I hate this..
I started this job in May and in July my husband (of 4 years) and I separated. He is in rehab at the moment and I am too emabarrassed to tell my four co-workers. They are all women, two of which are married. I have been doing a little lying, like the other week it was my bday and I said he bought me perfume. Now, they want to know if he is going to our christmas party.
How do I do this?
2007-11-19 09:10:32 · 19 answers · asked by None 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand that this is a difficult time in yoru life and that the circumstances are embarassing. If I wa syou,. I would keep it under wraps as long as possible.
If you tell them, they gossip and the bickering will start and everyone an their neighbor will feel compelled to give you unwanted advice.
As far as the Christmas party, tell them that he is unable to attend and maybe next time. When you actually get yoru situation resolved (reconciled, divorce etc). You can announce it at work, but not before as it will only add stress with all the speculation and the interrogations.
Good luck
2007-11-19 09:23:23 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to think you have to carry the whole weight of the separation on your shoulders. I don't know the circumstances but I'm sure it must have taken both of you to come to this point. You say he is in rehab so it seems like he is trying to address some issues and I'm sure it must make you feel a little bit better that he is trying to help himself. You don't have to tell your co-workers anything except that you are going through a bit of a rough time and although they may be concerned about you...you'd rather have some space and not talk about it. You don't need to lie...you don't need to impress anyone. When it comes to the Christmas party just tell them you'll be missing it because you have other matters that are more pressing and important to you at this time. Good Luck.
2007-11-19 09:59:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. When I first got seperated, I thought OMG how do I tell peple, because its not something that 'just comes up' in conversations.
My advice is to ...not tell any more little 'white lies'. When they ask about the Christmas party again, just tell them . Its a small office, of 4 women, you will probably find they will be very sympathetis and supportive.
The longer you leave it the harder it will be, and they could end up not trusting you if you take the 'white lies' further.
2007-11-19 09:39:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell them till you're ready, It's not like you have to let everyone know your personal life. I have always been the kind to never make the other person look bad or shed a bad light on them. A fib on the tuff questions is ok
2007-11-19 09:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you could just gloss over everything and leave them all wondering or you could just tell the them truth that no he won't be attending the company Christmas party. If they ask simply tell them that he has a previous commitment that can't be broken. In time as you speak about him less and less they will stop asking about him. Then when you feel comfortable you can tell them that the two of you have split and are no longer together.
2007-11-19 09:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by jen_ny6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to tell them something, the way to do it would be to say simply "My husband and I have separated."-- at a time you are ready to inform them. Then have a serene look on your face that does not invite more questions. If anyone dares ask, you could say "There are things I cannot discuss at the moment."
If you don't say anything ever, it will cause MORE gossip and speculation than if you tell them simply, with no details or drama. You don't need to fill them in on any details of legal matters or emotional feelings.
You might have to share more information with HR if there are insurance issues, but you can ask for their discretion.
2007-11-20 01:23:50 · answer #6 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not ready to tell them, then don't. But don't start to lie about your home life. That's just one step away from lying about work stuff and it'll make you look bad at work.
If they ask after your husband, just smile, and say, "No, I don't think he'll be coming to the Christmas party" and then change the subject. When you're ready to talk about it, you will. But don't lie.
2007-11-19 09:21:01 · answer #7 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
juts tell them straight up, and if they get snobby about it then so be it , you should not be worrying about what they think anyway, and besdies what goes on in your personal life is none of their concern., but if your close with your co -workers then fair enough if you want to turn to them for guidance and support lets just hope they wont turn their back on you. You dont need to tell them teh whole life story just tell them what is appropraite in informing them that you are infact going through a divorce appolagise if you must for lying.....good luck!
2007-11-19 09:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to.. But if you feel obligated, just tell them that you're currently seperated. They should understand and respect your privacy..
2007-11-19 09:19:30 · answer #9 · answered by Caligirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't reveal anything about your personal life to them. If they ask, tell them why do they want to know for?
2007-11-19 09:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋