disabled parents on my own when theyre entitled to have a nuses aide come in our home at no cost to us? my brother thinks that i should be the main care takermy dad has advanced alzheimers and my mother is in a nursing home recouperating from a fractured hip bone,when she comes home its going to be bedlam here! with me running my tail off for my sick parents while my brother is nicely at his job as a dentist.he doesnt even look in on my dad! is this fair?? someone please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-19 13:27:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
im sorry that ive chosen the wrong category,im just so infuriated with things,im very sorry.
2007-11-19 13:29:43 · update #1
no it's fair to leave all of the responsiblity on you, especailly when they could have a free nurse coming in to care for them, which may be better anyway since there are probably things a nurse would know that you wouldn't... Now if you were complaining that you had to help out and do things for them once in a while than I would say that you were wrong since they are you're parents, but that doesn't seem to be the case... i don't think you're wrong at all... and maybe you should talk to your brother about getting the nurse for them seeing as how a nurse would be probably be better able to assit them than you
2007-11-19 13:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
No it is not fair. You still need time to yourself and cannot be there every minute. An Alzheimer's patient is a 24 hr job. They cannot be left alone at all for their own safety. If you are entitled to free care arrange it. When your brother comes over to take his turn or it becomes his full time job then he can complain about hiring help. It would help to know how old you are. Does your brother help out at all? Do you ever get a break? Call and talk to the people where you can get a nurses aide and take all the help that you can get. Good luck.
2007-11-20 00:39:15 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not fair. Your brother appears to see things form his own perspective "I am a professional and my job needs me" or something to that; he needs to come and spend some time with your parents---say take half a day during the week
(close the office early for that reason) or spend most of the weekend with dad and mom. Not to be revengeful but he needs to observe the difficulties a care giver experiences. The idea that he does not want a nurse leads me to believe that he has no idea what you are going through. If he feels that you have to be the main care taker why that is okay but what is wrong having a nurse there on hand. He might talk the talk (care for our parents) but he does little to show his concern for their well-being. People may doubt what you say but people will believe what you do; actions speak louder than words. Sit down and work on a schedule so he can share the responsibility of helping out "our" parents..
2007-11-19 21:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Lifeline 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caring for one ailing person is a full time job, let alone caring for two.
You are in a very difficult situation, and I am sorry to hear that you parents are not in the best of health.
You need to have a very frank talk with your brother and discuss the many needs of your parents and why it is unreasonable that this should be your full responsibility. You should have nursing care especially when you mother comes home as it sounds as though your parents both need specialized care. This is not a matter of you not wanting to care for you parents, as I am sure you love them dearly, however you alone cannot be expected to be sole responsible for their care. It is not just a matter of your comfort, however the safety of your parents.
Alzheimer's patients can become quickly disoriented and confused posing a risk not only to themselves, but others.
If you brother is unable to see this, than I suggest as their primary care giver you make the decision to have external care come into their home, not only to provide you with some relief, to address their special needs and to provide you with better resources, education and tools to manage their needs.
2007-11-19 22:00:28 · answer #4 · answered by smedrik 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you honestly. You shouldn't feel forced to take care of them. My grandma had advanced alzheimers and it took her within a couple months, but my dad was with her during the week and on the weekends he had hired a nurse. My uncles told him to put her in a home but that isn't what my grandma wanted. I am not telling you what to do just giving you a picture. I wouldn't let someone else take care of my parents, they have always been there and i would jump the Pacific Ocean for them.
2007-11-19 21:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by justinsparents 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a certified nurse assistant and I believe it is nice for you to want to take care of your parents while you brother is working . But I also know that is is very hard especially if you do not have help. I also Know that with your both parents needing help you should not take this burden on alone you are going to need help especially if your dad has alzheimers. Let me know if you need more help.
2007-11-19 21:35:35 · answer #6 · answered by Nancy J 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not fair for all of this to be placed upon you. Your other siblings should help out. They have no idea what they are putting upon you. It always seems to fall on one kid.
Try to get the family together and have a discussion. Why not alternate with them and have the nurses come in too.
I know you are stressed and get angry, but try not to take it out on your parents. You will get your reward in the end. (I do not mean money).
Good luck and hang in there.
Kelli
2007-11-19 21:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by kellistines 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's important as a family member to be the main support but having a Nurses Aide is also vital. Being the primary & only caretaker of loved ones is too much for one person. We went through a similar situation with my Grandfather (Alzheimers) when my Grandmother passed . One of my Aunts moved in as the primary care giver but we made sure she had help. Even with the help it was overwhelming as times. And you have to have someone you trust to be there with your parents in case you need to be out of the house for any length of time.
2007-11-19 21:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sparks 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
One of the hardest things I had to do was put my mother in a nursing home.Trying to take care of her gave me an ulcer.
You need to look at what it is doing to you. Only you can decide what to do.
2007-11-19 21:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by messinger1965 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe its not fair but remember they took care of u on their own. i know it seems unfair but ya know what in the end your brother will relaize he lost his last chance to let his parents know how much they mean to him u keep doing what your doing and if u need help get a nurse to help but stay with your parents good luck
2007-11-19 21:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by rebecca b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋