I can't forgive my husband...?

Question

My husband had affair 2 yrs ago. Things stopped when I found out about it. Since then, he has been attentive and loving to me again. But I can't seem to erase the pain and memory of it. I just can't forgive him,. What can I do?

Answer 1

The reality of infidelity.
You never forget.
You must forgive.
The pain goes away in time.
The damage is done whether you stay or go so if you stay some benefit can be gained from the experience. If you leave you are left as a victim.
All of us deserve ONE second chance.
Your partner can end up more attentive and loving AFTER they realize what they have done.
If this happened two years ago and you are still dwelling on it, you have not found true forgiveness.That is something you need to do regardless of your staying or leaving. Even if you leave you will have to find it in yourself to let it go or you are destined to end up a bitter victim of life. That is not a good direction.

Answer 2

Men think that after an affair and they ask forgiveness it should be like a hard wind comes thru our mind's and heart and erases the memories of the past. They don't understand what it actually does to a woman who loves her man and have him cheat on her. They don't understand the pain, pain of losing the trust, violation, humiliation, shame, that being cheated on brings on us. You can try all you want and i think some of us really want to forgive and forget and go on with our marriage. But simple things can trigger a memory and bring it all flooding back, at that time we are dealing with it all over again. It's just as painful. I understand exactly where you are. All you can do it take it one day at a time. Try to not be bitter, if you let a root of bitterness grow up in your heart it will choke out all your other emotions. I'm telling you this for you..You will never have the same feelings for him, once trust has been shattered by cheating its gone. you can rebuild it but it wont be the same. If you want to stay with him you really do need to work on this and try to have as normal life as possible or file for divorce. anything in between is leaving you in limbo... Good luck hun.

Answer 3

You can forgive him, but there is a reason you are holding onto this and only you can find out why. You don't 'erase' the memory of it all; it is there a part of your past and his also. But you can stop dwelling on it and 'erase' th pain. Please go to the website below; it will help you much and show you there can be a beautiful and wonderful marriage, after the affair; but it is up to you to chose to make it so. He has done all he can to show his sorrow and remorse. Good luck; know you don't want to feel this way - get some info and tools and you'll be on your way to really healing from this experience

Answer 4

A lot of people will relate to how you feel, so you are not alone. It is very difficult to forget when someone has hurt you this much.

My fiance cheated on me during the first year of our relationship. That was 3 years ago, and the memories are still painful. The year after was a nightmare - we argued so much and there were many times when we felt like throwing in the towel and moving on. However, I could tell he was dreadfully remorseful for his mistake (or else why would he stay - I gave him so much sh*t!) and I wasn't prepared to give up without giving it another go. Neither was he.

I am very glad we stuck at it - we are now very happy together. Ironically our relationship is much stronger and open as a result of what happened. I always carry around inside what happened and what he did to me, but I made the choice to stick around, so I also now have to make the choice to move on and to forgive. It has been a long process, but we have got there.

You will probably never forget this, but you have to forgive - for your sake and his. Neither of you deserve to live in this trap and pain. Believe me, I understand the hurt, but you need to give yourself a chance at being happy again. That only comes through forgiveness.

Good luck. :-) X

Answer 5

I think you did a good job trying to forgive him . two years is a long time, long enough - but it is still there. and I am afraid it always be. There are things that are bad enough to hurt you even after someone genuinely sorry about what they did. You already said you cant forgive him - well, that is your answer, neither should you.
If you put a nail in the wall and take it out later, there is still going to be an ugly hole, even if you paint over it, usually you still can see. Same here - it would have been easier if he didnt cheat at all. Can you live with a scar like that?

Answer 6

Well think about this can you afford to be miserable the rest of your life?? You only life once. Hey he made that choice to have that affair and its not fair that you have to suffer for it. I think you should tell him how you feel and take a break. Thats what maybe you need to figure things out. I know i would leave but thats me cuz i couldnt sleep next to man that i know cheated on me and the only reason he is paying attention to you is cuz that ether he caint get another woman or he is sorry or trying to cover up another affair. You never know. I say take a break for yourself. You deserve it after what he has done to you hell you deserve better period there are lots of guys out ther and just go have fun with life specially if you dont have kids together

Answer 7

YOUR life will not go on until you either forgive him or leave him. .... You will never be able to erase the pain and memories but you have to decide which is more important.. your marriage or the fact that you can't forgive him...

As hard as it may be to accept, if you don't forgive him it will eat you up inside until you end up resenting him. Take heart in the fact that for 2 years he has been attentive and loving and move on with your marriage....cross the bridge and don't look back, don't mention it in quarrels, and pray that you forgive him.

Once you have forgiven him you will be able to enjoy not only your marriage, but your entire life, as a great boulder will be removed from your heart.

If all else fails, pray that you find a way to accept what happened and forgive his indescretion, as until you do, your life will be dwelling on a past event and not looking forward to your golden years together....that's something to think about with a serious heart and mind....Do you want to be looking back wishing that you were still with him?

Answer 8

i am in the same ship. This happened in2005 for me and I was pregnant. It still hurts like it was yesterday and although we forgave we don't forget and every chance we get we relive the nightmare. But you must remember that it is a choice you made and you accepted by staying with him. Mine had been seeing someone else lately, I found out last month not too much happened but they did kiss and this happened for 3 months. So as for me it did happen again dont let it happen to you. You still have a chance to trust and love again and if it continues to happen to you, you yourself will be the only person hurting you. I feel your pain and it really sucks but ask yourself what is really keeping u there because it is not the love no more, then ask yourself if it worth it.

Answer 9

Hun, you either forgive and move on or you don't. If you don't think you will ever truly forgive the guy, you are lying to yourself and to him. The best thing in that circumstance I think would be to move on.
If you think you can forgive him, you just have to try and respond to his attentions.
Perhaps some professional help would be the way to go in either case.
Remember, "for better of worse"

; )

Answer 10

You are angry because he never told the truth and the whole truth...Or rather u never aloud him to tell the truth...Now is after 2 years maybe is time to talk about it.. just ask him what made him do it, ask him what he liked about the other woman, ask him how many times he slept with him, make it look like u are just curious.. and after that you will feel at ease and if really he did not want to leave her he would not have held himself for two years, that man is serious about you just forgive and forget.