Been dating my fiance for 5 years. We started discussing how to split up the holidays when we are married. He works for the railroad and isn't home on the actual holiday unless he takes it off. He can't take off all holidays because he can get in trouble for this at his job. Also, he gets paid more than double by working them. He could probably lay off one holiday but not both. He's pretty much an only child, since his parents don't see his other brothers hardly ever. So he says if he doesn't go to his parents they won't celebrate holidays at all, which I think is more their problem than his. I have 2 little brothers still at home, so it's important to my family to have the holidays on the actual day; his parents have them whenever he's home. So, basically he wants to spend all holidays with his parents, and said if he took off the actual day and spent it with my family, he would feel guilty for spending it with my family and not his.
2007-11-19 11:39:29 · 6 answers · asked by jlg_jdf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Basically, he's saying he wants to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family when he's home. But if he won't take off the actual holiday and spent it with my family (cuz his family would feel bad) apparently we'll never go to my family. I don't understand why it's such a big deal if his parents will have it any day anyway and it doesn't matter to them that it's the actual day. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated. I'm really confused on how to solve this dilemma. Thanks!
2007-11-19 11:41:36 · update #1
If he had all the holidays off, we would go to his for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas and switch. But he thinks he needs to go to his family for both regardless on which one we go to my family. I thought about hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas and having both families over...
2007-11-19 15:18:06 · update #2
this is a tough one, but i will tell you what my hubby and i did, for 13 years he was in the food industry and you don't have ANY holidays off, don't even think of asking for it off. anyway, i spent the holidays with my family and i did go to his parents for a bit. but for he & i we always celebrated our holidays either on his day off before or his day off after. i think it meant more to the both of us...
2007-11-19 11:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by loriloriloriloriv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might I suggest is to split up the holidays, one year his parents for Thanksgiving, and then yours for Christmas, and New Years you both should be together. Then the next year, switch. It's actually quite resonable, and most families accept this. Hope this helps, take care, and happy holidays.
2007-11-19 19:57:25 · answer #2 · answered by Cindybear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you have decided to lay the final ground rules down since you do have younger sibilings still at the house you want to spend christmas with your family and tell him that you want to spend thanksgiving with his family. And if his parents dont want to have the holiday at all cause he isnt there than thats his parents own deal not yours or his !!!! And if that dont work out than one year for thanksgiving and christmas you spend with his family the next year you spend it with your family and if that still dont work than you can just spend christmas eve with his parents and christmas day with your parents... You have to tell him it has to be either one and that you dont think its fair that you have to spend all holidays with his family and let him know that you also have family that you wouldnt mind spending at least one of the holidays with.
2007-11-19 23:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You spend, thanksgiving at one house Christmas at the other. Then next year switch...Understand my hubby works for the railroad too. Though we have been married 11 years and, he goes to his mom's and dad's for Thanksgiving and, I stay with my family. And we spend Christmas with each other...
2007-11-19 19:46:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been dealing with this for over 30 years now we have gotten into arguments over who's turn it was this year. You put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't want to take turns then he can go to his families house and you can go to yours.
2007-11-19 19:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that your fiance is not willing to compromise....so unless you allow him to dictate who you will be spending the holidays with...you go to be with your family and he can go be with his....
2007-11-19 19:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋