he shoots me down in flames whenever i speak but as soon as i say im going upstairs to watch tv he begs me to stay. . im a target and im p*ssed off with it
2007-11-20 08:23:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks . you are all saying what i already knew.
2007-11-20 08:34:34 · update #1
He sounds self centered. If he doesn't want to talk to you when you want to talk, then ask him when he will have time to talk to you. If he comes up with excuses for all his free time, then the answer will be obvious.
For your own happiness, you should try to get out more often and find things to do. If you want to talk to someone else on the phone, or you want to meet someone for tea or coffee to talk, and he has an issue with that, then again, you can reinforce, that he never wants to talk so you are finding ways to make yourself happy by talking to other people. If you go out, you can ask him along, so you are not shutting him out. Maybe, you need to start planning some dates for each other that would put you in a position to communicate, like going for a walk, or taking a chair lift ride, or a boat ride, where you can focus on each other.
If he doesn't realize at that point that communication is important, then it might be time to evaluate your relationship and decide if you are willing to sacrifice talking to be in a relationship. Will you be happy living with someone like that. By finding other people to connect with, he is going to miss having you around and see a problem of his own, and that is when you will be able to talk this out and try to come to compromise.
Don't get angry because that isn't going to get you any where. He may not be big on communication. Just keep in mind that every relationship needs some communication, but what he is willing to offer might not be enough for you. If he grew up in a family that was not big on talking, then he just might not be a big talker.
It's kinda like going out to restaurants, some restaurants offer certain items on their menu that are larger portions and some restaurants do not. You accept that this is the way they run their restaurants, but you decide whether you are content with the portions/menu, or you go some place else. We don't get mad at the restaurant for not changing their menu/portions because we want something they don't offer, we simply go some place else. You can ask them to give you bigger portions, but in the end, they decide whether they can or want to give it to you, and you can decide if you keep wanting to come back.
Remember, it is not your right to have someone talk to you, it is an expectation, and sometimes expectations cannot be met.
2007-11-20 09:09:25 · answer #1 · answered by Trevor McKinney 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the situation as soon as you can.
What is he doing that he wants you to stay for? Are there others present? Or is he just watching tv alone?
If others are there then you need to realize he is abusing you for the amusement of the friends. If you like it then stay, he will never stop.
2007-11-20 16:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by Cindy B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does no one believe in staying together forever anymore? Look you are going to have problems every marriage does No one ever said being married is easy or painless..... I think that you should try to talk to him if that doesn't work tell him that you guys need counselling and if he isn't willing you can't promise this marriage will work you need him and his support you need to be able to talk to him about anything and not have to worry about what he is going to attack you about. Good Luck I'll be praying for you friend God Bless You!
2007-11-21 00:30:31 · answer #3 · answered by LILBITOFKY 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he had a drink or is he feeling annoyed or guilty about anything, he is letting his frustrations out on you and it isnt fair, when he begs you to stay he is feeling guilty about what he has done, I would go and let him think about what he has said, he is the guilty one here, let him know you wont take his cr*p.
2007-11-20 16:32:34 · answer #4 · answered by LouLou 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about this: "Honey, if you want me to stay here, you need to extend enough courtesy to allow me to speak. If you do not want to hear what I have to say, then I will leave. You cannot keep me here and demand that I remain silent. That is an unhealthy relationship, and I do not want that for us."
2007-11-20 16:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Quit saying anything at all. Give him the silent treatment...he'll get the picture.
2007-11-20 16:26:51 · answer #6 · answered by just me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop speaking. Start walking. Find new boyfriend, husband or whatever he is to you. Even when a couple is having difficulties, nobody deserves to be treated that way.
With kind regards....Finn.
2007-11-20 16:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by Finn 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Silent treatment usually gets the point across.
2007-11-20 16:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like he is a very selfish person,he only seems to want you around at his convinience,Its time to issue an ultimatum to him,treat me with respect or i walk! and if he doesnt take your feelings of rejection seriously he doesnt love you
2007-11-20 17:04:34 · answer #9 · answered by KERRY G 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
then you need to file for divorce if you are that unhappy in this relationship . I mean it is staring you in the face . remove yourself from the sittuation . good luck and god bless.
2007-11-20 16:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋