My pastor has behaved badly, what should I do?

Question

I took some dinner over to my friends mother-in-law as she was not feeling well and was not able to attend church. When I got there the pastor's car was in the backyard so I went in the back door as it was opened and I assumed they would be in the living room. Imagine my surprise when I heard muffled sound coming from the bedroom. And before someone asked there was no mistaking what they were doing. I was so shocked I quietly tiptoed out and left without them hearing me. I am so disappointed at them both. He has seven children and a wife and he is always preaching family loyalty and respect. Miss 'D' is a widow and a volunteer at the church. I always respected her work ethic but now I wonder if she did that just to get to the pastor. My faith has just taken a beating and yes I know he is mortal and tempted like the rest of us but still I am so confused. Is changing churches the answer and should I say something to her? Please don't give me any flip or cute answers.

Answer 1

your faith should have nothing to do with either of these people, your faith is in the lord not them. i wouldn't say anything, but i would change churches. they are the ones who are violating god's law and its them who will suffer, stay out of it and mind your own business, and deal with your own salvation, and let god deal with them.

Answer 2

Your pastor has made a huge mistake and will answer to God for it. It should not shake your faith in the Lord, only the faith you put in man.

You and your husband (if you are married) need to tell your pastor that you accidentally and innocently learned of his extra-curricular activities and give him the opportunity to step down from his position gracefully. If he has any integrity left, he should resign his position and not risk shaking the faith of others in his congregation.

If he does not, you have three choices:
(1) approach an associate pastor, the church's elders or deacons--whichever way has already been deemed proper in your church. The Bible tells us to go to the offender with a brother, so this approach is biblical.
(2) You could keep the secret and continue to be a member of the church, but I would not be able to respect the man.
(3) Quietly find a different church home and move your membership.

In any case, gossiping about your pastor would be a sin and could perhaps cause further dissension in the church.

Answer 3

"Who is so pure that he shall cast the first stone?"

You trespassed into your neighbors house without an invitation, and for no good or legitimate reason, (you heard no calls of distress). Then you snooped around in the house until you "Heard" what you assume could only be one thing - (in your mind). You then crept away like a thief in the night, frustrated at what you think you know. However, you saw nothing, and heard only muffled sounds, - hardly a ringing eyewitness account of adultery is it?.

You don't know if the Pastor and Mrs. "D" we're out for a stroll, and the two imagined lover's we're you heard were a visiting Son and daughter in law, who decided to share some intimacy while they had the house to themselves.

I recommend you say nothing to either the Pastor or Mrs. "D". Changing Churches is NOT the answer either; and there is no need to speak to either party. I suggest you put this one down in the"I don't know for sure - but everyone get's a second chance" column, and move on with your life, and let them move on with their lives too. And No More Mrs. Marple, respect their privacy - as you enjoy having your privacy respected. Life is tough enough, and the challenges we face as we get older don't get any easier, Good luck in all that you do.

Answer 4

Does you church have elders? You can ask to speak to one of them privately and tell them what you saw. The elders can then confront the pastor and the woman and find out what was going on. The pastor will probably be let go and replaced. Changing churches isn't really the answer. I'm sure there are lots of good people in your church who will be horrified to hear about this and will demand a new pastor. Don't let it shake your faith. He isn't Jesus---he's just a man, like the rest of us. We all sin. Good luck.

Answer 5

Gosh what a horrible situation. My father was a pastor for most of his life and recently retired. He was always very aware of how his own behavior and even that of his family reflected on him morally and as a leader and pastor. I can't believe your pastor would have such an incredible lapse in judgement. To be honest, I can't decide if you should bring their secret before the church family or if you should just speak to your pastor about it in private. On one hand, the church has a right to know their pastor is not behaving in a christ-like way so how can he possibly lead? On the other hand, you're right....pastors are just as human as every other person and worthy of forgiveness when they are weak. It's hard to imagine ruining this guy's life over his affair but then again, HE is the one who made those choices. I say you pray very hard about what to do. At the very least, I would definitely let him know that you know his dirty little secret. He may, in his guilt, do the hard part of you and decide to resign.

Answer 6

Well he isn't doing anything that every one else isn't doing, I work at a church and their first priest was counseling a woman there that was having marriage problems, he had 3 kids and a wife himself, this woman was also a Sunday school teacher there at the church, well come to find out he was screwing her and of course it broke her marriage up needless to say it broke his up also, they did end up getting married though, another couple that went to church there was married and they ended up slipping back in the church after it was closed and was screwing in the Parish Hall, I guess they figured no one would catch them screwing there, they ended up getting married after they divorced their spouse's, the woman's ex husband killed his self on an over dose because of it, I use to work with another guy and his wife worked at a Baptist church as a custodian, her and the preacher there was screwing also, it broke my friends marriage up, the preachers wife stayed with him, another church that I live close to a friend just the other day said that the preacher up there was screwing a few of the women up there and he had to leave the church quick because one of the womens husbands found out, I know of one other preacher that was screwing this girl that I personally know and he was married with kids but she was single but I won't get into that story, ya know since I work at a church I see a lot of the behind the scene's stuff that goes on, like taking tithe money and buying Beer and Pizza for parties, using the money for whatever they want, some Church's may be ok but some run as a church to get free money, and I mean a bunch of it, hundreds of thousands of dollars tax free, to answer your question, move on to another church, hopefully you will find a decent one some where, I'm sure they are one left some where maybe, ??? but most of the preachers are looking for an easy job with big pay, a preacher is a lazy man looking for an easy way out, and by your story here by the way that you explained it your friends mother n law was far from being sick, sounds like her and the preacher was feeling great, He probably said heavenly father thank you for the gifts that I'm about to receive,

Answer 7

If someone is an Athiest or doesn't like church because of this, how lame.

Since we're all human, how is that grounds to believe in God or not?! Based on bad choices people have made?! Again weak excuse(s)

But either way, first you should pray as to guidance. Second take someone to confront him. Third it needs to be brought before the church.

Good Luck, if this is real, your church will never be the same.

THIS is what gives churches a bad name and excuses for others not to go, sad.

Answer 8

What we have here is are multiple wrongs. You entering illegally. Criminal. Pastor and not-wife having sex. Morally. I would tread very carefully on this.
Talk to one of the elders of the church. Maybe you can get help that way. I realize your faith has taken a hit. Unfortunately that is part of how the world operates. Think, Pray, talk to a level headed lay leader and ask them thier advice

Answer 9

No one, especially not a pastor, should be doing that. I would definetly change churches because why should you be taught holy things by someone who is not holy? May I suggest changing to a Mormon church? All of the Mormons I have known are really good people and would never do such things.

Answer 10

First, your "faith" shouldn't be beaten because of the this incident. The pastor is only a man, who is supposed to teach the word of god and live by example. That has no affect on your faith in god himself. Yes finding a new church would be appropriate. And speaking with her is unnecessary.

Answer 11

This is such an icky situation, I assume the kids are underage?

In that situation I WOULD lose respect for both people but I don't think I would say anything. Many may disagree but I'd just let it go. I think I would look for another church.

The thing is even tho they're sinning.....WHAT IF they loved each other & he could bring himself to divorce...WHAT IF it was a one time thing....

Minding your own business is important in this scenario I think.