Is marriage really worth it in the long run?

Question

I'm 22 so a lot of my friends are getting married and I'm sad to admit that the idea doesn't appeal to me at all. I think its because I see so many men (I KNOW, SOME women too) in marriages who just act like immature babies who can't be bothered to help or be involved. I'm only attracted to men, physically, so there's no problem there, it just seems like a crap shoot for women.

It probably doesn't help that my Dad is the WORST and he is a complete baby. He and my mom have been married for more than 37 years and she has always worked full time and busted a** taking care of us and our home. He never helps and whines about everything. Problem is, he isn't the only example I know of...he's the rule and not the exception from my observation.

So guys, gals...is there any hope for a better outcome for me or should I go with my instincts and stay single? What has your experience been?

Answer 1

Date for a long, long time. Ask a lot of questions. Tell him your values, interests and plans for the future, ask for his. Observe him in social settings, how does he treat other people? What are his political views, spiritual views? Ask his family and friends about him. Is he messy, or neat. Does he know how to cook? Can he take care of himself? Does he want children? Is he willing to help clean the house and take care of kids and work too? Is he well educated? Does he have a career? Is he good with his money? Is he generous? Understanding? Patient? Tolerant? Giving? Selfless? Does he drink or do drugs? Find out everything you can, before you commit your life to him.

When you first meet someone, you are only meeting their Representative. It takes a long time for the real person to show up. Date at least 2 years. Don't have sex before your wedding night.


Every man is not like your dad.

Answer 2

Some need marriage like they need to breathe..some hope for the impossible perfect marriage .. some hope..that in the long run of a real marriage.. that vows taken are not taken lightly or with a background idea that divorce is a possibility.

My advice to you is simple.. do not have sex with a man you are not married to.. to him it is "only sex". Know not just the man you might want to marry but also know his friends ( his choice of friends says much MUCH about him personally ) , his family.. find out if cousin Joe is a child molestor etc.. know his parents well enough to "see" how their own marriage is and suspect righfully that yours will probably be much the same as his own parents marriage. See how he treats his mom and expect the same treatment throughout your marriage. See how his father treats his mother.. expect it all to be the same for you.

Oh..and believe in God. It is what will get you through anything at all. Even the deepest sorrow you have ever known.

God bless your future. Think carefully how you want your children to grow up.

Answer 3

First of all you are still young but you must remember that some people are happily single for life but not everyone is strong enough to be so. I am 44 and have been married only once and that has been for the last 15 plus years. I would have loved to have been married sooner but I did not want to settle. I felt it was wise to get to know who you were going to spend the rest of your life with and also wanted someone who was evenly yoked with me (compatible). After I got married I realized you have to sacrifice at times and also accept. You have to not try to change a person but embrace their differences and let them be your strength. I love my wife and know we are here until death do us part but not every marriage is the same because we all are unique and some people just don't deserve anyone more less themselves.

Answer 4

Now a days it seems that no one puts the effort to stay together anymore and they take the quick way out, even with children. They give up too easy. So unless you find that one man that has you feeling that you long to see him everyday and the feelings are mutual, and you melt from a single kiss and you feel like you have fallen deep into his arms and you don't want it to ever end. The one you can talk to for hours and never be bored!!!! The one you trust no matter how attractive every girl he sees is, and your happy with yourself exactly how you are and feel comfortable in your own skin, and if you were one day alone again you would be ok with that, and your communication is so open that you can tell him anything that bothers you without raising your voice and you can work things out, GO FOR IT!

I have been married to one man for almost 20 years and I can talk to him as if I met him yesterday, so in my eyes it is worth it, but I love my life, and I love who I am, our communication is very open, we talk everynight, we have trust, we work together on everything, and we also have 3 children that can often drive us NUTS! LOL

We work together with each other very well, I can honestly say I have never had a fight, not one. We have had maybe 3 disagreements, he is my best friend.
If I want things to change in the bedroom...................... I just SAY IT! I wanna try something new! You need to have a good sense of humor and be relaxed!!!! If your always too serious you will dig your grave! When a child breaks your favorite vase from China, you have to put yourself in another pair of shoes and think, was I really going to take that to heaven with me? HECK NO! It was an accident and kids will have them, you will need patience with kids, and need to feel little again to understand the fear of screaming, it just shouldn't happen!

I do tend to ramble so 90% of this will make no sense, or at least it will have nothing to do with your original question .LOL

YES with the right person, it is worth it!

Answer 5

don't rush into it! I have been married for 1 yr and If my husband ever leaves me I will not marry again, because it is true..men whine like babies..they want there food,sex,clean clothes and TV..plus my husband is 21 and i am 26 and he is immature we got married too soon and I know that we are just trying to work at it, I guess every situation is different, maybe one day you will meet someone who you want to marry..but maybe not..don't force it or think it is what you have to do..I was ready for marriage, I am 26 done with college and mature, but marrying someone younger with less experience than me has made my marriage sooo hard..and everyday I work at it..but it is very very difficult..Some days I want to throw in the towel! But I keep going in hopes that eventually this man will grow up and be mature..does not help his mother spoliled him his whole life and made him into a mama's boy ( thank goodness she lives in Brazil) When you do marry ..I suggest marrying a man older than you..atleast 4 or 5 yrs older...don't worry you are young..have fun and enjoy the freedom and enjoy the fact you don't have to make a whiney butts dinner everynight and wash their dang clothes!

Answer 6

I'm 34 and single. I too have seen some of the worst marriages & have heard horrible stories but that does not mean automatically you will find yourself in "their" scenarios. You need to have more faith in the future. Learn from your friends & family, give yourself more time to become wise from listening and watching others in their relationships. Then take a chance on marriage. Like everything, it's a risk.

Answer 7

I think you have had a bad role model! I have been married for 22 years and have been happy through it all! So when you find the right MAN, you will know .Then and only then should you get married.

Answer 8

Marriage is good for some people and not for others. You mom must love him to stay. For me marriage is great. But it took me along time to find the right one. But to tell you the truth if i had it to do over again i would stay single.

Answer 9

it's only worth it if you put the effort in. my mom has been married 3 times, my dad is on his 2nd marriage, and my husband's parents and grandparents are STILL together. needless to say, i am still scared crap-less of it after 2 plus years of marriage. you just have to work at it.

Answer 10

learn from people's mistakes and make it better for yo self! marriage is not a bad thing...people's attitudes about it are.remember u get out wot u put in(reap wot u sow) if u put in bad habits/thots etc dont expect to get a good thing out of it.make it work fo yoursel and yo man!!!!