We each have a daughter in idaho,when one calls wanting us to immediately get a plane ticket then changes her mind he is furious. saying he is not helping her anymore he's tired of it
(Guess who's daughter)but the other one will do the exact same thing and he defends her decission? Why do men do that? I am tired of both of them doing it. It stresses me out I drop everything to try and help them then it's for nothing. I don't know how to bring it up to him what a difference he makes in them, without making him mad
2007-11-20 07:23:28 · 13 answers · asked by cindyokie1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's hard for me to ignore them when they call crying. I still fall for their tears.
2007-11-20 07:30:08 · update #1
I don't help my daughter any more. She wants to come out she buys her own ticket. but I can't get him to do the same.
He has even moved his 20 year old son in without talking to me
2007-11-20 07:56:16 · update #2
Stop dropping everything for them......tell them that you are tired of being their sounding board and that they need to reslove the problem before they call you......
You aren't Mr & Mrs Fix It. You are Mom & Dad.
2007-11-20 07:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Grown daughters? Try having pre-school kids from each spouse. It's not easy and takes some getting used to. Here is what you do. When his daughter acts up. Assure him it's okay, and do everything you can to help her. When your daughter acts up, and so does he, bring to his attention your reaction to his daughter, say " I'm not trying to keep score but we are a family now. I see your daughter as mine and will do anything for her. I expect nothing less than that from myself and from you". It will take him some time and continue to be loving towards his daughter. He'll catch on.
2007-11-20 15:53:01 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both daughters need to learn to grow up and stop depending on mommy and daddy to bail them out everytime. As long as you keep helping them, you are encouraging them to continue this behavior pattern. If you want them to stop asking for help, you need to agree with your husband that you're not going to help them. Be clear in your understanding together. Then let your daughters know they will not be receiving help in the future. This will build trust between you and your husband. It will also help the girls to grow into more responsible adults.
2007-11-20 15:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No more helping them. Tell your husband that you both will stop helping both daughters, only do it when he's in a good mood. Don't tell him anything about him playing favorites. Just tell him you both will stop coddling the kids, that they are grown and can support themselves.
As long as you are going to still fall for their tears, then there's no point in A. you being mad at your husband, and B. Us telling you to tell your husband you aren't going to support the kids anymore.
Let me guess, you've said that over and over and still enable them.
2007-11-20 15:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
We can change no one- except ourselves.
Perhaps you should try to go to therapy by yourself, so you can deal with the feelings you have regarding this situation.
I'm not saying he's right or you are; what I mean is that it sounds like you are angry at him and this situation is like the tip of the iceberg.
Try finding out WHAT is really happening and see if you can do something about it, before it grows out of control.
Good luck!
2007-11-20 15:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are grown adults and they need to be buying their own tickets when they wanna come see you. Also he may fall for his daughter always because in his eyes she's "daddys little girl". He is gonna run to her when ever she needs him no matter what and as for his son...he should have talked to you first about it. Your always gonna feel bad about your daughters because no matter what your her mother and you'll always be there to help her.
2007-11-21 01:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by Little Sammy Sam 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are grown, you shouldn't be buying their plane tickets. They are both taking advantage of you and it's affecting your marriage. Stop giving them money and buying their plane tickets and the two of you will have nothing to argue about.
2007-11-20 15:27:58 · answer #7 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its because he will do anything for his own daughter over your daughter. I'm not trying to insult you but that's is how my daddy is towards his wife. My dad has 1 (that's me) my step mom has 2 girls (my step sisters). If you need more advice email me at keyla_brown123@yahoo.com
or
keyla_brown123@hotmail.com
2007-11-20 15:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Complicated 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband about it and show that he's being a hyprocrite. even give him the lock out treatment if you must. If he wants you to be happy, he'll change his ways.
2007-11-20 15:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by *Katie* 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
try doing the same as he is with your daughter next time and re buff his when she does it and see the fireworks blow!
then explain to him that this is how you feel too!
2007-11-20 15:28:28 · answer #10 · answered by ssff 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋