What's wrong with us?

Question

I often feel so run down in my relationship. I keep asking my wife for help and she never listens.

I feel that I do almost everything in the relationship. I
- earn 80% of the income in a high stress high reward environment
- get the kids ready for school / daycare daily, and take them
- change all of the baby's diapers except for maybe 2-4 changes on the weekend
- do all the manly chores like taking out the trash, recycling and so on
- do my own laundry and ironing
- drive everyone everywhere

My wife
- lost our first house because she spends more than she earns - though the only family expense she pays is daycare
- does not drive, refuses to get a drivers licence because she doesn't like to drive in this "big" city
- is obsessed with television and spends 3-4 hours a night watching it
- does not have patience with our daughter and frequently shouts at her. We then get into big arguements about it because I feel for the poor girl who just wants her mom to play with

I've suggested counselling. She refuses to go.

Answer 1

Ahh the joys of discovering the opposite sex!!! She may be seeing things the exact opposite of how you are seeing things and may think that you are unattentive, thus why she spends hours in front of the t.v. and gets frustrated with your daughter. It sounds strange and you may not understand it; women's minds work totally different than men's! In my own experience, if things aren't right between my hubby and I or I feel like the majority of responsibility is on my shoulders I have a hard time functioning in other areas, like parenting. I get frustrated with the kids for no reason, I just want to sit and do nothing and then I realize that I need to be proactive and do something. That something usually involves broaching a difficult subject with my husband, just letting him know that i feel a little neglected or initiating intimacy (a 'date' out, a little alone time with just the two of us or sex). It is an ongoing learning process.
My advice to you would be to listen to your wife. Don't be judgemental and honestly share your feelings when she is done. She may just be lazy or something like that but I honestly think there is probably some barrier there that is causing her to act the way she does. Maybe you can kindly suggest that she see a doctor if you can't find a way to resolve things between the two of you. Her problems may stem from depression or some other medical condition.

I know I have given you a lot to think about but i hope it helps!

Answer 2

Gee buddy, I feel for you. I think maybe she needs a wake up call. Ever thought of packing her bags and putting them by the door? Sometimes it takes tough love to open the blind eyes. You need to book some time off of work and teach your wife some tough love. Cancel the cable! God! That tube has been the ruiation of the family. Now that you have time off work, that your wife knows nothing about, of course, refuse to get the kids ready for daycare. Take your time getting ready for work but, take a change of clothes to change into while you are out. O well... the kids are late. Gee... ain't that a shame. Never lose your cool. She's going to dig her heels in like a mule but, you have to be stronger. If she doesn't cook then, take your daughter out to a nice place where she would like to go. Leave the wife at home. If she is going to act like she isn't part of your family unit then, exclude her in everything. Deny her all that she covets. All the while you are planting the seeds of what you want. What you expect of her as a wife and as a mother. She will get her licence because you said so. Tough love. It's really hard and should not be attempted by a wimp. No one ever said life or marriage was going to be a piece of cake. You can't keep on like this buddy. She is creating a nest from hell. Time to clean out last years twigs and leaves. Good luck with that. If it works??? Let me know. Hey, I'm a 51 yr. old woman. I don't get women like your wife. I hold down a full time job AND drive AND take care of a very large 2 story home. So.... the ball has been in your court for a long time now. You gave her an inch and now she is taking every mile she can. You created the monster by letting her get away with it for so long. Now the monster might just bite back so, be careful, be strong and always be in control.

Good luck

Answer 3

She is not a wife. She is not a partner. She is a selfish pig, and a liability.

Lose her. I hope you can find better.

If you don't just dump the cow, then seriously she needs counselling. And also, just stop doing things for her. She wants you to drive her somewhere? Hand her the bus schedule. Baby needs a change? Take the baby, GIVE it to her, say 'Honey someone needs a change' and walk away, don't even give her a chance to say no. Get to the tv before her, tell her YOU would like to watch tv for a change. Stop taking out the trash, tell her you are too tired. Set up a joint bank account and make her put her money into it, the kind where she can't withdraw unless you sign for it, that will curb her spending.

Maybe if she sees how selfish she is being, she will cut it out. I seriously would not put up with that in a relationship if I were you, it is supposed to be about PARTNERSHIP, that is why your spouse is called your partner! She obviously does not give a f*ck about being your partner or doing her share, she just wants you to look after everything for her so she can laze around doing nothing.

The reason she does this is because you let her get away with it for too long. STOP DOING THINGS FOR HER.

Answer 4

Try getting her into counseling... a good counselor is a referee that provides a means for both of you to express, then helps you two to find common ground.

If she is working full-time, and the majority of her paycheck is going to child-care... then that is it... at least she is bringing in something.
Do a little number crunching... If she stayed at home to tend to the kids, you would save the daycare money, and she could handle the kids and get them ready for school, but she would probably spend the whole day in front of the tube.
It sounds like you need to cut the cable TV service and address her addiction.

Everyone should be able to do their own laundry and pick up after themselves. Everyone should be able to pitch in with the kids. There is a balancing point, though.

What I did when I hit the wall in my own marriage... I told him that I wanted a divorce... we stayed together after we went though marriage counseling and he straightened up.

Answer 5

i like your spirit. i do no longer meet extremely some women human beings such as you. you're making a sturdy factor, women human beings tend to hate all men because of the fact in some unspecified time interior the destiny in existence men disenchanted them, yet that discomfort is partly led to through their judgements. as an occasion, permit's say which you meet a calm, slightly timid, difficult working guy, who likes you yet does not might desire to make screw his opportunities with women human beings, nicely the girls human beings basically ignores and avoids that guy because of the fact she judges his to harsh, yet that guy is easily what women human beings want, he's dependable, difficult working, calm. So then why does not she like him? the 2d concern is that ladies human beings tend to be feminists because of the fact they hate men because of the fact they act like they do. yet has anybody asked if the guy ever had a call. the course men could make is plenty extra durable then the only women human beings make, and that they pay their depths difficult. yet maximum feminist women human beings tend to think of "considering the fact that he's a guy he could have each and everything". that faulty, the guy had to bypass via Heaven and H**l to get there as much as anybody. And ultimately all of us are an identical race, and we are equals yet diverse. No guy or female in the international think of an identical, women human beings have their psychology, men have their psychology. And we could continually use this to our benefit. I easily have discovered that men and females human beings finished one yet another, the determination, logic, and braveness of a guy and the compassion, be responsive to-how, and help of a female, makes us a appropriate, and mutually we can get via any impediment.

Answer 6

I don't really know what to say, I understand how you feel coz I'm in a similar situation, giving all I got and getting nothing in return. Seems she's not gonna change, so it's you who will make a decision, take her as she is or split up for good: I know it may sound way too drastic but trust me, if u stay in a relationship like this you'll end up hurt, angry, frustrated and think about your kids, do you really want them to be with a person you can only complain about?

Answer 7

Ok you feel run down becasue you are. You need someone to intervene in this- a counselor or a pastor. She needs to learn how adults handel money and that she can't be a child anymore.

Answer 8

Seems she may have a depression problem that may be post partpartum blues that is carrying on long after the birth of the child... need to get her to the doctors and see whats going on...

Answer 9

Be the head of your house and put your foot down. When people see failure in the home they don't focus on the wife they look at the man. Someone has to set rules and guidelines for a household to function. She needs to be shown how her attitude has effected the home financially and emotionally.

Answer 10

Has your wife been checked out for depression?. She sounds like she could be suffering from it and having a hard time with life itself. She may want to listen, but may not be able to..

Get her to go to a doctor and get checked out.