I need help!?

Question

The problem is my mother in law. She was so nice to me before but ever since we told her that I am pregnant, she has completly changed. She always tells me how I need to get to know him better. We went to her house for Halloween, I walked up to the counter where she was standing, she just said "I know you are there, I heard the dogs when you came in." Not hi or how are you or anything. I am 20 weeks pregnant and she told me it is too early to start thinking of names. My family is so excited, they tell everyony about the baby but she doesn't say anything to anyone about it. She never asks how the baby or I'm doing. My husband is trying to be a football coach and she tells him how he cant let me get in the way of doing what he wants. He just tries to stay out of it but the little comments she makes are rude. She wont care if she is hurting my fellings so I don't want to talk to her about it and I don't know what else to do. Please help

Answer 1

Your husband should not stay out of it, he needs to tell her. Especially when she says things to him. It is never to early to think about names. Don't let her get to you. I would tell her when she is being rude. Tell her that you don't know why that she feels she can treat you like that but she cannot. Never allow someone to treat you in a way that you do not like. It does not matter who it is. We do not have to take this from anybody and we do not have to take it because they are in laws. That does not give them an excuse to be mean to you. I would stay away from her as much as possible. If she tells you again that you need to get to know them better ask her why. She wants you to make an effort but she slaps you down at every turn.Tell her how you feel. She will not like it but she will stop if you stand up to her and she knows that you are not going to take it. You do not need this stress right now. Congratulations and don't let a hateful woman ruin your joy of motherhood. Good luck honey.

Answer 2

Are you guys married? And she seemed happy for you before? Does she have other grandkids---if so, how does she treat them?

My mother was weird when I got pregnant but I think it was because she was worried about me and my health (she was a real worry wart). This sounds different.

Has your husband noticed it and what is his take on it? This may just be the tip of the iceberg of the real "monster-in-law" coming out. Hang in there; you could be in for a bumpy ride.
Get as much support as you can from your family and friends and other sources, and try to lower your expectations for any "love" from the mil. Give her the benefit of the doubt if you at all possibly can and do not get hormonal or Beyatchy and stoop to her level of rudeness. If you are able to rise above this disrespect despite your delicate condition and even return kindness for her mistreatment, perhaps your husband will be a man and come to your defense if needed. (But don't hold your breath.) Get ready for her to treat the baby with the same rudeness and disdain once it is here.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but if you are prepared for the worst, and it's not that bad, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Last question: how close/far away do you live from them and is it possible to put some more distance there? That's probably the only way to do damage control here. The less boundaries you have between you and the in-laws the more she will keep on trying to make a "mama's boy" out of your husband and mistreating you.

Answer 3

There is nothing you can do about her attitude towards you. You never mentioned how old you are but since you are married it really does not matter. Perhaps she has this idea that things are not going to work out between the two of you and isnt happy about the baby. Forget about it dont let her ruin it for you. Just try not to talk to her more than hello or goodbye. She will more than likely change her attitude once the baby is born but then again she might not.

Answer 4

hi,
well lot of mistery,when ever a birth is about to happen the grandparents just start relating, start living the time when they were about to give birth, here I can sense the insecurities your mother-in-law have regarding her grand child, your husband is still struggling, that's why she keeps telling him don't let come anything in your way, dint feel bad about it, instead be strong & positive, just let her know & understand that you too want your husband to be sucessfull, & u'll help him out,
Have you tried to talk to her I mean a healthy discussion, try talk to her & know her insecurites, & work on them as a familey, Take your husband in confidance,& let him know what r u doing ?
If taking does not work then still be positive.
let the baby come in everything will be fine.if you are talking to her just don't talk about the baby, if she tries to make a rude comment simply ignore it, Just be happy & patient, as you have the very right to be happy & enjoying life.
Take care
God bless you & the baby.

Answer 5

I think that "Timsster" said it best. She never did like you and probably hoped it would be a passing faze for your Hubby. Now that you guys have taken the next step, she has to face the fact that she will become lower on her son's list of priorities and of course she is going to blame you for it. Anyone who tells you to confront her, is asking you to start a battle you can't win and put added stress on your marriage. Just stay away from her. Who knows, she may come around when the baby is born. Good luck.

Answer 6

You married your husband not his mother so any problems with her you shouldn't worry about it too much. Of course she doesn't need to treat you like crap either. Have a talk with your husband or even your mother in law one day. The only way you are going to change the situation is by communicating about it.

Answer 7

try talking to your husband and have him voice your concern to his mother. could it be a cultural thing? some cultures don't like to make a big deal over the pregnant woman because they think the baby will feel overly spoiled before it's born. i remember my mother in law was the same way, but not to that extent. my husband had to talk to her about it as well.

Answer 8

Always remember to be yourself. Don't let anyone get you down!! Communicate the best you can with her and remove yourself from uncomfortable situations. Hopefully your Husband will realize your heartache with this situation and take a stand on your behalf. If not, my heart goes out to you.

If you get to your wits end with this issue then maybe you could write her a letter with your concerns with the relationship and clear the air on your end.

In the meantime, pray about it and ask the Lord to bless you and to help mend your relationship with her.

Best wishes to you!

Answer 9

Sometimes we are not ready for the changes that life presents us. For her, she is going to become a grandma and that is a very big change. She may not seem like she cares, but once that kid gets here, she will accept her new role or you have to have a long talk with your husband about her behavior. Good luck.

Answer 10

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hate to tell you this but it sounds like your MIL doesn't like you and your pregnancy has made her realize that you are in her, and her son's, lives forever. The best thing you can do is just to keep being as nice as you can to her when you have to be near her and stay clear of her when you can. Hoefully, one the baby comes, she will realize that she is being silly and adjust. But don't let her comments get you down, enjoy your pregnancy, her pettiness is her problem.