It causes arguments. I don't want to control him, but it really makes me mad that he stays out all hours of the night. I really need a guys opinion on this. I don't want to be one of those controlling wives. Am I making to big of a deal out of this?? HELP??
2007-11-19 08:20:32 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him he needs to act like he's married.
It seems he is young, probably too young to be married...mentally at least. He needs to act like a husband, you both may need to see counseling to get through this.
When I was younger, i tried to hang out with my single friends just because I didn't want to feel old...it didn't work. People need to realize that you're a couple and you both need to do things as a couple.
2007-11-19 08:24:52 · answer #1 · answered by Johnny 2 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Im going to tell you one thing....NO marriage can last with that kind of inappropriate activity. I defy anyone to say that they know of a case where a spouse is out in bars all the time without their mate and things turn out good.
Bars are for single people who want to hook up. The only reason a married person should go to a bar is if their significant other is with them or its the very rare occassional night out with the guys. Not a weekly thing. Weekly thing is almost guaranteeing a big problem.
I was married for six years. I had no problem with her going to the bars with her friends every now and then, especially since I was the one she always called when it was time to go home (she would leave her friends to come home at a decent time). Eventually that quit. She started coming home on her own and the frequency became more and more. Eventually it became a several times a week thing that had her lieing and hiding going there. We split up within a month of that happening.
Make no mistake, its a bad thing. But bars dont kill marriages, people's actions and decisions kill marriages. But why give someone a gun and then complain when they use it?
No deal here. He goes once a month or he starts going with you. Not negotiable. Anything more than that and hes hiding something.
And before anyone comments that maybe the bar he goes to is just a casual "Cheers" type bar and not a pick up bar, the bar that my ex wife went to was a marina bar in a small town. You couldnt get much more "Cheers" orientated that that one.
Forewarned is forearmed.
2007-11-19 08:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by catfish 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I'm the husband hanging out in a bar (not yours, but me and my wife are going through this same problem) it continues to escalate when I get home and get the stink eye and silent treatment for going out. So instead of goin home after work to that it's easier to get some buds to go for a beer, and be around happy people and good music. I like the one comment "lure bees with honey" our the other one that commented for you to go with him. I tried to get her to come with me on her days off but she slept instead. She wanted me to stop going for one month (I don't know why she picked a month) but I compromised amd just cut back. Despite these others saying it's a pit of sin and temptation, I go for the smiling faces good music and pool. I love my wife more than anything in the world
2014-08-31 11:30:34 · answer #3 · answered by gi_john_706 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nagging won't work. He needs to grow up some. You may be able to help that process along by putting in some extra effort to making your evenings memorable and special. If he comes home to a wife in sweats who wants to watch Scrubs, he won't stay home long. Snazz it up a bit. Buy some lingerie. Wear makeup. Invite him to a Knicks game (or whatever his interests are). I'm sure you've heard the old analogy of attracting flies with honey (which sounds kinda gross, actually.) Simply put, men tend to like to DO things together. Whether it's sweating on a basketball court or watching it together. Find out what his interest are and build some positive memories together.
2007-11-19 08:31:37 · answer #4 · answered by luckyme 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If he's doing something that you don't like, or vice versa, compromise is in order. When one gets married they give up a certain amount of freedom. In other words they can't do what they want when they want and expect there not to be problems. Ask him to cut back his hanging out with his single friends. Make plans with other couples to hang out together. It would be selfish of him not to change because I'm sure if it were the other way around, he would want you to compromise.
2007-11-19 08:31:39 · answer #5 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no you are not making a big deal out of this. at some point you need to start controlling a little...not so much that he can't EVER go out with his friends. but when you got married he chose you over his "single" life. now he needs to know that it's time for him to grow up. if you don't nip this in the bud now, it won't ever end and trust me on this, it will only get worse!
2007-11-19 08:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by loriloriloriloriv 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
supply him an ultimatum, sever this relationship with this single ingesting buddy, not greater bars, or he can circulate in along with his buddy. He can't have his cake and consume it too. He does not look waiting to be married, i do no longer understand why the grass is often greener for a number of those adult men, yet permit him attempt going it on my own and that i wager he will settle on you oveer the drunken nights along with his single buddy. If he does not, then you certainly might desire to get out quickly, it potential he does not choose to alter, and if he does not choose to alter, then he wont. you could no longer replace him, you could purely replace the form you decide on for to react to them.
2016-09-29 13:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a controlling wife at all. You being his wife are entitled to his attention. Either he wants to be married to you or he wants to stay single. Don't get me wrong we are all allowed to go out to different events with our freinds(once we're married) but we don' t live a single lifestyle all the time. Tell him to make a decision and stick to it. By not saying anything your giving him permission to have the best of both worlds, it's one or the other.........
2007-11-19 08:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by FLIT 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Is he going through a mid life crisis? Many married men feel trapped after a certain amount of time and feel they can reclaim the single life. Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that hes married and you would like to have him home.
2007-11-19 08:27:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him to act like he's married. It sounds like he doesn't want to let go of his single life.
How old are ya'll? Were ya'll forced to get married by an unplanned pregnancy or are ya'll older? Give more details please.
Also, don't do anything to retaliate, just be smart in what you say and how you react. No need in making things worse. Be smart and go with your gut instinct.
2007-11-19 08:26:10 · answer #10 · answered by John 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋