you are an oxymoron....:P???

Question

OXYMORONS:



1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?



2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?



3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?



4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?



5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?



6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?



7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?



8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?



9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?



10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?



11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?



12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?



13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?



14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?



15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?



16. Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?



17. If all the world's a stage, where is the audience sitting?



18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?



19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?



20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?



21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?



22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?



23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?



24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we towel dry?



25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



26. Why do they call it a TV set when it's only one TV?



27. Christmas: What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Answer 1

Thanks for the lesson, I learn enough now to stop feeling like a "moron"

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Yes.

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

The second hand isn't necessarily the third hand. It could be the first hand. The only definite third about it is that it's the third largest time keeper on the three-hand watch. (aka it is the smallest time keeper)

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

You're not using a respectable dictionary. If it really is misspelled, I'm sure you would know once a more accurate dictionary came into your life.

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

People long before himself. Also, he didn't.

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

We say it because people have become so stupid they make up their own vocabulary for things that they can't think of how to explain.

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Because slow down is the literal term and slow up is a corruption of slow down and wait up.

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

They only mean the same thing because fat chance is said sarcastically to imply that you have a slim chance.

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Because there are generally two boats on the barge, one tugs and the other pushes. Both boats were given the name 'tug-boat.'

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

The song implies reminiscence if a person already at the ball game sings that song. It's also an ode to the joy of all ball games, not to be taken literally.

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Because they stand up for you to sit on.

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

It's a kind of hyperbolic phrase. If a normal 24-hour span consists of
Dawn ~ Morning ~ Noon ~ Afternoon ~ Evening ~ Midnight
assume that Midnight is when it gets dark. After dark means that it is after the darkness has already passed into an even greater darkness. Or, post-(the original time of the darkness).

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

That's true, it does. On the other hand, I would argue that you can never expect the truly unexpected, because if you could expect the unexpected, you would never be surprised.

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Wise guy has picked up the connotation of a person who takes things literally in order to turn your sarcasm against you. Wise man still literally means a man who is wise.

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Since when?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

Because ph and f make the same noise. Phonics is spelled the way it sounds. It's just not spelled in the way most people think it would be spelled. I suppose you should expect the unexpected.

16. Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Because inflammable, the older version, means to be able to be set to flames. "Inflame" + "Able" The newer version of the word, flammable, means to be able to be set to flames. "Flame" + "Able" The real reason is that inflame and flame mean the same thing.

17. If all the world's a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Say, for the sake of argument, the entire world is in fact a stage. Then the actors would, of course, be those participating in life. So, take the opposite of that statement -- The nonactors (audience) would be the nonparticipants in life.
So, that could mean that the audience are the dead, and since the earth is constantly recycling itself, the audience is in fact the stage.
Or that could mean that there is no audience.

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Love being blind isn't a truth, but an opinion. Also, lingerie is lust.

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Dyslexia isn't only confusion with left/right sides of words, but actually a learning disability in which the dyslexic person has trouble comprehending and dictating words. If you're also cross-eyed, I would expect that you have, in fact, two problems. Two problems that don't cancel each other out. Correctional surgery may be necessary.

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

This is an age old question that's easiest answered in the form of other questions. Take scissors, for example. Scissors are only one object, yet they're referred to as a 'pair of scissors.' One can only assume that this is because the scissor is comprised of two, not one, sharpened levers.
A bra is singular because bra is short for brassiere which has always been a full article of clothing.
Panties, being plural, is quite debatable, though. One could say it is because clothing worn on the legs is typically referred to in the plural sense. For example, pants, slacks, boxers, blue jeans, knickerbockers, etc., all in the plural form. They all involve two legs. Panties, those that have any legging add-on, have two legs. Whoever heard of a pair of panties that is actually an underskirt.

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

I don't, because that doesn't do anything to help you. Some do because they need to reassure themselves that they're actually pressing down hard enough on the buttons.

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

Some do, some don't. Suitcases were commonly used for suits. Then, the wise idea of putting other clothing in those same cases came about. Now, the suitcases don't deserve to have their name generalized to garmentcases just because some intruder came into their housing structure.

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Because a word need not represent itself in spelling by its own definition. Why doesn't the word 'happy' make everyone feel good when they read it?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we towel dry?

Because dead skin collects on the bath towels, not to mention stagnant water and soap residue. That isn't totally sanitary, if you're anal about cleanliness.

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Because glue doesn't stick to itself. Glue would stick to the inside of the bottle if only a bit of blue was in the bottle, but instead, there is so much glue inside the bottle that the glue is too busy being one mass of ooze to stick to the inside of the bottle. Also, plastic, if that's what you're talking about, isn't a very glue-friendly material. Gorilla glue, on the other hand...

26. Why do they call it a TV set when it's only one TV?

First, know that television has a more literal meaning of far-vision. The television set often came with another feature that made it into a set -- audio. No one calls the television the telephone, though. Later television 'sets' often came with remotes, too, making it an entire set.

27. Christmas: What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Most people don't use their own socks, and often there isn't candy, but small toys, in the socks.. But to address the entire issue.. For the average person, there is no other time.

Answer 4

Interesting....but only 8, 10 & 12 (maybe) are oxymorons! The others are just strange terms we use in everyday language.

Answer 5

why do guys always turn the volume down in the car when they're lost?
why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
what does Christmas have to do with me eating candy out of my socks?

Answer 6

I am an oxymoron, like the words freezer burn? No I am not, I make complete sense. But what you have said makes me wonder about the world. Like an optimistic pessimist, that is what one of my friends calls himself. Strange.

Answer 7

good grief, bitter sweet, trying to keep the peace when arresting people, old news...hahaha

Answer 8

star

Answer 9

Lovely! You made me smile and I
really appreciate that.
: )

Answer 10

too much here ...i am going to get a head ache, i want to have fun, not do home work...lol