Why do religious people always suggest marriage counseling?

Question

Like thats gonna make me love or like my husband? Besides to me marriage is just an ancient ritual thats mostly just a piece of paper that enslaves women to be a mans property.

Only reason I got married is cause my grandma said if i didn't she was gonna call my son a bastard. Its been 10 long miserable years.

Answer 1

Oh my I really wish I could rate people's answers as bad more than once! Seriously! OMG people get a clue.

Duh she married him because she was young and got pregnant and felt pressured by her family to get married to the father. And to all those that say well she shouldn't have married him just because of pressure. Well it is easy for you to say! You've never been in that situation. When you are young and pregnant and you family is telling you they will not help you! and that your child will be a bastard in their eyes. Then DUH! To make the people you love happy you marry him. No it isn't right. No she shouldn't have married him but that is easier said than done in hind sight! She can't go back and undo what she's done she has to decide what she wants NOW.

Marriage counselling from what I understand rarely works. There must be TWO people at the session that really want it to work for anything to happen. IF your husband wants it to work then you should try marriage counselling. Other than that it is a waste of time.

And yes marriage is just a piece of paper. A piece of paper designed in todays world to signify that two people are devoted to each other. At one point it was a paper to enslave a woman to a man but now a days that same sentiment does not hold true. Times have changed. That piece of paper now a days means two things...taxes and that you two have agreed to be together and faithful to each other till death do you part. It is a two way street. He is locked to you as you are locked to him.

If you don't want to be with him. Go get those papers and end it now.

Edited...Haaahaaa. Look at all those that don't like my opinion. Oh by the way I didn't think everyone's answer sucked, just the people who said "tough luck, you shouldn't have married him. blah..." Those are the only one's I rated.

Oh and I came back to read comments and I actually liked Squirrels comment until I got to the "Sandra R is hardly the expert she pretends to be, although she does make a few good points." Uhhh, I've NEVER said I was an expert. I have just stated my opinion. I have always thought that marriage counselling was something to do if your relationship was having trouble but when I was having a hard time and started looking into relationship counselling I kept running across book after book that spoke about marriage counselling and it's success rate. I'm still not convinced however I do understand the reasoning that many books give for marriage counselling not working. It can only work if BOTH parties are trying and want it to work. If I wasn't on Thanksgiving break I would get you the books from my bookshelf and their sources on the statistics that they were claiming.

Oh and I hate "soap operas".

And I thought it was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that she was pregnant and that was the reason she married him. If you don't read the question then why answer it people!?!?
The only reason I know she was pregnant and the child was not born is because of the very definition of the word bastard: the illegitimate offspring of unmarried parents. So if the child was already born then so marrying AFTER the child is born is too late. The child was already illegitimate! Can't go back and change that.

And who says I'm bitter? And how would you gather that decision? I said absolutely nothing in my response to be poisonous. Just because marriage counselling supposedly from my sources doesn't work you some how gathered that I am unhappy and in a bad marriage? I have in the past thought of marriage counselling but all the books that follow my own beliefs have referred to marriage counselling as rarely working.

See it seems to me that you have read more of her back ground than I have so you may have a different stance on the issue. However I only read THIS Message ONLY. And can only base my answer on this and not any of her previous Questions.

Oh and I'm sad to say I actually liked your (Squirrel) answer up until I saw you spouting nasty crap that you know nothing about. You seem to be a person that attacks without thought. You may wish to actually think about your answer before you spew falsehoods about others.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Marriage counseling today is big business. Marriage counselors get paid whether the marriage stays together or doesn't. Some marriage counselors have never married themselves yet are giving advice to everyone (for a fee, of course). In my view, much (not all) of marriage counseling is based upon a pass the buck to someone else strategy. Are there occasional reports (a few reports) of marriage counseling helping couples, that is, an idea or two helping them make a course correction? Yes. Are there also reports of marriage counseling not helping couples at all and simply wasting their time and money? Yes. Good luck.

Answer 4

That was your fault for caring more about your grandmother's opinion than your own. If you don't believe in it, and you are so miserable, why come on here for advice? You know what you want to do, so do it.


For the record, I have advised marriage counseling too. I'm not religious. I just think that once you have made a family ("accidental" or not), you owe it to that family to try to make it work. I don't care what anyone says, children are forever damaged in some way by divorce. My parents divorced when I was 8, so I know how it can hurt.

Answer 5

You don't sound like you WANT to save your marriage, therefore counseling probably won't work for you. You also sound as if you got married for the WRONG reason. I feel for your husband. In any event, religious people would suggest counseling because the Bible says that God doesn't like divorce. But some marriages aren't worth saving so that's totally up to you.

Answer 6

I'm guessing you wrote your question to get on a few people's nerves. But to answer your question.. not all people who suggest counseling are religious. I'm not religious, but I've been to counseling with my husband. If you love your spouse and have problems you can't solve together, then a counselor may help. But to comment on the other part of your question... a woman will only do what she lets herself do. Marriage is 50/50 and if someone lets themself be 'enslaved', then it's by their own choice.

Answer 7

Well, hon, we non-religious often recommend counseling too. However, you're so overwhelmed by your anger that marital counseling is the last thing I, as a professional, would recommend for you. That anger is poisoning your relationships with everyone around you, especially with your child. The counseling I'd recommend for you - and remember, I'm not religious - is anger management. Anger is sometimes quite appropriate, but yours is toxic - it's eating the life out of you. Your county office of mental health is the place to start; they'll help you find a counselor.

Answer 8

Then why did you get married in the first place? You agreed to the terms, you cant just take that back. And it can make you love your husband if you want it to. If you have fallen out of love or never were in love, marriage counselors can help you to fall back or just into love with each other. You really can't force love, but if both people are willing to try, you can stimulate it sometimes.
You've already signed over your life to someone right? Why not spend a few months working at making it better? If you can try for 6 months and have the rest of your life be happy, whats wrong with counseloing?

I'm curious why people just give up and run away at the first sign of trouble. Oh sheesh, he didnt like your cooking, get a divorce its terrible, you'll never get over it. Sounds pretty crazy to me.

Answer 9

First of all, that was not a good reason to marry just because your grandma was going to call your son a real bad name. You allowed your grandma to force you into marriage, never a good reason.

A marriage is not just a piece of paper that enslaves a woman as a mans property. Sorry you feel that way about your marriage. A marriage is a contract, a promise to be with each other forever in love. It is a contract that is documented for legal reasons. You are no ones property no matter what the neanderthal you married says. You are free enough to just pick up and leave him, taking the children with you. But you choose to stay because as you told me previously, you do not want to leave your stuff behind.

As to why religious people always suggest marriage counseling, it is because we religious people see marriage as important enough to try everything you can to save it before you break one up. I would at least suggest counseling for you first before you do anything. He should go to counseling too as he may change if he knows that his wife is this unhappy.

The benefit to you if you all go in for counseling is you can walk away with your head held high knowing you did everything you could to make the marriage work and it is not your fault. Plus you have ammunition to use with your kids if they ever give you a hard time as to why you left their father.

I really think you are gonna end up leaving him no mater what anyone else says to you. I just hope you do so for the right reasons and not just because you made a mistake or that you hate the man you married.

Now I have some questions that you might want to think about and ask yourself. I am not trying to be rude or insensitive. I am not trying to make you feel bad or upset you either.

I do not think he was this bad when you married him. If he was, you never would have married him even with that threat from your grandma. Why did he change? Did his changing into a bad man and bad husband have anything to do with you?

Good luck and God bless.

EDIT:
Sandra R is hardly the expert she pretends to be, although she does make a few good points.

Where in the world does she understand that marriage counseling rarely works? Must be the soap operas she fills her days with. But still, she is correct in that counseling will not work for the marriage as a rule, if both parties do not attend and desire to make the marriage work.

Not everyone could figure it out that she was pregnant with her child when her family forced her into marriage. But to be honest, Sandra, you are GUESSING she was pregnant then. It is entirely possible that Am already had her child when she got married. You do not know for sure unless you found out somewhere else through Am because Am was not clear in this question here.

Just because you are bitter from your (previous or current) relationship does not mean you should poison your answer with your garbage. Am's bad marriage is not the same as whatever crap you are spouting from your relationship, Sandra. Still, Am should leave her marriage. If I was her husband, I would not want to be with a woman who hated me and slept in a different room.

Answer 10

People suggest concealing to have an arbitrator help you both listen properly to each other, one person at a time.
To see if there is anything you can agree on and work towards goals that you have in common.
The number one problem in a relationship is communication and the tone of the person talking. We rarely listen to each other because we are to busy thinking of what WE have to say.
Also you are now half way up a mountain, it is wise to continue up instead of stopping or falling back down, only to start at the bottom again with a new relationship that will come with it's own problems different yet with the same result.