He wants to get married. His mommy has always bought him everything he wants. He didn't get a job until he graduated. He quit the full time job for a part time so he'd have more free time. He took a year off before college. He doesn't like to cook; he'd rather buy a burger & fries.
I went to grooming school. I own a small business that just makes enough money to live on, because it's new and so much has to go back into the business. I have a strict budget that I follow.
I understand that he has to learn from his mistakes. How do I prepare myself to go along for the ride? I am willing to have the phone and electricity cut off for not paying bills, and stuff like that, but I need to keep my business going. I need him not to use up the money from that too. Help!!!!
2007-11-20 09:02:53 · 8 answers · asked by 2bzy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually, I really do want to marry him. I love him. But I don't want to be his mommy, and I don't want to cramp his learning style... erg! It's hard to explain! I want a safety net. I don't want a marriage failure. I don't want to be without him...
2007-11-20 09:20:39 · update #1
Yes, Brother Otter! I don't want to undermine his self-reliance! Exactly! But I'm scared of losing him. Is there no way for us to be together and him still learn to take care of himself?
2007-11-20 09:32:45 · update #2
Simply don't let him get his hands on it!
Just because you are together, it does NOT mean that you have your finances together too! That is just stupid and I don't know why people do it.
btw, there is nothing at all wrong with him wanting free time and stuff (anyone who DOESN'T take a year off before college is creepy in my opinion...lol), but if he can't manage his money, don't ever let him touch any of yours.
If you do feel the need for a joint bank account or whatever, then get one where YOU have to sign if he wants to make a withdrawal. I'd just advise you to keep your finances separated and amke sure he pays equal for any bills/expenses. If he can't, then you are definitely doing the right thing by being willing to go without them (phone, power etc).
On a different note I'd advise you also to have a cell phone or blackberry or whatever where you can be contacted /(in case you DO have phone cut off) and maybe get emails, esp with your new business. Good luck with it by the way, and well done, you sound like such a go getter. ;) hehe.
Good luck with your marriage also.
2007-11-20 09:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by myleslr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You prepare by telling this guy you're not going to marry him until he learns financial responsibility.
Do not hitch up with this guy if you're expecting money trouble! It'll just hammer your credit rating. And since you've got a business, if you're in a joint property state then the business becomes a shared asset and creditors could bleed it white.
Fortunately, money handling is a skill that can be learned. It takes self-discipline. The Dave Ramsey program might be a good place for him.
I'm concerned that this guy is just moving out of mommy's house into wifey's house. A smart business woman may look like a serious meal ticket.
A guy has to have some self respect and that comes from self reliance. Self reliance comes from doing it for himself.
I suggest that you *really* do not want to be married to a post-teenage boy. If he's always got everything he wants, he's likely to kick and scream when that stops (being married is often about getting very little of what we think we want and having to decide what's actually important). He may be a real gem in the rough, but you don't have to take on the job of doing all the polishing. Him getting knocked around a bit for his own mistakes will do a lot.
You sound like you've got a really level head on your shoulders. I'll bet you don't want a partner you have to raise or rescue. Give him a little space to grow up and then see if you still want to be his missus.
2007-11-20 09:22:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two can get married, and you can still have an accout that is just yours that he cannot touch. You do not have to share everything, especially since he is so irresponsible. You might want to hold off on marriage, considering it looks like he knows exactly what he wants in life, and you don't want to be married, if he figures out it's something that would put a strain on your marriage. You seem like you have a level head, so keep that common sense, and listen to your brain.
2007-11-20 09:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry him until he can PROVE that he has his finances under control, or else you WILL find that he will drain your business along with anything else that he earns. As a married couple the courts will consider the debts incurred to be both of yours, and if he goes too far off the rails, financially, he may take your business with him.
If he needs time to grow up, wait for him, but do not commit until he does.
2007-11-20 09:11:49 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
properly do no longer make the statement greater stable than what it style of feels. It sounds like they are understanding to the affection the two one among you proportion. you're making very convincing arguments thinking you sound such as you're financially able to marrying and to blame adequate to take such an important step. the important subject whilst making this statement is to be trustworthy and communicate from the heart. in the event that they initially stand up to to the belief, patiently and maturely clarify to them 'why' you are able to choose to get married. good good fortune and congratulations.
2016-11-12 05:40:37 · answer #5 · answered by rimpel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a man but about money he is a child. missing payments will doom your marriage and ruin your life. there are certain things that cant happen even once. that is one of them. your credit rating will follow you around your whole life. read the suzie orman money books, especially the one for women. my strong advice is not to marry him until he grows up about money. i will share with you that we paid for everything for my son. until this year he missed payments and spent everything he had. as he grew up and realized the power and value of money he began reading books about managing money and now is very interested in his credit rating cause he wants to buy a house someday. he now has savings. and does not ever miss a payment, this took us several years to teach him all this, but he thinks himself now that this is important. good. he is now 24. but my point is it took him this long to get it and to care like crazy about money. so now he is responsible. and all his friends are also saving like crazy. so if your guy is not there yet, i would insist on certain financially mature attitudes from him, or you will not be a wife you will be a mommy with a bad boy, and your life will be very hard.
2007-11-20 09:19:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, he may have to learn from his mistakes, but not at your expenses and not from your heart break, send him back to his mama,if she is smart she will soon kick him out, if not, you do not need a mamma's boy,and you cannot afford, nor need to be his mother. You sound like a very smart girl, so focus on getting that busyness going, for it to be a success you will have to sty focused, you cannot afford to be a mother to your boy friend, if you do that your business will suffer because you will not be able to give it your best shot
2007-11-20 09:18:03 · answer #7 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, he isn't grown up.
Or you can support him and be his new "mommy"
2007-11-20 09:09:56 · answer #8 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋