They have asked me and the kids to have Thanksgiving with them. Yes, their mother will be there with her boyfriend as well. She has not seen the kids in over 3 months, She has made some pretty bad choices since she hooked up with this guy. Because of those choices, I have full custody of the kids and she only gets supervised visits.
I do get along well with her side of the family. They do help me out a little. Sometimes, they will ask if they can have the kids over so they can spend time with the kids.
Could it just be me not wanting to see her? I don't want the kids around the boyfriend. He has been in jail several times for drug charges. Now, my ex-wife has also been arrested and found guilty of drug possession too.
I would love to go to her families home I have a good time around them and the kids do too. Should I just suck it up and go for the kids sake or do as my instints tell me "Don't go."
Tricky situation! Thanks for your help.
2007-11-19 23:43:57 · 18 answers · asked by Bones 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go but be prepared to leave if things go crazy. You will be there just supervise everything and don't let the kids out of your site for to long. I have read many of your post and i know what you go/gone through with her. Overall it sounds like a good idea
2007-11-19 23:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by Big Daddy R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's great that you still get along w/ your ex-ILs. Let me ask you this. Do the kids know about their's mother's drug problem? Are they old enough to understand? If they know about their mother, why don't you ask them how they feel about seeing her. Maybe they don't even want to see her. I would think they'd want to see their grandparents, though. I feel for you...wow, you really are in a tough position! I think I would only go if it weren't too far away & it was close enough to make a quick getaway. Make sure you talk to your ex-ILs & let them know if you leave early, it's not because of them, it's because you don't want the kids to be exposed to ugly behavior. On the other hand, is there anywhere else you can go? Why not save the drama, go to your family's house & have the kids visit the grandparents when mom isn't around w/ her crackhead bf?
2007-11-20 07:54:53 · answer #2 · answered by Katie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, this is a tricky one. The children need to spend time with their grandparents sometimes. Were it me, I would take them to spend Thanksgiving with them. This would also give them a chance to visit with their mother, since they probably won't see her for the rest of the holiday season. It will be a bit awkward for you, but you're only talking about a few hours and you can certainly get through it. Just be cordial to your ex and avoid any serious conversation with her. And don't worry about the boyfriend. This is a festive occasion and the family is not going to allow him to ruin it. It's also possible that your ex won't show up, once she hears that you and the children are coming. Find it in your heart to do this kindness for the children's sake. Your visit will also help to relieve the tension in the family. Best wishes for a happy holiday season!
2007-11-20 09:03:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids should have time with their grandparents, I'd go.. You already have custody..You can't hide the mother from them forever. She is to be pitied as she has ruined her life with poor decisions. Be a big man and stomach the event at least for dinner. Sometimes its moments in time like this that have the biggest impact on peoples lives. Don't entertain the lowlife boyfriend or let him get under your skin. Good Luck
2007-11-20 08:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by lenzix5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey
This is what i would do,,
Sit both of then down, and tell then, you don't mind the kids being there, BUT you need to make sure that you go by the rules........
1, NO drinking in front of then,
2, No hint of any drugs or any thing,
I sorta have the same problem just in a diff way...
My Ex drinks, way to much.. And i told him and he wanted to see the kids so bad that he went a long with what i wanted,,,,
i went the first time with them to make sure things was going to be OK.....
So yeah i think you just need to put your rules OUT there, You Go too, And make SURE they go by them........
2007-11-20 07:59:53 · answer #5 · answered by CINDY m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's your intuition. The guy has proven himself to be a criminal. He has proven himself a bad influence on your ex wife. I think you don't want him around your kids - they are kids and very vanuerable at this age.
Your just being protective and I think you should follow your gut. Sounds like this guy is a piece of work. I don't think your kids need to be exposed to all that drama. When your wife is in a better position you can let up on the visitiation. And, it's not like your depriving her family of their grandkids either if they are seeing them at other times.
Women's intution a common saying. But, women aren't the only one's who have that intution. The reason women get the namesake is because we act on it almost all the time. Don't ignore your gut! There's probably a good reason, and if you go and find out that reason you'll just be upset at yourself.
2007-11-20 10:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that if you can make this work it would be wonderful. Your ex-wife's family knows what she and her new guy are like and want your kids and you (presumably stable) to be there and bring some sanity. I commend them for being brave about this - do the right thing and go and be on your very best behavior. If she throws a fit then politely excuse yourself and wish everyone well.
2007-11-20 08:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go. Tell the ex in laws you would love to bring the kids around some other time. Your kids shouldn't be around their mom and her boyfriend if they are into drugs....who knows what they may be like on Thanksgiving....best to go with your instincts and stay away.
2007-11-20 07:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be best if you just stop by for dessert and visiting. that would prevent too much exposure to your ex's boyfriend. If he wasn't there, dinner would be okay.
Your kids are fortunate that they have a level headed father like you. Keep up the good work, it's not easy but very rewarding.
2007-11-20 08:02:31 · answer #9 · answered by Buzz B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would'nt subject my kids to that situation. Take the kids out to dinner, start new memories with them. Then maybe later on in the evening stop by so the kids can visit, without their loser mother being there.
2007-11-20 07:49:00 · answer #10 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋