Military Marriage Over?

Question

Its been awhile since my last post. My question is my marriage I leave for iraq Jan 3rd for 1 year, my wife and I fight all the time about stupid crap, I cant stand the ways she talks,eats, bites her nails. I cant have sex with her anymore not interested. I cant afford divorce as of yet and all she wants to do is sit around the house no cleaning no talking only words I get from here is yelling or telling me to get her something. I lost my love for her. And the other part is I have found another girl she is on the fireteam with me she is also a EMT. We have been seeing eachother for about 1 month, I would like to be with her when I come home. My wife has her bf now and it doesnt bother me anymore its pointless to try right? Its stupid to get a apartment cause I leave so soon. What can I do to stop her from taking all I got when I do leave? Yes she knows about this other girl also.

Answer 1

JAG is a wonderful yet terrible entity. If you can prove she is cheating before she turns it around on you then you get everything. If not she does. However, I think both of you should just come to an agreement that neither of you want to be in the relationship anymore and take what you came into the relationship with. The things that you have purchased together over the years...give that to housing so others can use it.

Answer 2

First of all, don't listen to anyone who says the military will help you get a divorce. They won't. They can, however, draft and notorize a separation agreement. I'll break this down in some steps that could save your butt while you're away.

1. Get a separation agreement outlined to protect you from anything she can do while you're away.
2. Close all joint accounts and start your own account. Any account you have together is a way for her to stick you with a bill you don't want. I.E. Taking out a loan on the account.
3. Move her out of your military housing. A separation agreement means just that. Legally separated. And without your sponsorship, she should have to leave.
4. Put everything you possibly can, in your name, or cut them off completely. Anything you have with both your names on, you are still legally responsible for. So that $500 long distance phone charge is still your responsibility.
5. Contact a lawyer who specializes in military divorce proceedings. They can get a stay of proceeding based on the Service Member Civil Relief Act. What this means is that you cannot be summoned to court while serving in the military. Start the divorce proceeding. If it is an uncontested divorce, and she agrees to leave with her half of the property and not fight it, then you don't need to go to court.


Hope this helps. But remember, start at square one and see your legal aid. They can help you find a good, affordable attorney.

I forgot to add... There is no such thing as an "At Fault" divorce anymore. All divorces are no fault dissolutions of marriage, so infidelity is a hard battle and normally not grounds for anything other than saying goodbye.

Answer 3

I'm not military, but as I understand it there should be family support units available on base. If you are near deployment there should also be some kind of (social, counseling?) assistance available to you and your family. Talk with someone on base about where some legal advice may be available to you. You don't want to continue like this. You need to resolve this situation before you deploy. Emotionally you need to be able to focus on your job.That will be much easier to do if business at home is taken care of. I can pretty much guarantee you that if you leave while still married to a woman that doesn't love you/you don't love whatever possessions you leave behind will be gone. It's always unfortunate when a marriage ends, but it is more unfortunate when innocent people are dragged into the mess. If you have feelings for this woman, do her a favor. Resolve the situation with your wife so that you and she can go on. If you have children they will only become more confused because of the "friends" of mom and dad.

Answer 4

Make sure your CO knows that you are having marital problems. Do NOT leave a general POA. She will wipe you out clean. Sounds like the marriage is over. Maybe there would have been a chance if you were staying & BOTH of you wanted it to work. You guys already have your minds made up which is obvious since you both already have moved on despite the fact you are both still married. When I 1st read your description, it sounded like there is a lot of resentment going on. I hope you guys don't have kids. If you do, it would be best to be civil to each other & not bash each other. Good luck w/ your deployment. I'm sorry you will be leaving under these circumstances.

Answer 5

Quit fighting... don't waste your time and energy. You need to get the divorce. Your base should have some sort of legal aid department.

Start by cleaning out your bank account and reestablishing it in another bank and have your paycheck hitting that account... put your parents as beneficiaries "just in case".

Lease a small storage place to stow your stuff in and start moving your most important stuff there. She can't have anything that you owned prior to your wedding.

See if you can stay with the new girlfriend... even if it just means sleeping on her couch for the next couple of months. If not, you might be able to stay at the barracks (to save money), and there is always reasonably-priced extended-stay corporate housing... kind of like a motel/apartment with a kitchenette.

Answer 6

See a paralegal or get low income legal aid. Divorce now, separate and divide whatever property you have, sell it, put it in storage or with family or friends you trust. Its to late to try now that you both have significant others.

Answer 7

file papers for separation, and live in the barracks. until you deploy. you'll both be happier before you go to that hell hole. though you falling for someone in your team does make me very uneasy- as my husband is deployed with a couple of woman he works with as well.

but you should be most happy, face financial reality. you'll be glad you got out of that house

Answer 8

your marriage is over ..good luck....