Have you ever told someone off? Did you regret it later?

Question

I had this 'friend' who wasn't really a friend, more of an emotionally abusive albatross, I knew her from jr high/high school, we lost touch and ran into eachother years later and rekindled our friendship, sort of. I had bad experiences with her in high school, and so I was reserved when we started being friends again, but was okay with it because it had been a long time, and people can change...
Or not! She started in on her making fun of me, passive agressive jabs at me, poking fun at my then boyfriend, other friends, occupation, field of study, etc. I bit my lip, then one day after an especially bad time with her I let it all out, told her how I felt about her behavior, about everything. I have never done that before, it was like all of my resentment toward her, even back from high school, came out. At first I was really glad, it felt really good, but now I regret it. I certainly don't want to be friends, but I wish I had not blown up. Anyone else? Should I feel bad?

Thanks for your responses. They are very helpful and interesting to read. I think I tolerated her so long because I felt bad for her - growing up her family was weird and I tolerated her edgy behavior because I thought she needed a friend. When we met up again years later, she seemed different, but it turned out she was just being fake, the girl I remembered from high school came back after awhile. I don't regret dumping her as a friend, I don't even regret telling her, to an extent, how I felt about her treatment of me, but I do regret waiting so long to say something and the manner in which I did it. It's been awhile since I told her off, so I think getting a hold of her at this point is probably out of the question, but I do regret it. I've never done that before, so I feel really stupid about it.

Answer 1

No, You expressed your long held objections to this persons constant digs and smart remarks. You were free to tell her off because this poking at you and your friends was becoming so irritating that you showed restraint in putting up with this until it became so objectionable you had to speak out and let your Friend know how much she was abusing all those she made remarks about. Your probably feeling regret as you don't do this often , but you were within your rights to strongly object. I think you did what was necessary. so don't give this a second thought, she got what she had coming to her.

Answer 2

You probably feel "bad" because that was so out of character for you. After things have cooled off - send an e-mail or better yet and actual "snail mail" letter or card stating just what you said here - that you are sorry and much of that was pent up over time. Tell her you regret HOW you said what you said - not necessarily WHAT you said. Tell her exactly how you feel and then end it by saying that although you do not feel staying in close contact would be in your best interest you do wish her the best of luck and wouldn't mind exchanging occasional e-mail (holiday greetings - whatever you decide). If you don't want any contact then tell her that too.
I admire your courage and strength of character to admit that you made a mistake in the way you acted. This is a tough situation - but handle it with grace and take it as a great learning experience. Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

I don't think you should feel to badly about this. She apparently had not changed at all. I am sure it did not do much good but perhaps throughout her life, as other people express these same criticisms to her, she may reflect on it and she could change her behavior for the better.

I have told someone off and then felt a bit bad about it but I believe I felt guilty because I waited so long. I guess I felt it was unfair of me to put up with someone's "crap" for a long time and then lose it all at once.

Some people we are better off without, so don't feel badly, just be happy you are rid of this "friend."

Answer 4

Unfortunately, I can somewhat relate to your story except I really thought the girl was my friend well she was not my friend at first but she became my friend over time...If you really feel bad for telling her off maybe you should be the bigger person and apologize for the way you acted. Even if you are right in what you are saying, the WAY in which it was said probably really hurt that so-called friend's feelings! Personally, I felt good for telling off the girl but I did kind of feel bad that she held a grudge against me for years because of that incident.

If you and this girl have mutual friends(like I did), please try to mend things for the sake of respect. So she is a witch with a capital B, mend things and move on. You have NO obligation to be this girl's friend if she is going to be disrespectful towards you. If you really feel bad it means your conscious is telling you to let her know "yeah I meant what I said, but not in the way it was said!" But do not give the girl any more chances to be disrespectful or belittling towards you. Real friends show RESPECT to one another! Also, you should treat others the way you want to be treated...sometimes that is easier said than done as we ALL know! lol...stay away from the girl at all costs if she is bringing you down to her immature level

Answer 5

although it wouldnt have been such a blowup if you had said something all the other times this person was being an ***, there wasnt anything wrong with snapping. a person should know when theyre being out of line and hurtful. try not to hold stuff in for a long time... thats probably the only reason the guilt took over, becuase it was too much at once.

give 'em hell!
it feels great, as long as you mean what you say and its reasonable :P

Answer 6

Absolutely don't feel bad - you deserve to be treated better than that by a friend. And more importantly, you deserve to be honest about how you feel in order to move forward. I think most people have been in your situation where they "call someone out" (which might be out of your normal character) and then feel bad about it. Which is more important to you - how you'll "look" in this situation? Or the fact that you stood up for yourself? In my opinion, that regret will eventually pass, but for now, enjoy the fact that you were true to yourself and didn't give in and let her walk all over you again. Best of luck and don't stress about it - you did the right thing!

Answer 7

Yeah, i've got regretted it by using fact now i don't understand if he might have been the only for me. you think of roughly it randomly on some days and you do not different days. rather after a foul break up.. you will think of "He might have taken care of me much greater constructive than him :'/ Why did I not tell him how i think.." you may attempt to do away with it out of your innovations, whether it's going to continually hang-out you. Even little issues can remind you of him. All you may wish for is to advance previous and have alzehimers so which you forget approximately him. My advice is to attend after the play is over so if he rejects you/shows disinterest it won't make the play awkward.

Answer 8

Your instincts have given you the answer which is correct. It is never late to apologize and I am sure you have learned something from that but since you have regretted what you have done is ideally good. Next time be more tolerant and polite when you handle this type of situation. By blowing up you only blew yourself. Learn by mistakes.

Answer 9

NO you should not feel bad or have any regrets about dumping this so-called friend. First of all you have doubts about her ever being a friend. She sure isn't one now.
Sometimes just it's good to have things out in the open.
You did try, which is something she's never done.
It sounds like you're a good friend to have.

Answer 10

Don't feel bad about it. She made you feel bad about yourself and gave you a hard time. You simply told her how you feel.

I've blown up at people before, and I have never regretted it. I tend to keep things inside, so when I do let it out, it's usually for a really good reason, and it sounds like you had one.