Can you please help me?

Question

I was talking to somebody I know today and towards the end of our conversation, he told me that because I answer without actually responding, it seems like I am uninterested in what other people have to say. Could you possibly give me some advice to improve how I respond to other people?

It has nothing to do with body language, its about how I answer them. Short answers are part of my problem but I do it so often I can't help it.

Answer 1

I'm not quite sure what you mean, but if you mostly go "uh huh... uh huh..." in a conversation, it does seem like you're not interested - even if that is far from the truth. The keys are listening carefully to them, making commentary that has some bearing on the topic of the conversation, and prompting for more information.

Listen to what they actually have to say, and once they've had their say, try offering some input on whatever it is that they're talking about, such as "Oh, I like dogs, too. Do you like Border Collies?". It also really helps if you prompt them for more information, as well - "Oh, cool, you went to (place) last night? What did you do/did you have fun?" It will make them feel o.k. about continuing to talk about the topic.

Try to listen carefully to what they have to say and figure out what they find interesting about whatever they are talking about. Comment on what they've said - and remember that even if you genuinely don't find boats interesting, the person you are talking to might, and is more likely to enjoy your conversation if you ask them about boats anyway. You may actually wind up finding out things you didn't know about the person, and enjoy the conversation just as much as them.

Answer 2

There is a process called "active listening". it requires you to listen in that the person's question is actually restated in the answer.

e.g. "John, Do you think I should go to the dance with Janice?"

John responds: "I think Janice is pretty, and I think you'd have a great time with each other at the dance."

You've let the person know what you think, and you've used parts of their question in the answer, which lets them know that you heard the entire question.

If you are uncomfortable with answering a specific question, let them know that it isn't one you feel comfortable offering an opinion on. You could answer the previous question with "I don't know Jane well enough to know if I think she's the right one for you to ask to the dance." It doesn't give an opinion, but it does let the person know that you heard and thought about the specific question.

Listening is a skill and it takes time to develop.

Answer 3

OK sweety , I just have to say that firstly, there are a lot of people out there who are in the same boat. If this is your personality and has always been then , however long you and the other person have friends , this wouldnt be anything new.
Sometimes some of us dont have a lot to say , sometimes we say what we think is neccessary, if this is you then explain this to your pal. Most of us like to have our converstaions met with equal enthusiam from the person we are aiming it at, and like your friend has expressed it can be quite frustrating and even hurtful if this doesnt happen.
I agree with everyone else, just really listen and try your hardest to add more to the convo, even if its just little bits at the start, let your friend know that their friendship is important to you and that you are interested in what they say , even if to them it doesnt seem so , just reinforce that.
You sound like a genuinly nice person and the fact that you posted this shows how much your friendship with this person means to you. Maybe you can show them your post here to let them know that you truly wanted to make an effort.
Good luck with it all sweety
wanda

Answer 4

Try asking more questions. That always lets me know that someone is interested in actually having a conversation with me. Show some energy and emotion. Instead of Shrugging your shoulders or nodding your head try putting in your own to cents about what another person is talking about. Its about interaction. On the other hand, If you really truly aren't interested in what the other person has to say, then just be yourself and don't fake what you don't feel. Just relax and be yourself. You can listen to what and whoever you want and you can ignore and not listen to whoever you want. After all life is about Doing What YOU want.

Answer 5

Be interactive. As you listen to someone use some acknowledgment words like Uh-huh or nod maybe ask a pertinent question. Also make sure you look at the person you are talking to and not off into the distance.

Answer 6

Sometimes shyness comes off to other people as rudeness. I have a problem with this myself. People want you to look them in the eye as they speak. Body language is also important. If you stand with your arms crossed .. people see that as not being interested. If you are looking around ... they see that as a sign of wanting to "escape". Smile, look concerned, respond to their questions with more than a yes or no answer. It can be difficult at first, but once you practice it and continue to do this it will come more naturally. Good luck!

Answer 7

It only means to listen before speaking and that way the other person will not be annoyed. Sometimes body language will also let the other person know how you feel without you saying a word.

Answer 8

some people said the same to me. i'm still trying really hard to be objective when i answer but sometimes i carry on talking and they tell me that they didn't get the answer.
listen carfully and try to find the point of their question or discussion and when you answer keep reminding your self of the subject and if you carried away just stop talking and take a deep breath then go back to the main point
good luck

Answer 9

Sound interested, that's a big one. Oh YEAH??! No way!!! Whatever, get emotionally in tune with the person you are talking to, they get sad, you sound sad, they are happy, share their happiness. Ask questions that are relevent. Ask advice. More than anything, ask THEM what would help you seem more interested! You can also offer stories of your own that are relevent. Think of it this way- what would you like to hear when telling someone something?

Answer 10

Listen to the whole conversation or don't even socialize with them, period. You could possibly be unsocial and if that is your preference, it's cool. I am an individual learner, instead of group activities because I find group activities to be very disturbing and unorthodox. However, you do need some socialization in your life.