10 week old will SCREAM when put down...help?? Is this abuse?

Question

I have a 10 week old that when I put her down she will have herself worked into a screaming frenzy in less then 2 minutes. I am talking the cry that starts like a soft waaaaah, and flips to her turning red, scrunched up and screaming so hard nothing comes out. I have tried waiting even 5 minutes but cave, and pick her up. I try to soothe her by not picking up and it's not working!! I get NOTHING done. People are telling me to let her cry, but she is little! I feel like I am severely neglecting her to do a load of laundry and let her scream for 3 minutes. I think the sling made it worse, and now she "requires" me to hold her to be comfy. The minute I pick her up she quiets, and smiles. If I have let her cry for more then 2 minutes it does take a little longer for it to stop because she is so upset. I am scared if I let her scream as much and as hard as she does for longer then 2 minutes she will literally hurt her lungs! Is that possible? And yes, I am a 1st time mom =(

She does have a bouncy seat, which is the best option...though she will still cry...unless she is fast asleep when I put her in.
Her swing might as well be chinese torture...she hates it!

I know this sounds silly, but hearing her scream literally makes me sick...I get hot, I can feel my heart beating in my throat...it kills me. I feel so stupid.

Answer 1

I remember those days! I started by getting him used to laying next to me on the couch so I could sit and get a few things done like fold laundry or sort things. That way my boy was still touching me. Then after he was ok with that I would get up and do things in the room so he could see and talk to me or I would take him into the other room either on a blanket or in his chair. Slowly I started increasing the distance and time apart. Mind I started this at about 6 weeks but the idea is the same, ease into it and learn how to multitask while she is asleep LOL.

It does get better. Once she starts noticing things in the world beside you, you'll find things that get her attention and you can step out for a minute or two. For us it was the mobile and the FP Aquarium to begin with. At 10 weeks she is also old enough to lay under a play mat - get one with a mirror. That alone gave me 10-15 minutes several times a day. From there he started liking his activity gym and now he absolutely loves his exersaucer (He's 15 weeks old now) even though it's on it's lowest setting and doesn't bounce, the novelty of spinning hasn't worn off yet.

You just need to get her focused on other things and she is certainly old enough now. Good luck!

Answer 2

I wouldn't let her cry she is only 10 weeks old! She is not old enough to know she is manipulating you. I know it's hard! If you are putting in a load and she starts to cry it's okay to finish that. I just wouldn't let her continue to scream. I know it's heartbreaking when they break out into that cry where it seems like they can't breathe. She will get better it just takes time. I had the graco swing that went back and forth and man it was like I was traumatizing her and so I tried the swing that goes side to side and she loves it!!! It's the best thing ever! Does she have a pacifier? My little ones loves to lay on the pack and play changing part and suck her pacifier. I think she likes this because she can still see me. I know it's hard I can't even do my dishes with her. People will tell you that you are spoiling her but you aren't. Babies are babies and they are only little once. Good luck and congrats!

also by 10 weeks this isn't a learned behavior, you have not taught her this. If this was then no baby would ever cry at 10 weeks. She does this because this is how she communicates her needs. It is a need to be held and comforted. I'ma amazed at how many people think you are spoiling your baby. It's not abuse if you let her cry if you are doing something I just wouldn't leave her to cry on end or until she soothes herslef. She doesn't know how to at 10 weeks. You are also the mom so go with your gut feeling. even though youare a first time mom you still know your child better than any of us. :-)

Answer 3

This is normal. I would get a rocking chair. Rock her to sleep. Drive her around in a car. And do more holding.
But, call your pediatric an to let them know what is going on. Some babies cry because they are still catching up with digestive problems. IT CAN BE QUITE FRUSTRATING. Don't resort to shaking your baby or loosing your temper. Before you feel this way it IS best to not do anything but let her cry, then go back and hold her.
Babies can't be spoiled-their needs are YOU-warmth, food, and love. These are things that make us human beings-nurtured human beings. So your baby just wants these things from you. They can't talk, so they cry. REMEMBER-Your baby was in a very warm and automatic comfort zone in the uterus...all her needs were instantly fulfilled. It might take a while (a life time) to realize that it isn't that way any more.
You need to not be alone with a crying infant. If you could get some support that would be great...someone to share with some of the crying, your mother, sister.
I think the Amish have it made, because they have such family support. If there is a colicky baby they all chime in and help.

Answer 4

Some people will tell you it is wrong to let her cry but I was right along with you. My son did the same thing and eventually he was able to entertain himself. He is now 4 1/2 months old and loves to lay on the floor and play with toys, roll over, kick, etc. And no it won't hurt her lungs. Just think of it this way...she is increasing her lung capacity :) I would let him cry for 5 of so minutes then go pick him up to calm him down then lay him down again and repeat. I would ALWAYS give him a toy or lay him under his mobile and say "look here is your bear (or whatever it was) feel how soft it is" or something like that to try to get his attention off crying. That seemed to help the most. Pretty soon he became more interested in his toys than he was crying. Good luck I know it is hard to hear your little one scream but you have to be able to get things done.

Answer 5

Ok, what she's going through is called separation anxiety and it's normal, in fact it's a sign of a smart baby.

You and I know that if we leave the room, the TV, the table, even the baby will still be there. That's called Object Permanence. Your baby knows now that she's separate from you, but she thinks that when she can't see you, you no longer exist. It's hard on babies, they think you've gone forever.

However, don't worry, it's something they outgrow when their brain grasps the concept.

Talk to her when you leave the room, leave her for just a couple minutes at a time. Don't sneak out of the room, let her see you leaving. Keep using the sling. There's nothing wrong with the sling, especially if it helps you get stuff done--I use a sling all the time.
It's definitely OK to let her cry for a few minutes (I don't like to let mine cry for more than 5.) When you come back to her it shows that you'll always come back to her. If you can't take it, that's fine, just keep using the sling.

ETA:

I totally misread your question, I read 10 months, not weeks! IGNORE what I said about letting her cry and separation anxiety. She's 10 weeks? Respond! Use the sling when you can but don't let her cry!! It's normal, natural for you to be upset when you hear her cry, it's supposed to motivate you to figure out what she needs. Don't worry about spoiling her or letting her cry, listen to your heart and respond to her needs. Listen to Equuskia and "k" below, they have great answers.

Answer 6

Your baby is still very young, and its normal for that to happen. The right thing to do is to pick her up when she cries. That is how she communicates at this point. When you pick her up, you are building her confidence and trust in you as her parent. As she gets a little older, its okay if she cries a little and things are somewhat delayed (I'm not saying to do this on purpose). I have a six month old and he experiences the same thing, though not that extreme...you will have an opportunity to catch up on the house work later, and you may be able to get things done if you put her in a bouncy chair or a swing, but make sure she can see you...it might be more comfortable for her. A baby that young shouldn't be left to cry, she needs you.

PS- Your baby's cry is supposed to bother you. Other people may be able to ignore it or tell you to let her cry, but you're the one who is "wired" to nurture her. Do what feels right to you, and responding appropriately to your child will help you to be more confidant as a parent.

Answer 7

Babies fight and fuss the first few times you use a sling, keep using it and she'll get used to it.

If she's not wet, and she's not hungry and she's not in pain, she's crying because she thinks she cannot be okay without you. Every time you pick her up and she smiles and coos you're confirming to her that she's indeed right, and not safe unless you're holding her.

Put her down, but keep her in the room where you are. Where she can hear you and see you. Take her little bouncy chair everywhere you go, even the car seat carrier can work if you dont have a chair for her, and put her in it where ever you are.

Its normal for an infant to cry and turn red and hold their breath. Its how they express themselves and it will not hurt them at all. It might make her poop or throw up, but its not going to hurt her.

Little by little work her up to more and more time out of your arms.

Answer 8

Some babies are more needy than others. If you see that she likes being in the sling, then leave her there with you.

In other parts of the world, babies are almost never separated from their mother. Mothers carry their baby in a wrap or sling, and have done so throughout history. Remember that your baby spent 9 months cozy and being carried in the womb. Babywearing is simply an extension of the womb, and makes for a content and quiet baby. I have included links with information on the benefits of babywearing, and how it is NOT spoiling your child, but rather meeting their individual needs. I have also included links about the dangers of the "cry-it-out" method.

If YOUR baby is content in a sling, why leave her screaming in her crib because someone else does so with their baby? Do what makes your baby happy, and she will reward you with lots of love and confidence. :)

Answer 9

that my daughter. she was exactly the same way from the time she came out up until about 41/2 mo. then it just stopped she loved to be held and would scream if i put her down my mom said she cried like someone had light her on fire thats how bad it was. i just held her and yes i hardly got anything done and now she is 7mo. and loves to be on the floor as a matter of fact she doesnt just snuggle with me anymore as funny as it sounds i kinda miss the way it was even thogh i am happy the screaming has stopped. i dont think there is anything wrong with holding her i did it and my daughter is perfectly normal and right on track if not ahead in some of her milestones. just remember it will get better.

Answer 10

Yes, just let her cry. She will need to learn how to comfort herself. I know that she is still so little, and it's hard to see your child cry. But you need to get your stuff done, and she needs to learn, like I said before, how to comfort herself. Separate yourself, and go do a load of laundry, or wash the dishes. You need a couple of minutes by yourself as well, it's not good not ever letting yourself have any time by yourself. She will be ok, it's not abuse, and she will not die by crying. She will eventually learn that she will be ok by herself for a few minutes.