Baby Shower Etiquette?

Question

A few questions on baby showers. I read some stuff on them, and a lot of it was news to me! Are these baby shower 'rules' still applicable today?
1. Someone other than the mother-to-be throws the shower
2. A shower is held for the mother-to-be's first-born child only (as a party to welcome her into motherhood)
3. Only women attend the shower

Do people generally follow this etiquette? Or is it okay to bend these rules?

Thanks for the answers. My situation is: I have a teenage daughter from a previous relationship, and no-one threw me a baby shower for her. So, it is my second, but my husband's first, I have no baby stuff left (though I'd like to have a party just to celebrate, not for the gifts!) and I've never had a shower. I worry, too, that if I left it to others to throw it I'd not have one! What do you think?

Thanks. Sounds like I can it's okay to break #2 and #3, but not #1. I'm in a new city and don't have close friends here yet, so I doubt anyone would throw a shower for me. DANG! I really wanted a party!!!!

Answer 1

I think the last 2 are stupid.

I think a baby shower is for a baby. they bring baby gifts...so no matter if it's your first or 5th child, have a shower.

a bridal shower is for the bride, a baby shower is for the baby... there is no such thing as a mommy shower.

women only showers are still the norm... but family or couples showers are fun too. just don't make them so girlie or babyish when the men are there!!! I went to a "diaper party" a while ago... couple was on their 4th kid, they didn't need anything but diapers & wipes... so their neighbors threw them a big BBQ and the invitation said that the price of a plate of food was a package/box of diapers or wipes!! I though it was neat... only the gift table and cake were baby related, the rest was just summer family BBQ decor.

Answer 2

I think that the rules of etiquette are general guidelines that hold true in most cases. Of those 3 rules, I think #1 is pretty set in stone. It is rather rude and presumptuous to throw your own baby shower. It is basically telling people to buy you gifts if you throw the shower for yourself. Rule #2 is certainly flexible in many cases. If it's been a number of years since the last baby was born then another shower isn't a bad idea especially if the mom-to-be got rid of a lot of her baby things. Also, a mom-to-be who is struggling financially or maybe is a single mom could probably use a shower especially for necessities such as diapers, wipes, and clothes. As far as rule #3, Couples Baby Showers are actually becoming quite common and I have attended a few where the dad-to-be was there even though most of the guests were women and girls. I think there is definitely some leeway with the etiquette, but I would definitely suggest that the mom-to-be never throw her own shower. To me, that is pretty tacky.

Answer 3

Those rules can be "bent" a bit nowadays, but it's best not to bust them wide open, particularly if your community is a bit on the old-fashioned or your family/friends are high-society types.

1. DON'T throw your own shower. That is still considered pretty tacky by most. Get someone else to put their name on the invitations as the hostess (better yet, get 2-3). If you need to, offer them $$ to help with refreshments, set-up, etc. as well as offering to help behind the scenes (addressing invitations, etc.) but let somebody else take the up-front credit for it or it just looks like you are trying to beg for gifts. Try to find somebody else who is expecting and swap out with them (or somebody you think is on the bio clock timeline shortly behind you!).

2. Not necessarily. There are some circumstances where a second shower is perfectly acceptable. These would include:
loss of first child
new marriage/new dad
new town/new church/new job/new friends

There may be other circumstances, but those come to mind. Typically, you don't ask for a second set of gifts from the same people for this sort of occasion, so the only time you would "double-dip" is maybe with immediate family when it is certain or likely they would have bought a baby gift anyway and/or they would have their feelings hurt if you didn't include them!

3. Usually, although often small children, especially young girls are in attendance at baby showers. I have heard of couple wedding showers, but I don't recall ever being invited to a couple baby shower. I suppose it could be done, if most of your friends are couple friends, or if this is a second marriage/daddy and the new people are mostly his friends--this might be a more appropriate way to go.
Everyone usually bends this rule by expecting dad-to-be to make an appearance toward the end of the shower. The official purpose of this is so he can help load the gifts for his woman in her "delicate condition", but it's really so he can appropiately "ooh" and "aah" over things and thank everyone!

At least that's how it is "down South"! Hope that helps, and feel free to e-mail me if you have any other questions I might be able to answer for you!

Answer 4

Generally yes women are the ones to attend but a fad as of late is to have a co-ed shower. Sometimes as a comprimise the women have a "shower" and the men will have a diaper party.

the mother to be is not supposed to throw her own shower. how can she welcome herself into motherhood?
And last yes generally the shower is for the first baby. Mothers a ussually expected to keep hamidowns from the first for the second so why throw another shower. Now though most women recieve a shower for multiple children.

As my second child is coming i have a few friends who want to throw a "shower". I find it unnessacary. So instead we are having a Blessingway. Friends and family who are supportive of the way i am choosing to birth are invited to have tea and make small talk. Offer advice and reassuring words. A necklace is beoing made with beads or trinkets the women bring with a special prayer or blessing attached.


And yes it is more than okay to bend these rules or break them. Just make sure he mom to be is comfortable with your choice

Answer 5

It okay of coarse to bend the rules but most of the ones that I have been to & also my own was thrown by someone other than the mother, mostly just women attend because men don't really care but I have been to a few where there were men & there is always a shower thrown for the mother no matter how many children they have. There are plenty of things that a mother needs that cannot be handed down from the other kids.

Answer 6

I was always told that it was considered tacky to have a baby shower with another child. Though, I have been told that you should have another baby shower if the next child is of a different gender. I personally don't think I would have another baby shower. I would feel like I'm looking for handouts. But that is just me. I know a lot of women now a days have multiple baby showers...and no one minds. Plus...who doesn't love going to baby showers. :-D

Answer 7

1) times have changed, if the parents to be want to throw one, then so be it. (especially if family and real close friends aren't close enough by to do it.)

2) if someone wants a shower for second or more pregnancies then so be it, especially if it a different gender OR if the children are years apart the the baby things are no longer around.

3) I've been to plenty women only and plenty jack and jill showers. I think I want a jack and jill.

These days rules can be bent and hardly anyone will make a huge deal about it.

Answer 8

Is it your baby? You can do whatever you want!!! I haven't been to many showers but all of them were thrown by someone other than the mother to be. Could your mom or the fathers mom throw it? I just went to a baby shower for a girl who is pregnant with her 2nd child and nobody seemed to mind. I think every baby deserves a shower! Just don't be having babies once a year...people might get tired of buying you things! lol

Answer 9

I think that #1 usually holds true. Someone like an aunt to the unborn baby or someone like that, throws the shower. On #2, I've honestly never heard of that. My sister was pregnant 6 times and she had a shower for each pregnancy. On #3, I think it's more of a tradition rather than a rule. I've heard of having 'unisex' baby showers becoming more popular today.

I think it's your shower and you should have it the way you want it! Good luck to you!!

Answer 10

As a first time mother, I wanted to have a shower so, I ended up planning one for myself. Well, I atleast hinted to my mother that I wanted one and she ended up having one for me. IF no one steps up to plan why not at least hint to someone in the family that you want one. And I was perfectly willing to throw my own. Why not?
For our showers, my husband attended all- it was thrown for all of us. That is an older tradition that is not always followed. It actually seems to depend on who is throwing it, but I told my relatives my husband was having a baby, too, and was part of it all.
And I hope I have a shower for our next child, especially if my baby is a different sex.