a guy touched my 14 yr daughter's breasts!?

Question

im really really disappointed in her. i thought i had told her numerous times to respect herself! we've talked plenty about sex, etc., but i guess that had no effect on her.i over heard her telling her friend about and i quote"it felt so good"....i just wanted to throw up! i asked her why she wanted to do that and she said i don't want to talk about it. i said well i do cuz i don't want you going around getting diseases and havng guys think your too easy. she said its too awkward. i said well, we've had plenty of awkward conversations before, one more want hurt! she said its not that big of deal, and that she doesn't plan to go any further than that, that she was just experimenting. i don't know who the guy was, cuz she hangs out with several different guys in the neighboorhood. i told her i don't feel like i can trust you anymore. and then she kind of started crying, which i have no sympathy for. i haven't told her dad yet, cuz he's out of town. how should i punish her?

or should i try to reach an understanding and talk it out, to bring us closer? i think our relationship is pretty close. what kind of punishment does she deserve? how can i earn her trust back?

Answer 1

alright, i am 15 and i understand this from your point of view but im going to give you a view from your daughters view without her saying it. no means to offend you at all. do not punish her because that will make matters worse, its not at all that big of a deal, i know you think it may be but just try to prevent it from happening. instead of letting her just hang out with a guy (somethings bound to happen) tell her she needs to be with her other friends in order for her to hang out with that one guy. things dont happen when your around friends. just dont punish her and dont stress to much i know its only the beginning of everything and its a shock but teen years are experimental, its just kind of where we mess up but learn from it, hopfully she'll know and respect that since you dont like what she did she obviously wont do it again if she wants to please you. honestly were like dogs, we just need to be trained properly, not punished. we learn from multiple mistakes. i hope everything goes well and feel free to contact me

Answer 2

Yeh, you should be concerned. However, punishment is not going to do anyone any good here.
You might be a little late but try to give her as much honest info on "WHY" she shoudn't be doing this...Don't preach though......Tell her the repurcussions AND the rewards for abstaining. Do your own homework and be prepared for hard questions
She IS becoming a young woman and you should deal with it from that perspective.....Stop treating her like a child,
and speak honestly and not down to her.
Yeh, I know she really IS just a child but that's not going to work anymore....If you can, do not get into these conversations in the house....Take her to a nice place for lunch or supper, alone. .....Do it casually, not like a tyrant Mom.
Tell her you want to spend "a little" more time with her than you have been. Have fun chats with her OUT OF THE HOUSE!........Be 90% fun and 10% preachy. It wouldn't hurt to mention an innocent mistake you made when you were young and relate it to her.......You actually might have fun relating your teenage years with her. Be as honest as you CAN be...(Ahem).
I wouldn't say anything until you both got used to being together and chatting ,OUT OF THE HOUSE!..Go slow, be patient, have some new fun.....Don't jam it down her throat.
Wake up and realize that nobody can do it perfectly and YOU might have made some mistakes along the way. (Don't we all?)............Good Luck!

Answer 3

The worst thing you can do is fly off the handle. When you react this way, teens tend to rebel and do the opposite. They do this to try and hurt you. What I think you should do is have a mother to daughter talk with her. Let her know what you expect from her and let her know what you will not tolerate. However, do it in a loving but firm manner. Let her know that it's normal for her to have feelings for guys, but she needs to have a certain standard for herself. You are totally right about not wanting her to get diseases. She could end up pregnant or emotionally hurt as well. As a parent, you definitely have a right to be concerned. You also have to set guidelines and restrictions to make sure this doesn't happen again if you can help it. Make sure you know where she is at all times. Get numbers of places she will be so you can call and check up on her. If you find out that guy who touched her is over her age limit, report it immediately. When you tell her father, if he approaches her, make sure he doesn't embarrass or anger her too much. This may cause her to keep things to herself from now on. You have to make sure the lines of communication stay open. That is always the key with teens. You also have to be the parent though. I wish you the best raising a teen in the world today. When I was a teen, I didn't really like my mom a whole lot, but I respect her today. She is my best friend and I love her with all of my heart. I always knew I could talk to her about anything. She would listen and she always knew what to say. It may not be easy for you now, but it will be rewarding one day. Don't give up! Hang in there, Mom!

Answer 4

I'm sorry you had to endure that! But the truth is that
a lot of teens that age do, experiment with fondling!
It is harmless now but can grow into something else.
I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your
daughter, some mothers can discuss any topic with
their daughters and some have limitations. If this isn't
a limited subject then I think you need to keep it at an
even keel. If this is out of her character then maybe she
is not mature enough to be left alone unsupervised until
this wave of hormones gets under control. Most girls
have been fondled or have fondled, make sure she
understands the ramifications of what she is getting into.
By the time teenagers can drive , you have very little control
of what they can do. Hopefully all of your years of upbringing
will do her some good~

Answer 5

I don't think she should be punished she didn't really do anything wrong. Probably all her friends have experienced the same thing or they will be soon. She knows you are not good with it and she doesn't have anything to talk to you about. Boys and girls are both going to experiment and learn about their bodies. It wasn't that long ago when I was 14 and thought it was cool to let someone touch my breasts. Not only did I like it but it also gave me a sense of power. The most important thing for a girl to know is that she can openly talk to her mother and not be judged. If I could have been able to do that with my mother many things would have been different. All we ever did was fight and I was constantly being punished. It accomplished nothing, in fact I did even more just to pull her chain and show her I was going to do as I pleased. I am not a bad girl I have always gotten good grades and continue to do so in college. I just had to show her it was my body and I was able to control it.

Answer 6

Something I see parents do a lot is get in a maturity level where they can't level with their children. Im a parent myself. I have a five year old son. I know its different but look at it like this, at 14, what were you doing, and how would you react to your moms opinion. Then take it from there. My son likes to play with trains. I tell him constantly not to play them on the coffee table, yet he still does. Instead of screaming at him/punishing him, I talk to him a little and show him that its just as easy to play on the table/floor in his room. And demonstrate. What you should try to do is just let her know that you 'dont approve' and that you're worried about diseases and pregnancies. Just let her know that you want her to be your little girl forever and you don't want something to happen that would end that early. Talking is the best solution, having sympathy is one thing, but talking to her at this age like a friend is more important than me being a friend to my five year old. She feels like she lost her moms trust, and thats hard on girl, they're emotional, right? Just talk it out, that should be punishment enough, just because its slightly imbarassing.

Answer 7

Its not a matter of whether you can earn her trust back but that SHE can earn your trust back. I wouldn't let the subject go...furthermore I would tell my daughter that you will talk with every one of her male friends parents and tell them to keep an eye on your daughter. Unfortunately fondling the breasts will go further eventually. Your daughter needs to know that you mean business. Another thing is I would not by any circumstance allow her to go anywhere alone or with a group of friends. She has proven that she needs some tough love here. I would chaperon her to the mall, etc. until you feel that she has taken you seriously. One last thing. I would immediately contact her guidance counselor and sit down together. Your daughter needs to know that this type of behavior is not acceptable. My suggestions sound harsh but pregnancy at 16 or contracting an STD at 15 is even harsher.

Answer 8

of course it sounds okay, it`s only two years anyways and it`s even better the fact that he got held back a year because he`s growing up with younger people so he has probably the same mentality of the soon to be 10th graders. Everyone I know who has skipped a grade all act more mature so why not for someone who got held back. If I were you I would be more concerned if she was in 9 and he was in 12 or something...

Answer 9

DO NOT punish her! I beg you! That will only make the problem worse and probably cause her to not want to talk to you at all.
I hope u understand that this is a time in her life when having a boyfriend and making out seems like the most important thing.
The best thing to do would be to let her know she can come to you in even the most terrible situations.
and if shes ready to become sexually active, having an awkward conversation is a lot better than finding out she's pregnant.
Approach her in a calmly manner, yelling and threatening to punish her will do no good, I promise.

Answer 10

don't punish her! first, feeling doesn't equal sex. And if it she thought it felt good, the maybe you should tell her not to go any further but don't make a big deal about touching.But, obviously, she already knows that And, you obviously have had sex so,really, the idea of breast touching shouldn't make you want to throw up. So here: you've said enough so leave her alone. DON't punish her more, DON'T tell her dad. And have sympathy. Being fourteen is hard and confusing enough without your mom being up your as... i mean makin you feel worse.