...did I do something wrong?

Question

My parents have been divorced since I was eight (so for seven years), and now I spend every other week with my mom, and every other week with my dad. And at first, they didn't really argue. But now... it seems like that's all they ever do. And somehow, my name always seems to weasel it's way into the fight. I needed to get braces, and they faught over what was going to happen. Two years when I started high school, they faught over what school I was going to. My dad started working late, they faught over how I was going to get over to my mom's house when it was my week with her. Whenever holidays come, they fight over who I'll be staying with. The list is just ongoing, really. And now that Christmas and Thanksgiving and my 16th b-day are comming .... I don't know how they're gonna be...... and I just want to know..... did I do something that makes them fight so much? I know, I'm old enough to know that it's not my fault they split up... but is it my fault they're fighting?????

Answer 1

You did nothing wrong. Obviously your parents did not get along when they were married, hence them divorcing. They are arguing about you because of one of two things. One: You are considered their territory and they are trying to prove a point of who is right and who is wrong.....probably what happened in the marriage too......one always wanted to have the power. Two: They both love you, and want the best for you, but dont see eye to eye on what that is.....a simple case of two people having different ideas. One thing for sure is, they do both love you, and you have done nothing wrong. If you had done something wrong they would always be trying to palm you off onto the other parent. If I were you though, I would be a little bit more assertive when they start arguing and tell them to stop. Tell them its upsetting you and if they continue to fight over who is right and who is wrong, then you will take the decisions out of their hands and make those decisions yourself.

There's nothing worse than being caught in the middle of two people's arguements. I know you love them both, but they are being very childish and they are not considering what this constant arguing is doing to you. Just tell them straight. You are nearly 16, therefore what you say does matter.

Answer 2

no if you weren't in the picture and they owned some joint thing, they would continue to fight. They are just two incompatible people that can't get with it. The error is within them for setting such a sheety example for you. They don't realize how this constant fighting might screw you up.

I think they use you as a kind of power play between each other.
You got a good school counselor?
Next time, and every time they fight like this over you, interject and say firmly you need a therapist because of the sheety example they are setting as parents. Ask them how is this constant fighting over every issue going to bring up a healthy child in this world thank you very much.

Answer 3

Nope. Not in the least.

You'd think that two people capable of creating such a caring sensitive child would have the common sense to not argue. But, it doesn't work like that.

I'm guessing one of two things. Either Mom and Dad have realized they never should have gotten divorced and are mad at each other for it happening. Or Dad has gotten a new girlfriend.

Odds are that Dad having a new girlfriend will piss Mom off more than Mom having a new boyfriend will piss off Dad.

It's just one of the differences in men and women.

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in.

Answer 4

I've been in the same situation. for the longest time i thought that it was my fault my parents split up. but now that i am older i know it was not my fault. all this fighting over who you're going to be with has nothing to do with you. this is something that your parents should work out. you shouldn't spend all this time thinking about these things. If you believe that this is going to get better an keep positive this situation will get better. once again all this fighting is not your fault. you should talk to your parents about this situation. maybe if they know how you feel they just might understand how this is making you feel. just stay positive.

Answer 5

NO!!! It is not your fault! And they should see that you are in the middle of there fighting and it causes you stress. Sometimes divorced people will argue over the smallest things and totally blow them up. If you can try to tell them how you feel and that its hurting you. if they fail to listen to you then just pray to God for guidance. But they should really stand back and look at the big picture, that all of ther constant bickering is making you feel awkward. Whatever you do DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! You are getting older and someday will be on your own, this wont last forever honey, but it seems like forever when you are the one going through it. Talk to them, tell them to please stop the fighting. Sending BIG HUGS sweetie. Take Care ~

Answer 6

Youa re not to blame for there behaivor. it's not your fault. If they bring your name up it's because they both care about you....and want to be involved in what happens to you. It's them tey do not know how to talk any more. Divorse cause the worst in people to come out. and it's hard to forgive and forget what happened in the past. they both love very much. When you get older you will understand more. Don't think for one minute you the blame. You should just focus on your life and going to school.....start planning your life. Your parents wil always be your parents....they may fight forever.....but it's not your fault. it'snot your fault. It's not your fault.

Answer 7

First stop! stop blaming yourself. What you need to do is confront them and tell them straight out how it makes you feel. Let them know you love them both but you feel like you are stuck in the middle. Let them know you understand they could no longer live together but if they have disagreements do it out of your earshot and let it be between them without you being involved or knowing of the strife. Let them know that their constant bickering is making you a wreck. Coming in the door from the front is the only way to get the point across. Maybe do not realize how harsh they sound in front of you.

Answer 8

No it's them acting like children. I don't know if this will work for you but they sound like they need to be brought back to reality. Sit them down and strongly tell them you are tired of the constant fighting and if they aren't going to act like the adults in this, then it looks like it is up to you. You do have some say so in all of this so state it to them. Situations like this will come up from time to time in your life so now is a good a time as any to practice. Sometimes parents get so wound up in their own lives they forget who they are really hurting. It's up to you to tell them! Ask them how can you continue being the child when they are acting like they are? Hopefully they will get their crap together and realize the most important thing they ever did in their lives was have you. Hope everything works out!!

Answer 9

No, it is not your fault. Both of them need to grow up. They are being petty and the easiest way to get to each other is to play tug of war with you. I would tell them how you feel and that they are making you miserable and that it is not fair to you. They should be putting your best interests first and they are not. I hope things get better for you.

Answer 10

It has nothing to do with anything you are or are not doing it's their problem and they will work it out.. They both just love you and wants what they think is best.
I know it bother you but you need to let it all go right out the window.They are going to fight weather it's about you or something one of them did 10 years ago so don't take it so personal.