She is nearly 18 they have been together 7 month's she said she is not stupid that nothing is going to happen,although 2 months ago I was shocked to find out it had been happening in my home,I have strongly advised her to go onto the pill and use condom's know it will happen whatever I say but she wants my say to go to stay there any suggestions?
2007-11-19 21:43:56 · 26 answers · asked by RAINBOW 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I would say no. She may nearly be (legally) an adult, however, she is still under your roof. If you do not want her to go, do not allow her to go, simple as that.
When she starts paying her own bills, then she can make her own grown up decisions (which it is stupid to spend the night when unmarried...what other reason could there possibly be, besides sex?). For now, I would tell her that you do not approve.
2007-11-19 23:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
Nice that she wants your blessing.
Does that include the option to say 'no' or will she not accept that?
Decide what you want and if she's going to stick to your word if you say 'no'.
If you come to the conclusion that either you agree, or 'no' is not really an option, get the two teenagers to sit down BEFORE this sleepover.
Talk to them, ask them very intrusive questions. Like:
- how can your daughter be sure the boy does not have HIV or another disease?
- Do they know what a condom is? If so, what's their source? If the source is unreliable (heard it in the street), get them to describe how it works.
- Is the boy willing to be a father? Will he take care of a child? How will he do that, what are his plans? Will he give up school and find a job?
If you find this embarrassing, just imagine how embarrassing they must be to them. This line of interrogation is designed to ensure that they rush out and buy protection immediately.
It'll show your daughter she can force you into giving her your blessing but it does not come without discomfort.
2007-11-20 01:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by mgerben 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should ask you daughter not to go, but be sure to give the reasons why you wish for her not to. Don't expect her to accept trivial reasons, if she accepts your reasons at all. Perhaps it's time to begin letting go of your daughter some. She is not a little girl anymore -- matter of fact, she is a young woman. In the end, if your daughter still wants to spend the night at her boyfriend's house, you should advise her of your disappointment in her decision, and let her go. There is no sense in fighting and arguing to the point of turning your relationship with your daughter inside out. This issue isn't worth it. Your daughter is a young woman, she's in love, you have informed her of the consequences of having unprotected sex, now let her make her mistakes. Who knows, perhaps being in love with this boy won't be one of them. Why not hope for the best? Yes, more than likely, it will be a mistake, but she will learn from it, and hopefully not in a real hard way.
2007-11-20 08:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by souldoctor 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok....im 18, and probably a little like your daughter.
You need to be very open and honest with your daughter. I was in a similar situation.....hadd been going out with my bf or around 7 months, and we slept together ater these 7 months.....however, at the time i didnt feel i could tell my mum, because she is quite religious, and so i knew she would go insane. This was such a shame.....and i would hate for this to happen between any other mother and daughter. You may not approve of what she is doing, but you are not going to stop her. It is better that you support her and make sure that whatever she is doing, she is safe.
About stopping over at her boyfriends.....do his parents know and what is their opinion? You also have to set clear ground rules that must not be broken.
I know everyone is different....but again in my situation....my Mum would not allow me to stop over at my boyfriends....or him to stop at my house. Whilst i was living uder their roof i respected their rules. Im now living at uni, and of course my mum recognises that my boyfriend will occasionally stop over whenhe comes to visit. And this is ok, because she recognises i now have to make my own choices. But your daughter is still living under your roof....so it should be your rules.
Also consider, if you say yes now....what is the next boundry to be pushed?
Consider the options for your individual circumstance.
But the most important thing is to maintain your relationship with your daughter. Keep communication channels open, so she knows she can come and talk to you. And support her decisions, as if you dont, this may push her away.
I hope this works out ok.
2007-11-19 22:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 2⤋
when i was 17--18 (we were together 2 years at that time) my parents used to let me stay at my bfs house...i have no idea why in the hell they would let me do that but they did we would 2 or 3 times since alot of nights his parents worked shifts no one was home and the nights my parents would let him stay over we would just wait til they went to bed and do it on the floor because the rule was he had to sleep on the floor and me on the bed (stupid rule)
we are now 21 and almost 20 been together almost 4 years and now live together so it worked out but still my parents were crazy i think....my teen won't stay til they are 18
get her on the pill asap and after she is 18 talk about staying at each others houses but not until...they are def having sex sorry to tell ya!
2007-11-20 02:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
She is no longer a child. Since she is already sexually active with him that will happen time and time again no matter if she stays overnight at his place or not. Good job advising her to use the pill/condoms, I hope she chooses wisely. As far as her staying over if she will do so despite what you say why is she even bothering to ask? Really no matter what if she spends the night or not they will have sex, it's just that they will fall asleep together. So really the sex will happen in any event, as far as where she sleeps what does that matter?
2007-11-19 23:57:27 · answer #6 · answered by MadMike 3 · 2⤊ 4⤋
How close to 18 is she? If she's only a few months like 2 months away then I figure why not. And yes they'll probably "hook up" that night. I've spent the night with my boyfriend, now fiancee, without my parents knowledge AFTER I turned 18 and it wasn't just all innocence always. Although some of it was. . .once my best friend even came too and we watched scary movies and ate ice cream and pizza. Good Luck.
2007-11-19 22:11:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 4⤋
go with her to the doctors for moral support in case she is shy to go by herself, and get her put on the pill and make sure she takes it every day. Also educate her about STD's and then she can stay over there.
It is out of your hands once you have educated her and it is her that is going to have to live with the consequences of her actions if she makes a wrong move.
Just make sure you're the one she can talk to if needs be and be her friend as well as her mother.
my parents didn't do any of this with me and i got pregnant - they didn't even know we were having sex. They still have no idea about that as i got rid of my baby but i was only 17 and it was the most scary experience of my life. I only wish that they had spoken to me about it and my mum had come with me to the doctors.
Just be there for her when things go right and when things go wrong and she will come to you when she needs help. She sounds responsible but no-one can tell what is going to happen behind closed doors.
2007-11-20 02:45:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm really sorry, they very likey have been haing sex for quite a while, she is just trying to ease you into the idea.
Tell her what you want and why, but then also tell her that it is her decision, but maybe give her a resource to get free birth control, that way she can get it without you "knowing"
That way if she is having sex(unfortunately) that it won't end in abortion of a poor baby.
2007-11-19 22:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Don't fall into that trap as she will come back to you "that it is your fault that I'm pregnant , you said I should go" Instead say, You are 18 and should be able to make good choices for yourself. You know how I feel, and things happen when you least expect. If this guy is the one you think you want to marry, I hope you are using birth control and behaving responsibly towards eachother. It is your decision.
2007-11-20 01:01:10 · answer #10 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I'm 18 and I stay at my boyfriend's house every Friday and Saturday night and have done since about 6 months into our relationship [we've been together 2 years]. My mum was funny about it at first but fine after I went on the pill. I don't know why your daughter wouldn't want to go on it, that's just silly. Condoms are a bother and unsafe sex isn't tolerable. If she can't talk to you openly about protection and safe sex then maybe she's not ready for sex at all. Please talk to her about it but stay calm and listen to what she has to say.
By the way, my boyfriend also sleeps at my house about once a week but we don't have sex if everyone is home because we get too nervous that my parents or siblings will walk in (I don't have a lock on my bedroom door but he has one on his) and feel it is disrespectful however we do sleep in the same bed.
2007-11-19 23:50:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 5⤋