Divorce advice needed?

Question

Here is the situation. My wife is going to file for divorce soon. We have been married almost 2 years (Dec 30,2007 is 2 years)..

She says that she doesn't want to even try to rebuild our marriage because she doesn't think she can ever be happy with our marriage. She still cares about me and wants to remain close friends.

We are here because of some lies by me last month about paying bills and also because of a small (4-5 times a month) drug problem of mine (i'm in full rehab now under my own choice)...

My question is

Do you think she is not wiling to try fix our marriage because she is in shock? everything happened all at once in a 2 month timeframe.

Do you think that with time (the day i proposed is Dec 24 and our anniversary is Dec 30) she will realize how important being in each other's lives is and become ready and willing to give me a chance to rebuild our marriage?

Answer 1

sounds like she has made up her mind but dout if it came from just the past month or two but give her space

Answer 2

I think she is not willing to try to fix it because it is a lot to ask for someone to stay with someone who has a debt problem, a lying problem, AND a drug problem.

Do you have kids? If you do, that sort of changes things, because you will have to continue some sort of relationship/communication with her for their sakes. If so, it's all the more imperative that you get clean and sober ASAP, so that you not only have a chance to be the husband she deserves, but a decent father to your children.

If not, and you live in a state like Texas, there is no such thing as a separation agreement that would protect her financially from any future mistakes you might make concerning drugs or bills. Collection companies (or I suppose even drug interdiction agencies) could come after any property that is in your name or held jointly--is it fair to make her live under that cloud while you are trying to get it together?

The fact that all this is unfolding around your engagement and anniversary dates and Christmas I'm sure makes it hard for her emotionally, but it sounds like she is trying hard to be the grown-up here and not be ruled by her heart but her level head. When you get YOUR head together, and are in a position to show her some evidence that would help her regain trust and respect for you, then and only then should she even consider giving you a chance.
Quit playing on her emotions and quit playing her period. Give her some space and some time and focus on doing what you need to do for you, regardless of whether or not you have another chance with her. Don't pull her back into your co-dependent trap that you can only do this with her help or crap like that. It's bull and if she's smart, she knows it.

Answer 3

I think that you need to show her that you are a changed person. I feel that there's more you didn't mention, such as cheating, etc. One thing you have to understand is that no woman wants to take care of a man. Meaning, she wants to be your wife, not your mother. Money is one of the biggest problems in every relationship. Based on what you wrote, I will assume you were supposed to pay bills with the money but instead you bought drugs with it. You want to do drugs? fine....but at least support your own habit. You want to rebuild your marriage, then hop to it. Get a job so she can stop taking care of you. Because if this is the case with you, she's going to let you go now, while she still can. People don't go to rehab for weed, they go to rehab for heroine, coc, X, etc......these are expensive habits that you obviously can't afford. I would let you go because now in days, all guys are bums....And every woman would rather be alone than to carry their loser men.

Answer 4

Like you said, everything happened so fast, and she is probably very overwhelmed, sad and disappointed. I think it's reasonable for you to ask her to wait on filing for divorce until you've had a chance to progress in rehab, and I think you should ask her if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling with you. If she says no, you will have to accept that. Only she knows what she's going through and only she knows what she can and cannot handle.

Answer 5

she is more or less in shock and to she probably wondering if u will do it again. I am gald that u r in rehab but just give her some time to see that u really r getting better and it is your marriage that is important. Good Luck

Answer 6

My honest opinion is because she does not trust you anymore. And gaining that back will take a whole lot, rehab is the first step, telling her the truth about how you feel is the second.

Answer 7

well it is something and no one likes to be lied to but it isn't something so extremely serious, have you gotten counseling with her before? if no then it doesnt really appear like she actually cares about you, and seems to only want the divorce as a way to get out and perhaps attempt to gain many of your assests. you should get a lawyer and file for divorce fast

Answer 8

Are you the "One for the Road" guy who wants to service his soon to be ex to so call relieve her sexual fustrations?? Yup. ya are.....
Honey, if it's over, it's over. You can't force someone to stay in a mariage if they don't want to.....anniversaries won't do it.....having sex while divorcing won't do it.....she cares about you but she can't Trust you, and there are people that once you loose their trust, they can never trust you again. If that is the case, then accept it. You can't make someone stay if they don't want to........

Answer 9

your best bet is to give her lots of space, it is sometimes better to put things on paper, Write her a letter about your feelings etc.