living in sin.
me and the bf have been together 9 years and have 3 kids we are perfectly happy but get pressure from the family and our girls want to be bridesmaids what do we do? stay as we are, or bite the bullet?.
2007-11-20 10:02:14 · 24 answers · asked by **Tiggers**mum** 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YOU have to decide not your family. Dont be bullied into doing something just to keep the peace. Do what makes you both happy!
2007-11-20 10:05:32 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Marriage can be an administrative convenience when it comes to life insurance, pensions, wills and the like but, to be honest, these are things that can usually be sorted out anyway if you plan ahead and draw up the documents. Of course we don't always get around to it, but it can be done.
My (now) wife and I lived together for 7 years before we got married. I went into marriage very much as a convenience, not believing it would make any difference to our relationship. I really was pretty cynical about it but, when it happened, I loved it and was so glad we did it. It made an unexpected difference to both of us. We celebrated 29 years of marriage this year.
As most people have rightly said, you have to do what is right for you - forget all that nonsense about 'make it legal' - it is perfectly legal already. It just may not be legal in all the ways that would be convenient if anything went wrong.
If I were to be in that situation again, I would choose a humanist ceremony (they are so warm and personal) and, though I hate to say it, would make sure family influences were kept at bay. Be happy.
2007-11-20 11:09:05 · answer #2 · answered by scullion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on laws where you are you may already be legally married. In Texas is you "perpetuate a marriage" you are married. You simply have to live as man and wife and if the neighbors think you are married and you introduce yourselves as man and wife....you are legally married. (no time requirements) Your laws could be different.
After 9 years I would assume you would wish to make your children legitimate so they will have legal inheritance rights. If you and your husband were killed in an accident they could have lots of legal problems. So do the right thing for them. There is a reason for the marriage thing and it's not emotional commitment. A child born to unmarried people do not have inheritance rights in some circumstances.
If you don't want to make a production of this marriage thing, just take off a week-end get a justice of the peace, get married, do a nice drive or flight and stay in a resort and enjoy each other without the kids and just don't tell anyone. If it get brought up later just say......dummies we ARE MARRIED.
2007-11-20 10:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lyn B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should get married.
I just can't think of any reason why not to except for laziness.
You love the guy and he loves you, you have your home and kids... why not seal the deal?
You don't even need to make it a big deal - go on holiday somewhere in the UK, meet up with a priest or whatever and have a 5 min thing followed by a nice lunch!
It just lets everyone know that you intend to stay together forever... it might seem unimportant, but your family just care :)
A marriage means you are financially secure. Do you both have a will? What happens to your money if one of you dies? It won't go to each other unless you are married... things like that.
My sister has had a baby with a guy who she is living with but not married too and it worries me... i want to know she is taken care of.
2007-11-20 11:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you had been together for a couple of years i would say get married but you are obviously settled and happy so what is the point in spoiling that by having to waste hard earned money! You could just have a big party and put a ring on each others fingers without having the bells. I am married but i had only been with my husband for 9 months when we decided to take the plunge, if it had been any different i wouldn't of bothered, a peice of paper doesn't make any difference to your happiness, i have known many people get married after many years together and then they suddenly end up splitting.
2007-11-20 10:10:54 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try a Humanist 'wedding' - it can be perfect for the non-religious but pleases the whole family - you make it what you want it to be - not the horrible traditional weddings that people get fobbed off with nowadays and feel obliged to have. Other than that, being married is no different from living together if you have the mind set that its a commited relationship. That being said, if its all one to you, for the sake of your children and family, go ahead and tell the world you love one another!
2007-11-20 10:19:22 · answer #6 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what ever you and your partner feel you wish to do as already said, dont be pushed into anything. if your happy the way you are (Both of you that is) then dont do anything to change but talk to your partner about it....
The most important thing in life and your relationship is you both work together to be happy and content.... getting married wont change that...
I myself was in a very unhappy marrage for 16 yrs and ive been happy since being single altho im in a relationship both me and my partner dont want to get married, we are happy the way things are.... but we both have our own homes and we often live under the same roof but half the time at my place the other half at my partners home.... so im sure we are different from you as i think you both live under the same roof....But we have our own space if we want it and it works for us...
Your children will think of you as mum and dad no matter , regardless if your married or not.....
Suz
2007-11-20 11:11:52 · answer #7 · answered by suzanne b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the right thing and make her into an honest woman. If things are going well now, chances are they will stay the same. It's not the marriage certificate that jinx you, it's the couples on whether or not they want to make it work. Go for it and tie the knot.
2007-11-20 10:09:48 · answer #8 · answered by GI Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is something you have to decide and not be pressured into
it is your lives you are talking about
if yall have been together for 9 years and doing great
what is a piece of paper gonna do
you are already spouses in the eyes of the law anyway
2007-11-20 10:11:01 · answer #9 · answered by messageinabottlebynic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Snap!! haha don't worry about it - me and my bf have been together 14 years with 3 kids, which keep me busy enough without the thought of marriage!! Do whatever you feels right for you!!
2007-11-20 10:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋