He constantly says things like "it's MY money" and "well I will just take you off of MY account" and "it's MY name on the pay check, you dont work for the money." and when I go out and spend, any amount at all really that isnt for bills or groceries he gets upset, yet every time I look at the bank account info I find yet ANOTHER stupid purchase. THe latest was an E book on how to gain muscle mass for 47 bucks! WHY is it that I cannot buy myself a winter coat that i really really NEED ( becase according to him "we really cant afford it" )and he can buy that? How do I get him to share fairly? I am trying to find a job yself but with a 2 year old and a 3 week old child care is just more expensive than we can really afford, even with me working.
2007-11-20 15:30:34 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like something I've heard my parents argue over millions of times, especially when I was little when my mom had gone back to school and my dad was bringing home the paycheck. You are both adults, you need to both sit down and have a serious talk about it. Maybe have your parents or his watch the kids for a few hours so you can talk without interruptions. Don't get mad and don't yell even if he does. Tell him how you feel, give alternatives to your current arrangement. Maybe you could switch off for a little while, you go to work and he stays home with the little ones, it's not uncommon these days. Whatever you decide it's gotta be a decision you both come to and both are happy with and a decision that's not out of anger.
2007-11-20 15:42:09 · answer #1 · answered by Ruthie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I am a stay at home mom with a 15 month old and 10 year old. I am also joint on my husbands account. I manage all the finances because he sucks at it. Anyway, just because you dont have a steady job with a paycheck coming in doesnt mean you dont work. It is the biggest job you can have. You do work for that money. You take care of the children and do all the things necessary to keep the house going. That is your money too. Sounds to me like it is ok for him to spend whatever but not you. His priorities are not in the right place. Try talking to him and see if he will understand what you deal with during the day with the children and the house. As far as getting a job, I have yet to find anything and you are right, the cost of child care and trying to work is crazy. You would be working just to work. Good luck.
2007-11-20 15:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a night job a few evenings a week and maybe one day on the weekends. He will be home with the children on his own to see what it is like, there will be no daycare involved and you will have spending money that will not be questioned. In all fairness, I would contribute a part of my salary to the household such as buying the groceries or paying certain bills and he will have to contribute by doing certain chores you will not have time for such as evening baths for the kids and dinner dishes.
2007-11-20 16:20:55 · answer #3 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the seperate checking account is working for you now, then I would stick with it. If you decide as a couple to get a joint account, do it slowly. Open a joint account, but keep your seperate ones for a while. Then slowly start moving things into the joint.
2016-05-24 09:59:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, my husband & I, along with millions of other couples argue about this same issue---money. It's never easy, unless you have enough to be "comfortable" and who knows how much that is! I think the main thing to remember is that no matter who technically earns it, it's the FAMILY'S money, not money that belongs to an indivdual. I think the best thing to do is to get on a budget, and really stick to it. Allow for personal things for yourselfs ($50 a paycheck to him for play money & the same to you, for example). If he still brings up the old "it's my money" argument, remind him of how much you WORK at home with the kids. Raising children and housework is the more difficult in comparison to your typical 9-5 office job, in my humble opinion. Remind him of everything that you do for the family. I'm in no position to tell you what you should be doing...but what a blessing that you are financially able to be at home to raise your kids. You aren't forced to assign a stranger to do so. It's not easy but I really think that if you can come up with a budget (with some give for personal expenses and family outings once in awhile), you can ease some of the tension. Good luck, hon!
2007-11-20 15:43:05 · answer #5 · answered by Missy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a credit card and use it and give him the bill at the end of the month. Tell him to pay because its his credit rating will suffer, This is your account as well. What a jerk! I would never say this to my wife. She knows I work hard, and I feel she works just as hard as I do.
If I spend money I feel I'm spending my family's money. YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP NOW AND NOT ALLOW HIM TO TREAT YOUR FAMILY (HIS AS WELL) THIS WAY. If this happens again tape his actions sound or action camera and play it back when he's in the mood to listen. Hearing himself may open his account. Good luck!
2007-11-20 16:17:41 · answer #6 · answered by escapa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that it is his name may be on the pay check. But you are his wife and that you and him have two childern and that 50% of the money in the Account Belongs to you and your children. And that if he loves you and your children. He will stop making stupid perchase and start supporting his family And if that does not work than tell him what joe_flee said.
I hope this can help you.
2007-11-24 13:15:38 · answer #7 · answered by timothy b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.
IN this situation its best that he learns how hard you work.
Ask him to take care of the kida for two days or so and then he will realize how hard it is.
And if you are looking for a easy job why not try applying for a job at a daycare, its easy, you can put your 2 yearold in there for free and you still will be with your kids (but i would wait a bit until your little baby gets older before you start applying)
2007-11-20 16:18:49 · answer #8 · answered by cass. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay home mom and me and my husband have 4 boys and i take care of the finances and everything you can think of, he works and when he gets his pay check it comes to me and if MY husband ever told me something like that i would remind him of everything i do plus not to mention taking care of the kids its hard plus house work plus everything else.You have to be strong and discuss this.
Some of these men don't understand how it is.
But i would sit down with him and ask him why is it OK for him to spend money and not you (of course on reasonable stuff) make your point across to him that what he is telling you is hurting you and see how it goes
Good luck
2007-11-20 16:10:06 · answer #9 · answered by LEO GIRL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With a 2 year old and 3 week old you probaly work twice as hard as he does-and you don't get paid! What a crock! Just because he gets paid doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to spend some too. As long as you aren't going to the poor house becasue of it!
2007-11-20 15:37:28 · answer #10 · answered by twirpy_gurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋