Am I wrong 2 be upset at my bf b/c he's still partying...and I can't participate b/c I'm pregnant?!

Question

Before I got pregnant, my bf and I used to party all the time together. Now, we had the luxury of a "planned pregnancy" and b4 I got pregnant he would say that he was going to quit drinking and partying when I got pregnant b/c I would no longer be able to and I explained to him that I would feel so left out. Well, I am 6 1/2 mos now and he still goes out drinking with his friends and parties on the weekends...and just as I told him I would, I feel very left out and sometimes get aggravated when he comes stumbling in at 2:00a. Now granted, he doesn't drive when he drinks, he always rides w/ someone else. When I bring up the fact that he promised he'd quit drinking, he just says that's very unfair of me to ask him to do that since he works so hard all week. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard...I know he does. But I work too...I'd like to have a drink after work, but I can't. Is it selfish of me to think he shouldn't be able to either?!

Answer 1

My boyfriend also continued to go out partying and having fun with his friends, (probably about once a fortnight), until I was 34 weeks. I did feel a little left out, but honestly by that stage I was just happy to sleep!

In the last weeks of my pregnancy I think he realised that this was the real deal and he had to straighten up a bit. Now my son is 13 months old and my boyfriend has been an invaluable source of help and support, particularly in those early weeks when you're just trying to get enough sleep to function, (and he hasn't been out drinking at all).

I think a lot of men freak out at the idea of all the responsibility attached to having a baby and try to get in their last hurrahs before the birth.

Maybe you should sit down and explain your concerns to him. I'm sure he'll be a great dad. And when the time comes, he'll be there to babysit while you enjoy a girls night.

Good luck (and don't mind those comments about being an unresponsible parent because you aren't married - a piece of paper doesn't make you a better parent :o)

Answer 2

You know I'm kind of going through the same thing right now. I don't think men understand our hormones. WAIT, I KNOW they don't. lol. He doesn't understand why I get so emotional over things. Trust me, I used to be a big partier myself. In fact, slightly towards the alcoholic side, it was kind of sad. I used alcohol to make me feel better, when i was upset or mad or just wanted to be loose and have a good time. And now it's all about the baby. If you sit him down and tell him how you really feel, and that it hurts and maybe he should cut back and not party so much. If he's partying ALL the time and not spending any time with you, then that's wrong. But I think he should be able to go out every once in a while and have a good time. That's where I had to drawn the line. Also, I just keep telling myself when my babygirl gets here, all those months of THROWING UP and not being able to do everything I wanted to, will be worth it. I don't think it's selfish of you to think he shouldn't be able to go out and party and have fun. It's just resentment because men can't experience pregnancy, and that is absolutely normal. I'm sure if you sat him down and told him to think about it from your point of view he'd cut down on a lot of that, and if not then KICK HIS A**! haha I hope this has been helpful for you. I know what an emotional rollercoaster this has been for me. If you ever need to talk you can message me. : )

Answer 3

Well I do not think that you are being selfish, this is his child and not to cause havoc but you did not get pregnant by yourself and even though he can't share the pregnancy physically he can definitely share it with you as far as being conservative in certain areas.It's not fair and not that he should stop completely but he should have alot more understanding, sympathy and try to go through the pregnancy with you. I am 8 months pregnant too and I know it's hard for them, but they play a role in this pregnancy just as much as you and I do. So stand for what you feel is right I am sure you have expressed it alot but try to get him to See it from your point a view it's almost the same as drinking in front of a recovering drunk if you catch my drift.No disrespect just making a point I hope it works out for you, it is very tempting I feel the same way, I wish I could drink too I am a social drinker and lately I have said I wish I could have a drink but its the channels we have to go through, you know the 1st,2nd, and 3rd trimester stages. You will get that life back maybe not as much with a newborn in the picture but a little more than none.

Answer 4

You are definately not wrong for thinking the way you do. I'm 18 and my bf is 19 and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. He stopped partying immediately when we found out I was pregnant. He knew it would be unfair if he got to go out and I didn't (and he knows I'd kiil him if I ever found out he was out drinking w/o me). You need to tell him to grow up or there's going to be an unpleasant change. Tell him that it's completely fair when you tell him he needs to stop cuz he's not the only one that works all the damn time. You're the one that has to deal with a 1 ton baby in your womb. My bf would NEVER even think about throwing all that in my face. He fears me and I like it. ^_^

Answer 5

talk with him about it make sure that he knows how you feel. telling us on here wont get you anywhere! trust me.i know from experiance.

when i got pregnant my boyfriend and i were getting drunk pretty much every other night. we partied CONSTANTLY!

its not silly that your upset because..well...its not fair. but at the same time..you can't expect him to just stop on a dime. he doesn't have a reason to quit other than you dont want him to do it and well..you will realize soon enough that you cant control a man. i married that guy that was my boyfriend and i still cant control him and that isn't a bad thing. hes his own person. give him some breathing room or else he will feel like you are trying to be too controlling and he will up and leave. you had a reason to quit drinking....you had to because you have a child growing inside of you. he doesn't have anything other than a nagging girlfriend...

it gets better. you only have a few months left.

Answer 6

It does sound stupid that since your pregnant and can't drink he shouldnt be able too. BUT it isn't fair when its happening to you. Lots of people are "partyers" and may not grow out of it til there 30 or 40 lol I know people like that. All i have to say is that you both made the desicion to have a baby..you shouldn't be drinking, and he shouldn't be drinking. If he wants to play that game, have him babysit one night in the future and go party your brains out lol ( don't make it a habit however) As long as theres no drinking around your child i think its fine to go out on occasion.

Answer 7

That's terrible. You need to sit your BF down and talk with him. Tell him that with the baby on the way with in 3 months that he needs to stop partying. You are not being selfish. Tell him that when the baby comes and he's coming home drunk every night on the weekends, it'll set a bad example. If he still says it's not fair for you to ask him that, then I suggest you wait until the baby comes. When the baby comes if your BF still parties and drinks and all that I suggest you move in with a friend or family member that will be responsible enough to help you raise this baby. Your BF is thoughtless for not caring about the baby's health.

Good luck and god bless.

Answer 8

He needs to knock that off!!! Once in a while is fine but he needs to be looking after you! What if you have complications and his silly behind is out partying when you need him drunk!!!! He needs to get into responsible adult mode. I have 3 kids and another on the way. What's going to happen after the baby comes? What happens when he wants relations with you and you are too tired after taking care of the baby 24/7 alone while he parties? It' s gotta stop! Good luck!

Answer 9

You have picked a very selfish person to have a child with. If you two were not ready to quit partying, why did you choose to have a child? No, you are not wrong to be upset with him- you are very much justified. Is he going to do this after the baby is born, leaving you home alone every night with the baby? Since he obviosly doesn't stand behind what he says, I hope you keep that in mind before having another child with him or if you are considering marrying this idiot.

Answer 10

Your not wrong. Your boyfriend needs to grow up. It doesn't sound like he is ready for this baby. Everyone needs to go out and have fun sometimes. But when you have a family, which you do, I don't care if the baby is here or not. Then all that going out to get drunk every weekend has to stop. I think you need to sit down with him and make sure he realizes whats going to happen and that he needs to stop this now. I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out.