance, I'd take it very slowly. But truthfully, go find someone who appreciates the wonderful things you do and the wonderful person you are. It's not him. And it never will be. Otherwise he already would have been that person. Speaking from experience, here. There's someone WAY better out there for you. You just have to let go of this one to find him.
2007-11-20 16:28:39 · answer #7 · answered by trapeze 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Any relationship deserves a second chance. The fact that he's changed means everthing! He's realized he hasn't been the best til now and now he wants to be better!
2007-11-20 16:26:17 · answer #8 · answered by purplefan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to move back in with him. You could tell him you will consider dating and developing a relationship that meets your needs, and then you will talk about moving back in. ....it would be interesting to see if he is willing to meet you on your terms (rather than his) to try and patch things up.
2007-11-20 16:27:24 · answer #9 · answered by SkyLights90N 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You already said he doesn't care about your feelings, and believe me, he didn't change. He's just lonely.
2007-11-20 16:33:37 · answer #10 · answered by yayaquack 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋