i'm feeling a bit insecure... i know, it's silly.
but my best friend is getting married & her hubby-to-be's friends from out of state are throwing him a bachelor's party & my husband is going to go since he's good friends with the hubby-to-be...
and i'm just worried :(
do you think that's understandable?
what should i do? pretend i'm not bothered or let him know?
2007-11-20 10:46:58 · 17 answers · asked by Ember Halo 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
thing is, i don't KNOW what they will be doing, i don't even know the guys that are throwing it. i'm worried there will be porn or something...
oh, and i get to stay home by myself while he goes :(
2007-11-20 10:54:00 · update #1
stfu, S B
2007-11-20 10:56:40 · update #2
we actually do have some trust issues...
and i'm admittedly against all porn, strip clubs, etc... (he knows my stance & why)
2007-11-20 11:03:46 · update #3
sheesh- i read & re-read what i wrote & for the life of me can't seem to find where people read that i am a controlling ***** & don't let him do anything & want to prevent him from going...
i could have *sworn* i was asking about pretending to be okay with it or saying something about how i feel...
2007-11-20 11:30:29 · update #4
i know for a FACT that he would get so bent out of shape if i were to go to a bachelorette party with male strippers there...
and i'm actually starting to get the vibe that he doesn't want to go now, because now there *will* be a bachelorette party at the same time & he's nervous about me going...
2007-11-21 02:35:43 · update #5
It's perfectly understandable!
Some of these answers your getting are insane. When these women who have never been pregnant do get that way & become insecure, THEN they will understand what hormones can do to someone.
Actually, I would probably still be a little worried even w/o being pregnant but that's just how I am.
Don't pretend you are not bothered, let him know that. Communication is key. BUT, don't go overboard w/ it either.
2007-11-21 01:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Mommafig took the words right out of my mouth.
Communication is what a successful relationship is all about.
You need to share your feelings ...otherwise how will he ever know?
Let him know how you feel and see what he says...a few words of reassurance from your man may be all it takes for you to both get what you want...
Security for you and an "R Rated" but a "completely innocent " night out with the boys for the hubby
*****It's a bachelor party, not a tea party...
I would assume there WOULD be "porn" or strippers or whatever...
Drinking and stupid behavior at the very least...
If you aren't "OK" with that, you should speak up.
If you're not "ok" with it...he should know that already.
And screw staying home...you're 6 months pregnant...not grounded...
Why don't you get together with the best friend?
Have a "girl's night" or something?
Go have a nice dinner out or throw a "Spa Party" and hire a massage therapist and a facialist to come over and spruce you girls up...all in the comfort of your home?
**** We used to have some issues too...most of them stemmed from my insecurities...becuase we never really had an 'incident" that would have warrented the "trust issue" ...I have since gotten over it an don't much care one way or the other about "visual arrousal" ...but if you aren't there, and it is causing you anxiety...use the baby card...if it's stressing you out...it's not good for you or the baby and you either need to let it go...or he needs to stay home...
But if I were you, I'd really sit down and talk ...start there...in the grand scheme of things...as long as he keeps his pants on and his hands to himself...there's no harm in a bachelor party...no matter how inappropriate it is...in fact...my hubby went to one once that was so raunchy...he was embarrassed and came home... Boys can be dirty...but most aren't completely uncivilized.
The bottom line is if infidelity is a concern...it's going to happen if it's going to happen and a bachelor party really has little to do with it.
Good Luck
2007-11-20 10:53:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
Awww...I understand you're feeling insecure and the hormones are in full effect, so naturally you want his undivided attention.... However, from a logical perspective, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. First off, I don't know if you have been to strip clubs, but two of my friends used to strip in college and I used to go there on the weekends and study while they finished working...and I used to occasionally go with my exes....there is really nothing going on. The strippers will just be assisting you in warming him up.
Making a big deal out of nothing will bring more distance than a stripper ever could...if I was in your situation I would not pretend. Your feelings are precious, so I would tell him I'm feeling insecure and that I wanted more attention and affection, but that I want him to go...that way he'll be more attentive to you and at the same time will be allowed to be with his friends and be an individual---this will bring you closer, not farther. Do something fun for yourself that night...maybe have a girl's night or get a pedicure and pamper yourself :)
EDIT:
If you have trust issues, are against strippers and porn and feel strongly about it, I guess you would feel resentment afterwards. This would make him have to pay consciously or subconsciously for a while, and if you know that's going to be the case, then ask him not to go....but if you feel that you can compromise, then meet him half way...let him go and ask him to do things to make you feel better...It's only one night...a few hours :) And just to let you know, I don't know too many marriages that fell apart because of a stripper. However, I know people break up all the time or cheat because they feel trapped and don't get to be individuals :(
2007-11-20 11:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by Lioness 6 · 5⤊ 3⤋
Your worry that there will be porn or a stripper is well-justified because 90 percent of what goes on at bachelor parties is inappropriate.
Take it from a guy who's been there....and had to leave!
Tell your husband what you're worried about. If he's a good man he will say "you are right to worry about it and if there is something objectionable I will leave."
Or...if he can find out what is being planned, he can just make an excuse and bow out.
2007-11-20 10:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by Knight of Malta 3 · 6⤊ 2⤋
i know how you feel. when i was preggers, i felt ugly, fat and when you can't see your feet, your self-esteem kinda goes bye-bye as well.
you probably know this , but you have to tell him how you feel. make a compromise:he can go out but no strip clubs. or whatever else makes you feel a little better.
that said, i would let him go-but don't just sit home alone! ask a friend over, have dinner with your mother, rent movies and eat cheesecake! whatever you wish! coz once that baby is here, neither one of you will be going out for a while. ;)
i hope you feel better and i bet you are one beautiful pregnant gal!
2007-11-20 11:13:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Depends on what they will be doing at the bachelor party. A lot of guys engage in a lot of harmless fun - drinks, sports, etc.
If there is going to be a stripper or some other kind of objectionable thing at the party, I would be against it whether I was pregnant or not!
It's not a trust issue. It's being concerned about your husband seeing stuff he doesn't need to (and has no right to).
Maybe you could tell him what your concern is (i.e. lewd or sexual stuff) and he can just leave if it's something like that. A lot of times, men keep it secret about what will be the activity at the party.
So I guess, if you trust him, you can trust him to leave if it gets inappropriate.
2007-11-20 10:52:03 · answer #6 · answered by Veritas 7 · 6⤊ 3⤋
i would let him know how i am feeling tell him that it doesnt mean he cant go your just a little insecure about it and i am possitive there is going to be porn and i would not worry about that is normal if you trust that your husband would never cheat on you then dont worry about it my husband likes to go to gentlemens clubs but i dont like the idea of not knowing whats going on even though i know he would never cheat so we made a deal that he doesnt go unless i go with him and we always have a good time
2007-11-20 10:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by mother to Eva Nicole 4/25/08 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
wow.. i have to say that some of these answers are a bit too hard an ya!
Look i think you NEED to tell him what you think. You need to tell him how you feel. And you need to be clear on why and what you want to happen. If you really don't want him to go.. speak up. That does not mean he will choose to stay home.. but you can tell him that his actions have consequences.
I can totally see why your so stirred up about this! So speak up!
My hubby and i actually think alot a like when it comes to this issue.
2007-11-20 11:48:54 · answer #8 · answered by ♥cutemamma♥ 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would not let him go..Call me controlling ***** if you want but my husband knows that strip clubs or any kind of party where there will be naked women is off limits for him..
& of course it's understandable, some women are mean! I comlpetely trust my husband, as in i know he would not cheat on me.. But i still don't want him looking at other naked girls.. He swore respect to me on our wedding day. & to be honest, he wouldn't go.. even if i said yes..
2007-11-20 12:34:29 · answer #9 · answered by ˚despeяate housewife˚ 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Why are you worried? Do you think it has something to do with your pregnancy? (Just wondering since you mentioned it in your question). Did you care if he did stuff like that before you got pregnant?
I personally don't care if my husband goes to bachelor parties, strip clubs, etc. I completely trust him and I know he hardly ever even goes out without me. It's a rare occasion when he does.
But, if it bothers you, you should mention it, unless you think you're just being hormonal and emotional.
2007-11-20 10:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by That's not my name 7 · 6⤊ 4⤋