What would you do?? Help?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 15 years. I love her and I know she loves me. We never fight, never hit each other, we're both hard workers, but here's the problem... since about the first year after we married, she cut our sex life by half, the following 2 years, by half again, and by the 4th year, I was the only one interested in making love! She would make love to me after me asking her after a month or two, but was realy never inot it as I'd like her to be. The following years were worst! The last 8 years, if I tried to kiss her she'd turn her head, if I touched her body or caressed her sexually, she would push my hand away, and tell me to leave her alone, if I talked about making love, she'd ignore me or do something else, or tell me to be quiet if she was watching TV, etc. I have even left her alone for weeks to see if she would try herself, but she didn't even try once! I even left her twice wanting to divorce because of this. She asked me to come back and I did!

Each time I came back to her she promissed me she would be a better loving wife and that she would do whatever she had to do to make sure she would keep me happy, sexually and lovingly! Both times it lasted about 3 to 5 months of great love making, but just to be exactly the same after! The last eight years I told her 6 times I would divorce her if she kept this up and that I wasn't happy if she didn't change her ways and told her I wanted to leave her. Each time she would just about beg me to stay with her and not leave and that she would be loving and caring. But that again just lasted great for just a few months! She has no family here in Florida, only in Canada, she is a great person and very intelligent, always worked for her money, but I just can't seem to be happy with her, and when I try to talk to her about the problems and feel she doesn't love me, she just seem to ignore me, or tells me i'm just exagerating, that being together is all that matters! I don't believe so!

Answer 1

i just dont understand these women that get married and cut off sex. if anything...im more interested in making sex great for my husband because i know the only way he is going to get satisfied is if i do it. you need to tell her that if she doesnt start making an effort you are going to leave. intimacy is an important part of a relationship and if she is going to cut you off than that is terrible on her part. how would she like it if you withheld all emotional intimacy?

Answer 2

A few things: Maybe you're not the great bed partner that you think you are.... just getting it up doesn't do much, ya know. Ever read any books? Try "For You Both" By Lonnie Barbach.... cheap in paperback anywhere.... she's the leading sex therapist in the country today.

Secondly, sex is part of marriage, so maybe the two of you ought to see one...a sex therapist... yup, there is such a critter. Check around.

Assuming the lady has just lost her libido, and is not interested in getting it back, you, then have a choice.... stay under those conditions, or leave. Not an easy choice.

Answer 3

There's always a reason. Only she will truly know why she feels that way. Does she refuse to talk about it? Do you have kids? Do you act like she's just an object to have sex with? Has she got low self-esteem for any reason (weight gain, depression, stress)? Hormonal problems (thyroid, etc)? Maybe try touch without pressuring for sex? Like massage her feet, or shoulders.

Answer 4

Has she had a recent physical? She could be experiencing some health problems that could be easily remedied. Depression, hormonal imbalance - just a couple things that could contribute to her lack of interest. Perhaps counseling to talk things out with a professional? You seem to really care, so why not get her the best possible help?

Answer 5

Get her to a doctor. There are many medical reasons for this problem, including high blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid activity (or lack of) etc. With my wife it was thyroid. She takes a thyroid pill every day and she's horney once per week or more. And we're over 65 yr old with creaky joints, saggy skin and all, but still having fun.

Answer 6

sounds like you need to sit down and talk to her on the way you feel about this and then you both need to figure out a way to fix this problem being together for this long of a time you should not have a problem with talking to her in such ways and compromise on this situation to make this marriage work if that is what you both shall want ...... if this does not work then yes you have that right to move on and enjoy your life with someone that makes you happy .....good luck!

Answer 7

this all depends on how much you NEED or WANT sex. if you love her then stay married to her. IF you need sex as part of a loving marriage then you might wish to consider divorce. It sounds like this is not going to change so you have to make a choice no matter how much you love her and she loves you.

Answer 8

maybe shes not okay with her body image. working out can increase her sex drive. Or maybe youve changed and you need a make over. Maybe she needs more romance. She should want to have sex with you and you should seriously talk to her about it. Dont ask for sex just talk about why she doesnt want it.

Answer 9

after you came back did you get sex?probably not huh/ You should sit her down an tell her how you feel an if things aren't gonna change then you'd probably be better off leaving for good!! Good Luck

Answer 10

Was she ever abused? She sounds like she was. She might need to see a doctor for a physical first and then a psychologist.