Is it normal to feel annoyed when my roommate cooks dinner while I'm eating?

Question

I live with my 53 year old Aunt (I'm 30)--and we get along VERY well. We're both single. I pay rent & utilty bills (which helps her out alot) , and we each buy our own food.

I have a VERY stressful job as a teacher's aide in a tough school, but my Aunt is retired and home all day. This may seem strange; but I like to eat dinner alone and have the kitchen to myself. I like to read the paper & eat in peace and quiet, which I find relaxing. In the past, my Aunt cooks & eats around 7pm--while I usually eat dinner around 6...But recently, I decided to eat dinner at 5pm. All of the sudden, my Aunt has started cooking dinner at 5pm. While I'm eating, I hear the the clanking of pots & pans, along with her moving back & forth around the TINY kitchen. I find this VERY annoying and I dont know why! When I asked her why she's cooking so early now--her feelings were hurt & she got upset. IS IT STRANGE THAT I'M ANNOYED? AM I SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING TO SHARE THE KITCHEN?

Answer 1

Firstly, I certainly admire you for sharing with your aunt. You're a saint for that. But, secondly, I suspect you're carrying the stress of your job home with you. Something like that is annoying you because you want peace and quiet when you get home. Maybe you can make a plan to either share cooking together or what time each of you will be using the kitchen. Please try not to hurt her feelings because it will only add to your stress level. I bet that if you can share the kitchen together and unwind after a long stressful day, you will learn to "de-stress" when you spend time with your aunt. Good luck to the both of you. Gladys.

Answer 2

She's probably been looking forward to seeing you when you get home (not realizing the stress you've encountered at school), and Auntie wanted to have someone to talk to. I think she might be a bit lonely, and she appreciates your company. Also, if she felt hurt by your comment, perhaps she felt you were being impatient or made her feel unimportant. Is there any way you could read the paper later, and make the dinner-time a time when you can socialize and include her in the meal plans? I think it would mean a lot to her if you could. And since you're living in her house, she probably doesn't think she is expecting much. Even though your aunt might not have had as stressful a day as you've had, she still might have had some stress, and simply wanted to enjoy your company over dinner.

Answer 3

The key word is "live with". Is that literally, as in 'her' house?
I have also had to live with an aunt in the past. And since it
was her house, she set the rules and let me know it, in no
uncertain terms. She told me when I could use her kitchen and
what time I should be out of her kitchen and have my dishes
done. Many times she'd come in and look to see how much
longer I'd be, and if I was cleaning up after myself as I was
cooking. Everything had to be done her way. Or she'd rant
and say some abusive things. She felt she could say anything
and I couldn't. I fired back at her and didn't care if I hurt her
feelings, because she turned into a hateful witch. I didn't know
that she was going thru Alzheimers and was already dealing
with her own devils within herself. She was very unreasonable.
What you need to do is establish a schedule to avoid
any misunderstandings in the dinner making. If she wants
to do hers at an earlier hour, be gracious and allow her that
week to do hers early. And suggest you take the next week.
There has to be compromise in order for two cooks to get
along. Unless you both want to agree on sharing meals for
a week and try that on for size. One week she cooks, and
one week you cook for both of you. Maybe that would be the better suggestion.
I also lived with an old girlfriend for a few years and
because she went to the gym once a week, she took the
late schedule. When I was through eating my dinner, she'd
be coming in the door. And so I would hurry to wash the
pans I used so she could have them. Anytime two people
live together, there has to be give, as well as take. If you
still choose to cook separately, ask her which shift she'd
prefer to use and you take the opposite. So you won't be
running into each other. And hopefully she will be agreeable to a change off that you both can agree with.
I hope things work out for you both.

Answer 4

I don't think you're selfish, but I agree that your aunt is probably lonely. It would be nice if you could set aside a night or two that you'd have supper with her and make those your special evenings together and then she might let you have the alone time you want.

Maybe you could also tell her you realize she is lonely and suggest she might like to work part time, volunteer somewhere, take a class, etc. to get her out some. She could meet new people and she may then enjoy some alone time herself when she's home. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 5

We all have some bad days once in a while and we want to be alone and we get over sensitive to our surroundings. But this usually pasts. Now your problem is that your aunt is getting in your way and you are sharing your place with her. You have to learn to be kind, considerate and cooperate with her since she is the only relative staying with you . She is a parent surrogate and she just wants to get your attention by cooking when you are around. Maybe she thinks you will think she is lazy and not doing anything around the house when you are not there. These is her only way cooking to show you she is very much around. Maybe you can ask her to cook food for you while you are at work . Then she will feel important and useful.

Answer 6

Ya it kinda seems to me like she is trying to hint at you that she would maybe like to start having dinner at the same time so she has some interaction throughout her day. Instead of complaining about it, why not buy food together and have her make dinner for you so when you get home its ready and you two can eat together. That way you can still eat and relax without her banging pots and pans around and she will get the satisfaction of not only cooking for you but also spending time with you.

Answer 7

Maybe since you changed your dinner schedule,your aunt decided to follow suite. As long as you have a room mate,there might be always something to complain about,but be glad she is not up in the late hours of the night ,banging pots and pans or making any other types of annoying sounds!

Answer 8

It is certainly understandable that you want some time to yourself to decompress from a stressful day, but you don't live alone. I agree with the others, she is probably lonely, and dinner time feels like a natural time to share some time together. Try and understand why she got upset. Try and find a happy medium, so she feels included.

Answer 9

It is her house not yours. You are the guest even though you pay rent. You are very set in your ways for only being 30. She is alone all day and probably could use a little company. Why don't you talk to her without getting upset and work something out to make you both happy.

Answer 10

Your aunt is lonely and wants to be with someone. You want quiet time but I think you need to spend some time with your aunt and then go be alone in your room. Eat together and enjoy each others company.