Basically things went horrible between us. I was married before her and really understand what i did wrong in that marriage and what my 1st wife did wrong. we were both at fault. second marriage my wife had so many trust and insecurity issues from childhood that she was a mess. Last fight before she left was horrible. she left and i didn't care at the time. lawyers involved. the whole 9 yards. now that its been 6 months i forgive her for what she's done. i know we can't be together but i need closure. I need to tell her that I'll always love her but we can't be together. everybody says not to do it but i do need some closure. i don't want to get back together with her but i want to do this. is it a bad idea? we haven't spoken in a long time and have said some nasty things about each other in legal documents. what do you think?
2007-11-20 01:25:03 · 17 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No matter how you think it will make her feel if you think that it will give you closure and help you to move on then by all means do it. If by chance you are doing it to try and get a reaction from her or get back together then use your best judgment and be honest with yourself and don't do it.
2007-11-20 03:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you mean about needing closure, but time in itself can be enough closure that some people need, and perhaps writting a letter will only open 'healing' scars instead of soothing them. It's understandable that you want to let her know that she'll always be a part of your life, but perhaps writting a letter will only give faulse hopes. You need to really look at it how you feel she would read what you want to write.... We all tend to look into things too much sometimes and if the letter has this effect on her it will be more of a mess now that what it was in the 1st place. Personally i would leave it for a while, let things settle. Time heals, but dont make its job harder for either you or your ex.
Good luck
2007-11-20 01:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went through something similar but, my husband left me. I sent him a brief e-mail explaining I didn't hate him and came to appreciate what he did. I did it for the same reason, I needed the closure. Could really care less what he thinks or how he was doing, I just needed to close that door and I felt communicating those things to him would help. It did, I felt better immediately. Every person is different tthough, good luck to you though in moving on.
2007-11-20 01:31:23 · answer #3 · answered by reneej 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to be really careful. What are your reasons for doing this? You say it's for closure, but what exactly does that mean? Is it so that you can unburden yourself of the guilt you feel? To make yourself feel better? Or to make her feel better?
You need to be very clear what it is you want from this. If you stir up a load of stuff that she might just be starting to heal from, you could be making things worse for her, especially if there is nothing more you want from this than for her to hear your feelings about the whole thing, despite it being over.
You can leave the past in the past, or you can dredge it up for the sake of your 'closure'. Just remember you might be hurting her all over again.
2007-11-20 01:30:51 · answer #4 · answered by helly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if it is going to make you feel better you should do it. And I think it may even help her in future relationships with her insecurity, and lack of self esteem. To know that it was not just her, but you are accepting responsibility for your behaviors as well. However, be ready for her response or lack of.... And keep in mind, you are doing this for you, and I think if you are doing it with a kind heart and good intentions... You should go for it... Sometimes really loving someone is knowing when to let go and move on. However, wishing them the best with life shows that you really do love her... You simply cannot be together. Good luck and God bless****
2007-11-20 02:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've seen this type of situation before on a TV show I was watching. A man needed closure, but was afraid to contact the woman. My advice? Write the letter. Pour your heart out, and get all your feelings out. But, DO NOT, DO NOT, send the letter. Sending the letter will only complicate things, and you don't need that, no one does. But writing the letter will help get all your feelings out and you will feel alot better.
2007-11-20 01:29:44 · answer #6 · answered by MayMay 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would write her the letter, to express myself on paper. Then I would call her and read it to her over the phone. Only because now that lawyers are involved, that letter could be used against you in the court of law. So let her know how you feel - verbally.
2007-11-20 01:33:44 · answer #7 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very fond of giving going away letters. But only if they are not mean. I just gave my ex one a few days ago. It was very well thought out, I wrote many drafts. Just make sure you say what you mean and be nice.
2007-11-20 01:29:18 · answer #8 · answered by K-Fresh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write the letter,BUT, DON'T SEND IT. It will only open old wounds. Let it go. You got your closure the day you divorced.
2007-11-20 01:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpville.
Population: You
2007-11-20 01:28:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋