Speaking of child protective services
The pride I have in scars my children wear
The younger sort of parents do not share.
Their fruit is wrapped, unblemished in their care.
What 'nurture' is to them seems 'cage' to me.
Their children march along the well-marked path.
At scheduled time, the kids take scheduled bath.
Confined and meek, but clean, they know no wrath--
But wrath awaits without, you must agree.
The hothouse flower from conditions mild
By insect jaws is very soon defiled,
For safe the garden; dangerous the wild.
Within my sight, my children wander free.
They test unyielding facts against mere will.
Of cuts and broken bones they take their fill.
--I don't allow experience to kill--
And clever fish! They thrive in hostile sea!
My youngest pretty boy is slightly marred.
The eyebrow on his right is clearly scarred.
His climbings led to tumble on the hearth;
I stitched his wound and let him wiser be.
2007-11-20 12:35:46 · 6 answers · asked by skumpfsklub 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Yes, they thrive. The poem is meaningful and beautiful. Bless you for getting the message out there. It's a hard world. Our children need to learn the skills to survive, not safety of a protective bubble.
2007-11-20 13:47:36 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the pride I have in THE (?) scars my children wear
I get what you are trying to say - I think, but it really takes some effort to read this. the words could flow better, not talking about rhyming - in fact get rid of the rhyming. Keep the concept - just see if you can reword phrases so it reads better. Try reading it out loud yourself, that may help.
2007-11-20 20:59:50 · answer #2 · answered by sandoz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not awful but awesome. Ability to deploy end rhymes especially in the last lines of all stanzas while making the poem meaningful is quite amazing!
.
2007-11-20 20:55:34 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa.. I can't explain your natural born talent!
It's not awful!
2007-11-20 21:15:45 · answer #4 · answered by Donster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! HARD TO ANSWER THIS ONE!
YOU SEEM TO HAVE A TALENT BUT YOU ARE ALL OVER THE PAGE. I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY BUT IT DOES NO GOOD IF OTHERS DON'T. REEL IT IN A BIT............
2007-11-20 20:45:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!
I luv it!
Aw-sum!
2007-11-20 21:07:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋