what is the best way to.....your parents?

Question

what is the best way to tell your parents that you live with at the age of 19 going on 20 that feel they have control over everything you do...and i mean everything...that you are going to be with the guy that they dont want you talking to even though you are close to starting your own life and having your own responsibilities...

oh and i have a job and am going to be finishing school this december starting my career.

Answer 1

As long as you live in their house, eat their food, wear the clothes that they buy you, drive their car, then you have to go by their rules.
As soon as you can afford to pay your own rent, pay your own tuition, pay for your own car, pay for your own insurance, pay for your own food, pay for your own hospitilizaiton, then you can do anything that you want.

Answer 2

Most good parents base thier actions and rules for thier children on the level of responsibility that the child shows them. Not that you are a child at all, but if you act responsibly, then specifically note this to them before you ask for things and see what they say. Perhaps they will respond in your favor. If not, well, you are over 18 so think about other options like moving away to school or getting a job and your own place. You decide your own fate. If you can't do this then I have to say that while you are dependent on them and live under thier roof then you should obey and respect thier wishes. I don't know if this answered your question or not but maybe it will get you to thinking anyway. Good luck, J

Answer 3

One think you need to think about is....your parents are experienced and know things that you don't...though you may not want to recognize that fact.
They may see, in your relationship with this person, things you don't. Many parents have seen their daughters hook up with some guy the parents didn't like only to find, in the end, that they were right about him. He was a loser.
Yes, they can be wrong but...the chances of that, in my opinion, are small. They have good reasons for feeling the way they do.
Of course, the easiest thing for you to do at 19 or 20 is to move out, get your own place, and do whatever you want. You will be free of their control and your decisions can be your own...except when they invite you and "HIM" to dinner.

Answer 4

i think finish your studies first and after your graduation talk to your parents in a nice mature way. Tell them that since you already graduated, thanks to their support and effort, you want to work and be independent, to be an adult and see what your other abilities are. Let them know that you are aware that living alone and working is not easy but youre willing to take that path, and ask their support and trust for that. Also make sure that you let them know that youre going to visit them every or twice a month and still be their daughter. Emphasize to them that you want to be a responsible person and to be able for you to achieve this you have to live away from them. Being stubborn and insisting what you want without letting them understand your point, is showing immaturity. Be an adult when it comes to your decision making so your parents will also treat you as one.And you might want to focus on your career first, living IN with your bf is not a good idea coz youre barely 20,- a mature responsible person will not decide like this - besides when youre parents find out about that, they will think you just moved out to live with youre bf...

Answer 5

Tell them that you are close to starting your own life soon, and that you love them very much, and you wish they didn't force you into starting this new life sooner than it should naturally happen. Tell them that they did a wonderful job raising you as a child, but you are becoming an adult (becoming is better than sayin I AM AN ADULT). Assure them that they can trust you (I wouldn't rush into telling them about the gut just yet). Tell them you need to know that they beleive in you, love and support you as an adult.
Biggest thing is not to be controversial with them. Know that they spent the past 20 years rasing you, and rebellion doesnt get very far. Let this progress over the next few weeks.

Answer 6

honestly i went through the same thing with my parents.they were really controlling,to the point i couldnt have guys call the house until 16 yrs. old.so i can kinda see what your saying !um i think the best way to let your parents know how you feel is to talk to them.and if you cant talk to them try to write a letter or something! your mom and dad r gonna be your parents for ever,dont let such a small thing as telling them how you feel get in the way of that!! good luck and God bless

Answer 7

the best way to tell them is to not have the best time or way of telling them. just say it to them because no matter how you say it, they will still have the same reaction. they still see you as a baby and they see themselves as adults. so as adults, they should handle what you will tell them as adults too.if not, then dont think of them negatively. whatever their reaction will be, it's their best although oddest way of showing you how much they love you.
things will past as time heals all wounds. nothing does not have an ending. only HE is eternal and infinite. so.....expect the worst thing to happen, but have faith that the best thing will come out of it. i assure you that ebcause i've been there. i was worse because i told them about the exact thing that you are feeling right now in between my screams, tears, crying, and swearing bad words. i freaked out and flipped that time because i never ever ever told them how i felt. i was not expressive until i finally exploded. 1 single explosion that shocked my parents.
anyway, it's all a thing of the past. we're ok now. i asked forgiveness although they didnt say sorry to me for hurting my feelings too. but what do you expect from parents, right? they want to keep their pride, but still, you love them dearly.
what i am trying to point out is that you should not let yourself end up doing what i did. lol.
tell them while you are still sane and patient. dont tell them what you are feeling when you are already very mad at them. :)hope this helps. good luck!

Answer 8

They should cut you some slack for being a legal adult, but as long as you are living under their roof, they are going to have their say.

Question: Why do your parents not even want you talking to this guy? Don't fight them to stay with a loser (or bad influence) just to spite them. If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one. They'll treat you as a responsible adult, when they see you behaving responsibly.

Answer 9

i am going through your same situation, im 19, i told my parents i was getting married and of course they were upset, but slowly theyve been realizing i am growing.... i guess our parents always want to see us as little kids just talk to them, tell them you are about to be 20 and that you feel they still see you as a little girl, maybe they will be mad...

and also try to be more dependant, it also helped when i had a job and paid for my own stuff, they started realizing i was growing up...

good luck!!

Answer 10

Tough reality is, they can be as mean as they want, they are doing it on purpose. They don't want to make it comfortable for you to live there.

You should really look into getting a job, saving money, and getting a place of your own, maybe with a friend or something.

Answer 11

tell them that your an adult now and your not a kid anymore! parents sometimes make these mistakes thinking your still her baby girl but its not true! you need to talk to them about this and hopefully they'll understand!

oh and since your still living with your parents you need to move out your over 18 and you need a job too your making mistakes thinking your still a kid you need to move out and get a job!