why do some moms let their teen daughters...?

Question

have their boyfriends spend the night and what not. i mean....how does the subject even come up....or worse the moms who let their teenage daughters boyfriend actually move in their house and stuff. why does this happen so much??

are there any mothers here who actually let this go on, if so what do u feel on the subject can u please explain? or anyone else who has some comments on this issue...

thanks

i may be judgemental but i think its wrong and all these people saying " well its the same boy" well at 16 do u really think its going to be the same boy for long...and what about when the next boy comes along then itll be that boy.....plus others say well atleast they are in the house....well how do u feel when u walk past ur 16 yr olds room and hear them having sex with someone....yes bad parenting and disrespectful. i dont care what u say to justify it

Answer 1

because the daughter runs the house and not the mother. whenever the daughter doesn't get her way theres hell to pay for the mom. the mom just can't stand up to the daughter, at least it was that way with my sisters daughter. also its all about morals, and morals have changed over the years.

Answer 2

Same reason they let them go out on dates alone, then wonder why their 15 yr old is pregnant, or why their 15 yr old boy is now an expectant father. Reason is they are stupid.

I knew one lady who'd let her daughter, about 16, and boyfriend, 28, down in the basement alone for hours. Heaven only knows why she let a 28 yr old date her daughter. She'd also send the 16 yr old off to the boyfriends, and send her 13 yr old brother with to "chaperone". Yeah, right. The 13 yr old played video games on TV while the others played "other" games. Needless to say, the girl wound up pregnant, though no one knew. The only clue anyone had was she hurried up and made sure her daughter got married the end of Dec. No one could figure that one out. Well, we did when the baby was born. They weren't yet married 9 mos before Devon was born. And he wasn't yet 6 mos old when the girl started cheating on her hubby, with every loser in town. Hubby finally had enough of that crap and kicked her out. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she came home pregnant with someone else's baby. So he booted her hind end out. She's now living with heaven knows who, and he has the little boy most of the time. He also learned his lesson the hard way, but so did the little boy, who was completely innocent.

I'll probably add more on as I think of more, so stay tuned.

To the one parent on here who actually lets her daughter's boyfriend, and son's girlfriend spend nights together, I guarantee, they ARE having sex, whether they know the rules or not. The above mentioned girl also knew there were rules,but didn't care.

It is those with the attitude that teens are going to have sex anyway, so why not invite it into your house? that wind up being parents of teen parents. No, a well supervised teen isn't going to be sexually active. When she's constantly supervised, sorry, doesn't happen. I know, because I know parents who did just that. All dates were chaperoned. All visits were in the living room, and no private phone conversations. Any phone conversations had to be in the living room or kitchen, where the phone would normally be. One lady in particular who does this, her oldest is now married with a child of her own. No unwed mother there. Yet the lady herself was given the freedom some on here give their teens and "trusted"and became a teen mom, and knew better than to trust her own kids, which is why she does what she does, and it works. I know others doing that as well.

I would also like to go on to say that parents allowing their kids to spend nights with boyfriends/girlfriends are also allowing for them to get whatever disease the bf or gf gives their kid. They don't know if the other person is faithful or not, so why in the world are they inviting this into their home?

Answer 3

It's like almost everyone else is saying. The parents have no control or they want to be the friend not the parent or they are afraid to say no because they are afraid they will lose the love of the kid. Where the opposite is actually true. Kids want and need discipline. Generally it's the parents who are afraid of it. They feel that it's easier to say yes even though they know it is not right. They do it to keep the peace. Parents like this have said yes for the whole time the kid was growing up because they did not want the tempur tantrum that followed when they said no. In other words the kid trained the parent instead of the parent training the kid. So when the kid gets older the pattern is set.
Parents don't realize as one of the respondents to your question, I let my 16 year old daughters boyfriend stay over night with her door and our door open. And she thinks they are not having sex. Boy does she need her eyes opened. At this age they will have sex when and where they can, and if we open our homes for it to happen it will. So if the parent is ready to be a grandparent or worse yet raise another kid as their own, then they need to learn how to say no and mean it.

Answer 4

This is how I see it being that I'm a mom too although my daughter is only 5. Would you rather have your daughter hide the fact that she has a boyfriend and yes that they more than likely is sexually active? I do know some of my co-workers let there daughters boyfriends stay over after meeting them because they want to know that if anything there daughter is safe and at home not having sex in a car or getting into an argument with there boyfriend where he could hurt her or even leave her stranded somewhere. It all depends on how our parenting skills are and what we've been through as teenagers too. I don't think these mothers are wrong. Everyone just has a different opinion about these kinds of situations. ;-)

Answer 5

Because the parents are letting the kids run their lives.
Maybe they are working all the time and don't even know what the girl is doing.
I would never do this and my girls knew it though they did try to get away with it and it was stopped before it started.
Some parents don't care about what their kids are doing so they just ignore it.
A lot of teenage girls can be really ornery, too.
I think if their parents were real parents and set some rules, the kids would be happier in the long run.
Not only that, look at all the mothers that are having their boyfriends live in with them, the kids think that is normal.

Answer 6

Some of these parents forgets who makes the rules around here it's not being rude to give the boyfriend a set time to leave you do not live here. These parents who think nothing is going on because they have an opened relationship will be the same ones running to the abortion clinic. And what's going to happen when you tell the nut he can't stay over or another male friend wants to stay over then your house becomes the whore house or party center. Good question!

Answer 7

I was reading on down the line and saw what most people thought. Now here is what I think(not that it matters much) I would not let my daughter stay the night with her boyfriend until they graduated from high school, at this point the decision was hers. Her boyfriend did stay at our house a few times and I really didn't have any problems with this. They were respectful with him sleeping on the couch upstairs and her in her bedroom downstairs. I know I know whos to say they didn't sneak around after we were all asleep. I think that you have to trust your daughter and her boyfriend to do the right thing. And every situation is different. Now on to the boy child that I have raised. He had two girlfriends in highschool whose parents let him spend the night on a weekly basis. I know that they trusted my son to do the right thing and I belive that he did.I was actually shocked the first time I was asked if he could stay the night, but after that there were no problems. He actually helped alot around girlfriend #1's house while her dad was deployed to Iraq. As I said before each situation is different.

Answer 8

I have to wonder how a new generation of parents got to negotiating with their kids about this stuff.

My dad didn't believe in premarital sex. Ergo, no boys sleeping over. Period. He was not going to get into some silly debate with me about whether or not it was OK if we left the door open...or how it's too far/too late for Johnny to go home (Johnny would not have been hanging out at my house late enough for that to be an issue in the first place)...or how long we'd been seeing each other. "My house, my rules" was the end of the discussion.

I'm not going to say that he was necessarily right in all things (I could have used a little understanding in some areas) but I can certainly see what he was trying to prevent in retrospect. It was important enough that he was not going to unbend even an inch on that rule. And I can also see where, if he'd negotiated even a little bit, it would have undermined his authority.

Answer 9

i will say one thing there are some situations where the mother doesn't really have a choice if the significant other of their child is being put out on the street...there are some cases like that and i commend the mothers that step up and take on the challenge. In the mean time they try and find a way to help the other teenager either get on their feet or make amends with their repsective family. So you can't be too harsh on some situations. sometimes its that or homelessness, which would you rather?

Answer 10

I have an eighteen year old daughter, who is not yet dating.As a parent the only thing in favour I can say about having the daughter's bf spend the night is that at least you know they are both safe under your roof and not out doing God knows what in unsafe surroundings. That being said, I also know that if its their choice to become intimate, nothing I can do or say will change that.I just pray that I have raised my child right with the self respect and knowledge to think of all the consequences, and with that in mind to make the safe and informed choices

Answer 11

Parents that allow this are not parents at all. This is what you call trying to be a friend to the child. The reality is that children are maturing at a rapid rate because of the time that we live in but parents give in now-a-days in fear that the child would resend them or call children and family services on them. But in order for a child to grow up right, parents are going to have to be stern and take a stand as a parent. No parent in there right mind should let a boyfriend or girlfriend stay at their home over night. What is that telling the child? I trust you? No! Its saying mom or dad trust me enough to conduct myself as an adult in an adult atmosphere and behavior. When the reality is that the child is just a child. No reason why teenage pregnancy rate is so hi. We parents that are allowing this in our homes should be ashamed.