We have been married for 12 years. After losing his job 3 1/2 years ago he has spent it sitting on the couch playing a computer game. I make an OK living but not enough for the both of us. I refianaced the house two years ago and took some money out, but that has pretty much dried up. Now instead I am going into debt. My house is a mess since he will not lift a finger to do anything. I just don't want to live life this way any longer. I want to be able to make this right for the both of us. Splitting up is always difficult. I don't want the yelling or screaming, just a clean break. How would you go about this if it were you?
2007-11-20 11:36:27 · 15 answers · asked by Katie H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh honey....you tell him just the way it is an you don't want NO bolognie! It's Over an Bye Bye!
2007-11-20 11:40:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is suffering from some pretty major depresssion. Don't you think you should try to get some help. Bailing on someone when they appear to be at a major low point in their life is not the best thing to do. He was the love of your life and your hero 12 years ago. Scream, yell, fight, get his family involved, your family involved, do what ever you need to do to help him get back on his feet. Sounds to me like you want to avoid confrontation and maybe you have just let him sit there the last 3 years while you slowly stewed. This is the sickness and in health, for better or for worse part of the vows.
2007-11-20 14:34:30 · answer #2 · answered by Ann L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about him getting a job? Have you asked him to help clean up the house while he is off? If you talked to him then now tell him that you had enough it is either him getting a job and helping around the house or it is you. Let him think about it and if it happens again then leave. You will feel better knowing you gave him an option instead of just getting up and leaving.
2007-11-20 11:40:30 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you're really over him...
Tell him if he doesn't have a job in two weeks, you're filing for divorce. I doubt he'll get a job by then, then serve him with the papers. Tell him just like you said here, you refuse to stay married to a man who's bee a deadbeat for the past three years and especially a man who gets to stay home who doesn't lift a finger to help out but play video games.
What if he gets half your house or asks for spousal support?
2007-11-20 12:22:23 · answer #4 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could do what my ex-whore did to me. Just tell him that you are under so much stress that you feel like you have to do away with the least important thing in your life.
Of course, I had a job.
Then again, you could talk to him and tell him what is happening.
You need to tell him your concerns and let him know what is happening and will happen if he does not help.
You rise and fall together in marriage. Divorce is like suicide. The easy way out.
Leaving should be the last thing on your mind. Leaving him is not going to make the debt go away, especially when you factor in the costs of divorce.
2007-11-20 13:04:00 · answer #5 · answered by Aenarion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This my dear is my solution i would fix thanksgiving dinner and i would say you know i love you but i'm tired of having all the responsibility and you have made no effort at all i don't want to fight about this but its time and i want a divorce and i don't want the hasssle of fighting and screaming i just want out . And then my dear you will have your answer for the next steps. Or just move out now i feel the face to face approach is the best it eliminates the surprise and the hassle.
2007-11-20 11:43:05 · answer #6 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sell your house and get a very small apartment. Also, liquidate all of your other assets. Just tell him that downsizing is in order. Then, file for divorce so that you don't have anything to fight over and it would easily allow you to move into another place becuase you won't be attached.
The bum will try to mooch off you if you don't!
2007-11-20 11:52:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think youll get a clean break, sad to say. He will be resistant to moving out of his nice, comfortable, easy life. You should argue the fact that he hasnt tried to help with running a life - and that shows extreme selfishness, over such a period of time.
2007-11-20 11:41:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Finances, one of the many reasons people get divorces.
You didn't mention one thing about love. Or what you've tried to get his lazy *ss off the couch. It sounds like you've just given up.
So I guess what you do is based on whether you really still love the man or not.
2007-11-20 11:45:58 · answer #9 · answered by John R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he ever go out? I once packed up my stuff and left when he was gone. It seems you have to talk to him because you have the house to consider like who is going to stay in the house, or are you going to sell it and split the money.
2007-11-20 11:43:36 · answer #10 · answered by April First 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋