Do the holidays get you thinking deeper?

Question

My family - pretty commercial. We give gifts, eat dinner, go home. There is no sitting around for hours enjoying each other & playing cards, there are no gifts from the heart - mainly a bunch of gift cards flying around.

If I were to give something philanthropic like a donation to feed the hungry in their name - they'd look at me like I was crazy.

If I suggested we do something more - they'd tell me that 2 hrs was enough & they wanted to sleep.

So this holiday has me thinking deeper. Should I stay here in our home town (big suburban city), or should we move to a smaller close knit community? Should we give the gift cards bc that's what people want or should we THINK about the gift & give one of meaning (material or non-material)? I have been questioning my family and the way things are done and how I want my kids to "get" Christmas.

Just wondering if the holidays have others questioning things as well?

Answer 1

If you're just swapping gift cards because "it's the thing to do," then by all means change the tone. The season is about sharing, but it's also about sharing family time and stories.
I don't question the holiday per se, but I do think more about why I buy gifts and only the true people in my life get a token of my appreciation. I never give a gift "just to give something."

Answer 2

I think that it is very important to find the real meanings of holidays. Usually when people think of thanksgiving, they think of a turkey and mashed potatoes. Do people really think of giving thanks to God for all of the wonderful blessings we have? Some do, but I don't think that is the case for a lot of people. Instead of moving to a closer knit community, maybe it would be a little better to try and get your community closer together. Have bible studies, pot luck dinners, block partys. Maybe invite neighbors over for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and have a small talk or toast reminding everyone of what it's all about. With your kids, I think that if you keep the 'true meanings' in mind, they will be more likely to do the same. Remind them at random times throughout the day whenever an opportunity arises. With your family, just tell them some of the things you are posting on here. Tell them that youdon't feel a good family relationship and suggest maybe going somewhere. Christmas caroling, if it's after thanksgiving you can go pick out christmas trees at a farm somewhere nearby, go to a museum or just get out the boardgames. There are lots of things you can do to make a difference. Good luck!! Blessings

Answer 3

Yes. As the years pass, I find I'm questioning the way my family does Christmas, as well. I'm struggling with the same questions you are. I decided to take a stand, even if I'm the only one. I try to give gifts of meaning...and if you do it long enough, maybe it will rub off and others will start as well. I try to remind others how fortunate we are to have what we have and that there are others who do not have anything. Last year, I gave Product (Red) shirts from Gap to everyone, because half the profits go to charity - it seemed to be a balance between commercial and philanthropic - the best I could do to make people happy and make them think at the same time...I will do something similiar this year.

Answer 4

Too much emphasis has been put on what gifts everyone is getting and giving and none of the family values are around any more.Because no one can take real holidays any more as there's always the Boxing Day sales and stuff ..everyone seems to only have time for one day if that.It's too bad because that's why the world's so screwed up any more.I would start what ever traditions you want with you're children and if your family's too "busy" or they want to sleep or don't want to help others by giving to charity then they'll have to do without you for the holidays instead of the other way around.

Answer 5

I question everything during the holidays.

This year, I am looking at a case of the blues. Hubby and I are apart. Only 4 hours away because I'm in school. It's just an amtrak ride away, but still we're not together doing all of the planning. i suppose I should be happy I don't have to cook! Don't tell him I said this or he'd never get over it. We've only been married 22 years.

Answer 6

No more than any other day of the year....if you want to be deeper and do something more with yourself/ your family, donate your time....money is helpful, but time is so much more rewarding for both the family in need and your own family. I stopped giving presents years ago b/c no one needs anything and Christmas shouldn't be a reason to celebrate selfishness and impulsive shopping habits....further, if anyone needed something I would get if for them year round...but if they want something they will know far better than I what that something is.......go work at a soup kitchen; help the homeless feel cheery, do something as a family...play a board game.....if the season is all about presents, what's the point? good luck!!
www.freerice.com

Answer 7

I feel that Christmas is far to commercialized and my kids had a list that was outrageous. One year, I went to the dollar store, bought 4 Santa hats, phoned the seniors home and arranged a day for us to come and visit the seniors. I didn't tell the kids where we were going until we got there. I made up candy canes with little cards on each of them saying Merry Christmas. We went room to room handing out candy canes, listening to their stories, surviving the "cheek-pinching"lol, and wishing them all a merry christmas. That was by far the best day. The smiles we got were amazing. When we were getting ready to leave, one lady's children asked who we were there to see and we said "Everyone!" My kids got to see a different side of Christmas that year. One small kind gesture to another means more than how many gifts you get. Every year, I remind them of how their kindness made some else's Christmas a little brighter.

Answer 8

Presents with my family last about an hour.
They are mostly joke gifts..about something that happened years ago that we still remember. An hour is not a long time for one of our holiday parties..we usually get there around five and leave at one or two in the morning.

WE HAVE GREAT PARTIES!

I suggest you have XMAS with your kids the way we have it. Fun.

Answer 9

just give them a donation to feed the hungry and let them look at you like you are crazy. after a few years they will get used to it. you have to do what you think is right instead of worrying about how they will look at you. moving away won't solve the relationship with your family. and small towns aren't necessarily any better. you have to create the experience you want for your family and kids. you can opt out of things. you can call and say "i'm doing charity gifts this year" so they know in advance and can get used to it or yell at you or whatever they want to do. whatever you do, don't criticize their way or try to make them change. just choose your own way and honor theirs.

Answer 10

Christmas does get me thinking...Not only about like doing more for others..but about the past and how my family has changed since i was a kid...I still love christmas..as a kid it wasnt only for presents but for the fact that I got to see all my family in the same day..I have so many cousins the same age..so we would always play and have so much fun at both of my Grandparents house's...as we got older we still hung out..but the other familys stopped staying as long..and even tho we all live in the same area..we dont see each other as much....Now on my Mothers side one family doesnt come anymore b/c they dont like my gpa anymore..and the others live too far away and dont like the drive...so its kinda boring..and we're all grown up...but we still kinda sit around and talk and have fun...we fit like 20 ppl into this small trailer we live in haha...
On my dads side of the fam..since the past like 10 years we havent had xmas since my gpa died and gma had a stroke..now she died and we never get together...
it just makes me think of how the past used to be so great to me....
and yeah its fun just to hang around talk, play games, watch old movies together!
Christmas is supposed to be special ..in my eyes..i feel like you should do something special on that besides some ordinary day!!!
And its cool you want to have your children "Get" christmas!!!