he gets upset when i try to talk to him about how he is flirting with other women, he tells me as long as i'm not sleeping with anyone you have nothing to worry about, he starts blaming me that i have mental problems, and i need to get some help? we argue a lot and he tries to get out of the situation and starts telling me that i have anger issues, and seek some help. don't know how to stop him and not think all the time what is he doing right now? who is he talking to right now?i cant live like this. divorce is not an option.
2007-11-19 16:33:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of men think this way. Does not mean this is the way life really is. He is damaging your marriage. The only way my husband could shake his habbit was turning to the Lord. He was not strong on his own and he had to educate himself on how to be a proper husband and what it means to be a man. Seriously what "male" rolemodels do men have nowdays? It's no wonder all our men today are not sex adicts.
My husband read a wonderful book called Everymans Battle. It's a great book to teach men how to bounce their eye.
This worked for my husband and he was worst than your husband.
2007-11-19 16:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Journey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your marriage is pretty awful. If you can't live like that and divorce isn't an option -- well, maybe you DO need some help. It certainly can't hurt to talk to someone.
The thing you need to KNOW, the thing you need to ACCEPT is -- YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with the way he behaves, he has no desire to change and he obviously doesn't care what you think or want.
So you need to either find a way to live with him -- or leave him.
You might attempt to lighten up the mood in your house by changing YOUR behaviors. Instead of nagging and jumping on him for everything he does (even if he deserves it), try being nice. Try complimenting him. Start with SMALL things -- he will get suspicious if you change TOO much. Do nice little things for him around the house. If you have time, make sure the house is as clean and attractive and peaceful as you can. Do nice things for him and eventually MAYBE he will start doing nice things for you. Maybe. But don't expect much and don't expect it soon -- it might take MONTHS.
But you'd be better off getting your life or finances in shape so that you CAN leave him.
Good luck.
2007-11-19 16:45:26 · answer #2 · answered by luvrats 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nonsense. Why isn't divorce an option? If you are saying that because you want financial security and not to have to get up off your butt and go out to work, think again.
He sounds as though he is following the old adage "The best defense is a strong offense." When you begin "talking to him" he gets defensive and tries to throw it back on you and make it your fault.
The reason you get so upset is because he treats you and your opinions, and how you feel, with contempt. Is that what you consider love? That's not even respect! And there can be no love where there is no respect.
Stop yakking about it. He knows full well how you feel about it. He also knows that you are just blowing out hot air and will do nothing about it. That's why he's so sure of himself. You'd better stop worrying about him and what he is doing and start concentrating on yourself and your own situation. What if he were to walk out? What if he already has another woman on the side? Grow up. You have two choices: either continue to tolerate the abuse (and he's just going to keep on since there is no incentive for him to change) or end it! It's YOUR CHOICE. This misbehavior of his WILL escalate. There is no question about that because he's just going to keep on and keep on. Why shouldn't he? YOU won't do anything about because he knows you have no self-respect. Why should he respect you if YOU don't even respect you! So stop nagging and either do something about it, or shut up and tolerate it. After all, that's what you've been doing all along, right? By the way, has it occurred to you that he could be bringing home all kinds of diseases, some of them fatal such as HIV? You'd better go get yourself tested for STDs.
You also sound as though you have made him your whole focus. Get a life of your own. Develop your own interests and get so busy that HE becomes the one wondering where you are and what YOU are doing! Stop expecting someone else to make you happy - or any relationship you have will end up just like this one.
Here, read this link. It's a 1966 Good Housekeeping article and if your thinking is anything like this, you know you have a LOT of changes to do to become an adult, powerful woman - one worthy of respect.
http://www.centralcofc.com/2006GenderATC/An%20actual%201955%20Good%20Housekeeping%20.pdf
2007-11-19 17:07:48 · answer #3 · answered by D 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he sounds manipulative. turning the talk into YOU need help.
I would just tell him that it shows no respect for you
and really makes him look like an idiot. I have always
thought men who are obviously with the wife and try to
flirt with me are JERKS and I pity the wife.
You will get however what you put up with and since you
say Divorce is no option then he feels safe doing what he
wants knowing you will stay.
good luck
and I never thought I would be divorcing after 12yrs of marriage yet he got abusive and that was it...getting a divorce and it is better than living with an abuser
2007-11-19 17:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by WiseGal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its better both of you contact a psychiatrist. Divorce is not the answer for this,stop even thinking about it.If you two have children making him understand the value of being an advisable father.Best of luck.
2007-11-19 16:43:13 · answer #5 · answered by Harsh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, some guys are like this, they are saying you are crazy and eventually you'll probably start believing it. maybe the best thing is to really lay back and let him do what he's going to do, as hard as this sounds. but don't let him make you feel guilty because then that's when guys will try to take advantage of you. Don't argue back with him, just kick back. if you stay quiet he'll eventually feel bad because he has nothing to fight with. if you say something you will add fuel to the fire....my boyfriend does this quiet thing with me and he really does seem like the better person
2007-11-19 16:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by ang a 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to act the same way as he is ( but only to make your point clear not to break your relation), if he reacts you the same way as you do to him when he flirts then explain him your point, there are some times when you have to explain someone with the same medicines that he/she is giving you. Dont let whatever he accusses you get into your head, actually he is the one who needs counselling.
2007-11-19 16:59:24 · answer #7 · answered by JB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to be in counsleing with the same therapist int eh same session. You may be exagerating, but if you have a problem he needs to adress it other than blaming you.
2007-11-19 17:13:08 · answer #8 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to not talk about how he talks to others.
start showing him you are in love with him
you make it so he wants to spend time and energy with you.
show him he is the man of your dreams
make him forget there are girls in the world other than you.
put everything you have into making him a king
and be his queen.
2007-11-19 16:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by mkst 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many of these stories do we hear...and the last sentence is always "Divorce is not an option."
If divorce is not an option then I guess you're in for more of the same. duh!
2007-11-20 00:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by Elt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋