Married guys: is he seroius about leaving his wife for me?

Question

theres this guy basically hes my soul mate and he has told me that im his too. He says he loves me. we tlak and talk a long time. he has moved his bedroom into the basement and calls his wife's part of the houes "hell" ( example: I need a glass of water but i dont want to go into hell ). He said he wants to spend more time w/ me but she is "like a nazi" and spies on him etc.. he has no room to breathe. He has said that "we will see what happens" when i ask him if he wnats to be with me. hes concerned with the consequences of a divorce ( custody, financies, the house) ETC.. should i waste my time is he seroius? He says i understand him in a way his wife never does and he can " talk to me " but he cant talk to her or somethin.

Answer 1

its your presence that's causing him to feel as if he doesn't love his wife anymore. she probably isn't watching him its just his guilty conscience. he isn't really serious, u are just wasting time u could be seeking out someone who is free. and what he is now doing to her he will do to u, so don't be so arrogant to believe everything he says. he loved her once just as he loves u now. u could be in for a big surprise here.

Answer 2

You're in a very unstable situation. Unfortunately, what I'm hearing from you is what every "other woman" always says about the married man she's with.

Chances are -very- high that he's not serious. He may feel a bit serious about it when he talks to you, granted - emotions are one thing. When people are unsatisfied they often look for momentary pleasures elsewhere, and throw themselves into those things. But when it actually comes down to action and consequences, that's another story.

He married her because at one time he thought he loved her greatly and would spend the rest of his life with her. Even if he no longer feels that way, there is a history there, and there are many ties that are hard to break, including what you've mentioned - the custody battles, finances, possessions, etc.

Also, the fact that he has somehow made such bad emotional decisions in the past - he either really did marry the wrong woman, or he was so neglectful of his relationship that it fell apart - leads one to question how positive and successful and realistic a relationship with another woman could be. Even worse that he's cheating on his spouse with another woman on a part time basis, essentially dragging two people along in a mess. He doesn't make wise decisions.

These are just some cautionary thoughts to consider very carefully. Is it at all possible that he really really loves you, and you two would be happy together, and he will leave his wife? It -could- happen. But please don't bank anything on it. Married men are definitely not people to trust and rely upon. There are too many emotions and considerations there. He may be in a temporary rut, and using you as his solace for the moment. He may come around and realize he wants to salvage his marriage. He may be a serial cheater - and serial cheaters are very, very convincing liars.

Don't let love make you a fool to possible realities.

Answer 3

Here's how you find out if a man is serious about leaving his wife. You tell him, "Stop calling me until you move out of your house, get a divorce and get custody of the kids established. Then once you've done that, give me a call. MAYBE we can get together, once I'm convinced you're not going to turn around and dump ME when the next hot young thing comes along."

If he agrees to all of this enthusiastically at the time, and then magically doesn't call you again, you've got your answer.

I'm not condoning dating married guys (it's not "stealing a husband" because you can't steal a husband that doesn't want to be stolen) but I do acknowledge the reality that marriages fail. Although you have no evidence that anything he's told you about "the Nazi" being a horrible person is true.

So "we'll see what happens" doesn't bode well for your Prince Charming's intentions. As for the finances...if he can't afford to pay, he can't afford to play. Do you want someone who isn't willing to risk anything for you?

Answer 4

Probably not, and you shouldn't take him even if he is.
Realize that he could talk to his wife when he first married her and he should have been able to keep things alive but chose not to. It doesn't sound as if he is taking any responsibility toward the breakdown of his marriage so don't you accept that it was "all her fault." Thats the line of a cry baby.
He is acting the part of a cheater who is very likely going to break your heart next, and whatever hell he is in now, you don't want or need to share it. When he says "we will see what happens" he is really saying nothing is going to change here, but he is more than willing to take whatever you are willing to put out, for as long as you will let him.
The "Hell" lines are old and previously used and if his wife is spying on him it is only because he is giving her ample reason to.
Who else is he stringing along? How long before he cheats on you or is he already?
Remember that he will be willing to play that "soul mate" stuff so long as you believe him! Give him a star for acting, but a zero for being real.
Don't just walk away from this phoney, run!

Answer 5

If he is serious, he will be starting divorce proceedings.
If he is not serious, he will keep you on the end of a line just like he is doing now.

You may be "soul mates" but the chances are that when the chips are down, he won't choose you.

Sorry it sounds hard but I have seen the reality often enough.

And don't fall for that talk about the "nazi-wife".
A well known weatherman in Birmingham was known to be cheating on his wife but she was a dragon and thus it was justified. Until I got to know his wife a little - a most charming and friendly person. Her malice was rightly aimed - her husband was the cheat and the trouble.

Answer 6

Don't wait around on this guy to leave his wife. Lord, Sweety... Don't you know that no matter what he says he either has absolutely no intention of leaving his wife and even if he did he would get tired of you and find someone to replace you. Then you would be "the nazi" just like he considers his wife now. Who knows for sure if he is staying in the basement? He could be just tell you this to make you think that he isn't sharing a bed and making love to his WIFE! I am sorry...the excuses he is giving you about staying with her are so common. Aren't those the excuses that most all married men and women use when trying to explain to the other person why they are not ready to make the move towards divorce. Yeah, sure..those reasons sound very valid, but if he truly wanted to be with you then he would just suck it up and deal with the consequences. I mean come one...what is he going to do???? Keep you on the sly until his kids are grown up and the house is paid off and then leave his wife? This could be years. Sweety, love & respect yourself enough to have a strong man in your life that you do not have to share with anyone else. He says you understand him in a way his wife doesn't and he says all these negative things about her, but he married her so what does that tell you? She obviously understood him well enough at one point for him to stand up before God and make vows to her. Come on....drop him and find a man that is 100% yours and no one else's. I can say these things to you because I have been in the same exact situation and trust me when I tell you that nothing ever changes and don't believe what he says. This will only cause you heatache and TROUBLE! Find someone who is going to love ONLY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

you already wasted your time once you got with him
it's easy to complain about your other when your still with them
and to get some love from some one who dont know both side of the story.
maybe he has cheat with more than you
maybe she wanted him in the bastment
but if his wife got real sick or hurt or even found someone else you WILL be forgotten about put to the back burner.
you dont know what you have till it's gone you can say you wont react a certin way but untill it happen
so with that said. you just put your self in a spot
and you should watch out because if he's not careful you could be the one with a red dot on your head
its a known fact that the cheated go after the one the cheater is with even if you knew or didnt know he was married.

Answer 8

This man has "the script". "The script" is used by cheating men to justify their wandering ways.

Having established that you have pretty low morals (from the moment he admitted to being married and you continued with him), in his mind, you were up for "no strings attached sex" and quite clueless/naive.

Being "clever", he knows that the way to keep you dangling, until he gets bored, is to give you plausible reasons why he's cheating.

This is where "the script" takes over - he wants to leave but he can't (because of the kids, the dog, the mortgage, she's dying, whatever, etc.). The wife is, of course, a horrible person (she's a ******, violent, cruel, controlling, a nag, she doesn't understand him, etc). All his "justifications" are just hot air, but you buy it anyway. It helps you to excuse yourself from the reality of what you are actually doing.

This script will continue, until the day he gets bored, when, suddenly, out of the blue "she finds out" or "suspects". That will be another lie. Of course, then you get scared and run off, or he tells you, sorrowfully, that he's backing out, and he hotfoots it back to wifey, with her, hopefully, none the wiser.

So, the answer, is, no, he won't leave her for you. She's probably a really pleasant woman, and you have wronged her, just as much as he has.

Answer 9

They never leave there wives, He is telling you that your the most important thing to him etc yet I bet he tells his wife the same thing I also bet he hides you from his friends etc Why? because he knows the truth about you will get back to his wife and then hell will really brake lose.
Of course he is going to tell you its like living in hell why would he tell you that everything is Rosie at home but his just looking for some extra action.
I have been there currently pregnant to him only difference he was separated from his wife told me he will divorce her etc asked to have his child all the time he was playing the wife and myself got me pregnant and trying to get her pregnant.
Save yourself the heartache that will follow the wife will come after you and you will be the one with the stigma.
And he will just move on to his next pray.

Answer 10

If he was serious about leaving he would have especially if living in the house is such hell. Ask yourself these questions.
1. Do you know for sure he is living in the basement and not still sleeping with his wife?
2. If he loved you so much and was your soul mate would any thing else matter?
3. If sh is spying on him does she have a good reason to such as (He is seeing someone else)?
4. Do you really want to be the other women?
Last but not least when you ask him if he wants to be with you he says " We will see". Which means he is probably not that serious about you.
You need to move on and find some one who is worth your love, time and attention.

Good Luck I Hope It Works Out For You!

Kali :-)

Answer 11

It's not a question of whether he'll leave his wife for you, it's a question of whether he'll leave his wife to get out of what he considers hell. If his marriage is that bad, he should leave her and go out on his own, file for divorce and deal with the consequences. If he can take that step, he'll need a friend, which is what you are now, and once he's worked through whatever feelings he has during the divorce, he should be ready to have a real romantic relationship with you. If you think he's worth it, keep the friendship going, but keep it as a friendship until he's ready and able to commit to you. Right now, he's not.