It was always something else in my life: getting a job, getting to ne a pro, getting money, getting to know the world, the normal things you want until you reach that age that you start needing a partner for more than a week. I had a week of bloody dating with a man who had a 3 year old daugther and it was hell. Though the child stayed with her mom and there was no issued with parenting or of the sort, instead of dating with me, we were dating all three together. He tried to force his daughter on me before even starting to know me and see if there is any "the 2 of us" before going on the "the 3 of us" part. Pretty hell. Off the guy, because of the guy and not the child of course, though I was left with so much pain seeing what will happen to her for having a father like that. My question is, though I always felt a child is only an option, not a cumpulsory thing in life and though I am comfortable with the idea that I may never have my own, I might like a man who has a child of his own.
2007-11-19 13:05:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In fact dating has just begun with a man I like and has two children from previous marriages. I explained to him since day 1 that this has to go veeeeery slow to see if it can work for the two of us and later on see if it can work for the four of us. Seems like a reasonable guy but that least experience with the psycho as well as all the issues concerning blended families are fearful. It is not as if I have decided that this or any other single dad is the man of my life, but it may happen as such and I do not want to miss him because of fear. Single dad and moms over there, how would you protect your child from a new relationship and how would you protect your new relationship from falling apart because you cannot handle things in the very beginning or later on at life? Should I gues that I am correct to feel that you unfortunately bear most of the responsibility of keeping things at an acceptable level in a blended family? Do not take me wrong, the new person in the family also
2007-11-19 13:11:26 · update #1
acquires his/her responsibility after adults decide it worths while, but shouldn't the mother/father be the one to help just a bit more in the beginning for this to work out? Am I making sense here? Should I go dating childless people only so as not to get into trouble since day one??
2007-11-19 13:13:11 · update #2
I don't understand your problem
2007-11-19 13:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by J.P. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may not want children in a relationship. If that is the case - recognize it .. and don't try to force the issue on yourself .. because .. it .. just .. won't .. work.
I knew a lady who never wanted children. She married a guy with 2 kids. The lady was a great lady in every thing she did .. in fact, she would make a better Mom than most people .. kids would definitely be 100% cared for ... however, she could not help it that she did not want kids. She was absolutely wonderful to his kids .. better than their real Mother .. but it eventually just did not work out. This same lady is a wonderful Aunt .. and is a fantastic helper with kids of friends .. but it just did not work for her, with a partner, with kids.
Have you ever thought about something you planned to do .. like going on a diet, or work-out program, that you thought long & hard about & planned out .. it sounded great .. and you just knew you would stick to it, and make it work for yourself. Then .. when you got into it .. it just didn't work like the wonderful thing you imagined ? Well .. this would be kinda like the same with thinking about wanting a man with a child. A man with a child holds so many respsonsibilities .. and other things.
Some people can make the transition, easier than others. Usually - this might be persons who have had kids - and they know what it is like to have their own kids.
A person who has never had their own kids .. has no real conception of what it is really like to have a child. Children are forever .. and they are a every second responsibility .. and expense. Don't get me wrong .. children are precious .. and wonderful .. but a person needs to make the decision to want them.
When you enter the relationship with 2 children .. you also inherit the ex-wife .. for a very, very long time. Consider that the children will come before you .. and the children's priorities are first. There are many things about children which take up much time .. there are school events, church events, sick times , doctor & dentis visits , etc. However, children are priceless ,, and precious.
Look at the reality of it. Don't justify anything. Think about it a long time .. because there will be more involved than just you .. it will be the lives of the 2 children.
2007-11-19 13:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wise to go very slowly. It's a difficult row to hoe and you will need to be strong to integrate the blended family. Counseling is a good idea if you get deeper into the relationship to make sure it is an easy transition for the children. You need to have a good agreement with the father about how you both want to raise your children. You want it to work out for all of you.
2007-11-19 13:21:01 · answer #3 · answered by Virginia G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are dating the man not the children,i think you and the guy should get to know each other before he brings the children in on it. If you find him to be someone you could really fall in love with then you could get to know them on a one on one bases. If it were me i wouldn't want to meet his kids for quite some time. Call me selfish but i would want him all to myself for awhile and he should feel the same way. If he is a good father he will want to move very slow when it comes to his kids.
2007-11-19 13:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got involved with a woman who had a daughter and ended up marring her. My wife and I ended up having a baby and I can honestly tell you that I love both of the kids the same. If we didn't end up having a baby I could have lived my life with only having her daughter quite happily. Both kids are my life and you need to ask yourself if you could be happy with raising her kids as your own.
2016-04-04 23:19:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're considering dating a man with TWO failed marriages already? Good luck.
2007-11-19 14:03:30 · answer #6 · answered by Elt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help is definately what you are going to need. Oh let the HELL begin!!!
2007-11-19 13:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by ~Sara~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly does he want?
2007-11-19 13:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by cheir 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋