How do conservative(low self esteem) wife cope with husband secretly going to strip clubs?

Question

Husband doesn't know that i know he's been going with his friends. I am not trying to offend strip club business and I think it's great for single guys. I just can't get over husband with wife willing to try different things in the bedroom still going out to strip clubs. Entertainments? I view it as re-enactment of bedroom foreplay with other people. So does that mean I can't turn on my husband anymore? He has to get turn on by other people and come home to have to me finish him off. It's too sad for me to think what I am to him. Room mate with a vagina...
I only have my intimate session with the man I vow to love and cherish forever. But i guess my husband think it's open to public. Only sex or penetration is exclusive to the marriage. Then is it cheating if wife have intimate sessions with other men, merely for entertainment? Maybe it's because he is my first boyfriend, first and only lover?

I did go with him to strip club once and I don't like it. We talked about it too. Conclusion was he'll never go and I'll work on my low self esteem. That issue jepordized our realationship to the point of me calling quits. That is why he went behind my back.

Another thing is his best friend who's very good at doing thing behind people's back. He would ask my husband to buy things for him so that his wife doesn't know about it. Then pay cash when he pick them up. Now I see the connection between him and his friends.

Answer 1

I find that behaviour intolerable and he is using you as a doormat,if he persists in this type of entertainment as he is spending money also,then maybe ask him where is the respect.?
I am really annoyed at guys who treat their wives with such contempt as this.
If your giving him sex at call then he is a very lucky man, even if not he should be still treating you far better than this..

Confront him he needs a reality check,as I'm sure if you wanted to go to similar haunts he would soon object LOL good luck ♥

Answer 2

Hi,
It must be really sad and disheartening for you. Athe same time I believe you can do a lot to save the situation. It depends on you now. I assume that you love your husband a lot and you are willing to work things out with him, of course it means you pardon him for his misdemeanours. If so, first of all dont think low of yourself. You are not a room mate for finishing things off. NO. You are his wife, life partner, the person to whom he comes home every night. You need more respect and care. And your womanhood also should be respected much more. Always when a negative feeling comes to your mind about yourself, tell in your mind that you are good. Having good self esteem is an important aid to start your fight back. (Even if you decide to go to a strip club to strip like someone suggested there, you need self esteem!) You are good. It is just that there are certain things you need to probably ensure in your daily routine to improve things. Now, you look at yourself and see whether you need to improve in anyway in physical attractiveness. There are many reasons by which men keep away from wives. Some are obvious things, some are not so. Once you are sure that the obvious things are all fine, look at what else could be troubling him. Do you and he communicate well, do you know all his problems, does he get a relaxed atmosphere at home when he comes or does het get troubled more because of so many issues.. It could also be because something else or someone else at home is troubling him, like if you are living with others... think all that... and if you feel you could make changes in any of those areas, do the changes. Then go to your private world with him, the time you spent at night with each other, Make sure he finds you more attractive or rather irresistable. You seem to be a perfect partner in bed based on what you said, but still there could be something that can be turned better. Having made sure all from your side is taken care of, you try to change his habits. Dont think of another man or such other things. You are a devoted person and you love your husband so much. Correction within this relation is the first thing to try for. All other things are easy and can be attempted later if you could not change him at all. And remember, dont force changes on him, make him make the changes. Make him feel to make the changes himself. Just go back to your old courtship days and remember how you won him over. I am sure you can do it. You are a loving and caring woman. And you are good.
All the best.

Answer 3

You're attempting to place your views of sex and marriage onto the male gender. You're discussing apples and oranges. Men are visual beings. If his viewing a female, with his friends in a strip club, equates to, "...bedroom foreplay with other people", to you, then you have a problem. Have you ever had a "girls night out" with you female friends -- and discussed the various men in the clubs, cafes, etc. or even a 'male review'? How's that different?
What happens in a strip club (male or female actors) could be foreplay for the home environment. Seems that you attach too much significance to the strip club and not enough to yourself.
Has he told you that he must visit a strip club before coming home to you? Or is that your perception of the situation?
There could be a big difference between what you think is going on in his mind and what he's really thinking.
Regardless, you have to communicate your views to him and attempt to get him to provide insight.

Answer 4

you have low self esteem because he gives you low self esteem, he makes you feel as if you are not enough for him, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you...! don't forget this! many women on here think it's ok for a man to get his sexual "appetite" from other places as long as he brings the appetite home to you =(... this is wrong! forsaking all others is the marital vow... no exceptions! what's worse, he is secretly going, knowing it would upset you if he told you... so that's lying to you... he obviously cares more about what his friends think of him than what you think of him, and that's wrong too... real friends won't try to interfere w/ a marraige...! you are correct on your view... especially if there are lap dances at these strip clubs... as far as men being visual... they have a neck to turn away from this crap... men don't need to see naked women... and that's the truth... women are touchy people...do you see us women getting touched everywhere by other people??? (us good women that is...) hmmm... your man needs an ultimatum... let him know you know about his whereabouts... and let him know if he goes to one of these again you will divorce him... it has nothing to do w/ you being "conservative", it has to do w/ being true to the marraige vow and each other! Good Luck, put a stop to this... !!! or you will end up having a bad example of a man for a father if you have kids...

Answer 5

Are you saying that you are unahppy, which I get, and are you saying that you do not like your husband doing what he is doing, but you are no better by going behind his back and having intimate sessions with other men, merely for entertainment, because he is your first boyfriend, first and only lover??

Honey, you are no better than he is if you are doing this.

You both need counseling or a divorce, and you say you are conservative, and you have "rules" for him to follow in the bedroom, but yet, outside of the bedroom, you both are living your sex lives like wild animals in the jungle!!!

Answer 6

Get yourself some therapy and work on self. Then you will become strong enough to make a decision... His behaviors have very little to do with you if anything at all. He is the one with the issue. Personally, I would leave him alone and move on. Life is too short to stick around with someone who hurts you and does not see a need to change... You make the change and move on... God bless****

Answer 7

yes you veiw it that way because your female
men are visual , you cant change a million years of evolution
accept men are not female, they dont like the same things as females and women dont like the same thing as men
you see it as foreplay with some one else, to him that is like saying buying shoes is like foreplay with someone else
as long as he doesnt touch and comes home t o you you dont have a problem
ask to go with him, might turn you on too and improve your love life

Answer 8

It's wrong and it always happens. Talk to him about it. Don't panic, well maybe if all else fails. Jerk-for-husbands are usually defensive against constructive criticism. If that doesn't work, do-it-yourself vasectomy!

Answer 9

try going to the strip club with him one time

Answer 10

become a stripper at the club he goes to